Just leave - even if you have nowhere to go.

It depends how bad things are really doesn't it. If he's being physically violent and your life is literally in danger then yes I would say just leave because you can replace everything else but your life not so much.
If it's more that you're unhappy or he's emotionally abusive then you could make a plan first and leave when you are in a better position.
What I would say is life is too short to waste being unhappy. Like if you knew you had only a year to live would you leave in a heartbeat and enjoy the time you had left? If it's a yes then just do it.

Yes, I understand that! But it’s hard to figure out how to get housing on an anonymous internet forum with limited specific details. The advice and emotional support I envisage is going through the options (including housing options and ways to increase income) available for this person, making a plan, helping to execute that plan.

I have known people very slow to leave a bad relationship because they have “nowhere to go” but actually they do have options eg staying with friends, moving into a house share, they just don’t like those options. Coming to terms with reality is easier with emotional support.

I agree, the 'just leave': commonly spouted as 'leave the bastard', ignores the fact that many women are not financially, emotionally, or practically able to leave.

You can plan by squirelling away money gradually, and you can get a cheap SIM and phone from giff gaff for example. If feasible, you could hire a storage unit and slowly move things over.

Bloody hell. With respect, you are as smug as you are ignorant.

Not having children to consider gives you a big advantage in terms of being able to leave.

Are you safe? If you are, then working on a plan to gain some independence and leave would be the most sensible thing to do.

If you are in actual danger, then you need to seek help immediately...

If you are not in immediate danger by staying then I would say you should make steps to leave - so organise a phone, change the car situation, organise your business so it is independent of him and work through your finances etc.

Can you give a little more detail about your situation, OP? You don’t need to share too much or reveal your specific location, but there may well be posters aware of groups in your region who support women in whatever situation you’re in that means you want to leave, pet fostering arrangements, charities which help people furnish accommodation if they have nothing etc.

It is not just MN posters who say that. My good friend listened to her family and left a man she was in a relationship with (he was a serial cheater, not a wife beater). Overnight her standard of living went downhill. Yes, he was told by the court to sell his huge house and give her half the money to buy a new house and she did and it was awful and then he asked his accountant to show all the right figures so he would pay a pathetic amount and their child had to go to a horrible school and every payment was a struggle (he is self-employed, and out of wickedness he went on long professional development and training courses in California and bought new equipment, so his profit legitimately came to zero). It is still a mess.

Is he very controlling and domineering? Is that why even your phone is registered in his name?

Could your self employed income support you?

Cat’s Protection and Refuge have cat fostering schemes for those fleeing domestic abuse. Probably still tricky if you are in a situation where it would make things more dangerous if your partner realised you were planning to leave.

I left eleven years ago with the clothes on my back and the cat. Moved into an air BnB until I could get my ducks in a row. Luckily no kids involved it was hard, but I'm glad I did it.

If you think you are in danger then do just leave. The rest can be sorted afterwards.

If not in imminent danger then contact a family law solicitor regarding financial situation. It can be complex if a business is owned by either party. As many posters have already said also contact a women’s help group. Ask for help from anyone you can trust. And be so careful. I know nothing about your situation, but violent men often get more violent after the relationship has ended.

Rebecca Humphrey’s book why did you stay is currently 99p on kindle. She gives a good account of why it isn’t as easy as just leaving. But she did take the cat when she managed to escape.

I really hope everything works out for you. x

Sometimes though it's choice between leaving everything or knowing he will eventually kill you

Why would you lose your business?

Do you really have no friends or even one family member to help you? That’s incredibly sad. Maybe a trusted work colleague?

Womens aid can support you before, during and after you leave. They can help you get a safety and practical plan in place. That doesn't have to involved moving into a refuge. One of my friends was put onto priority list for council accomodation and moved within a week. They helped with benefits, bank, school for her kids etc.

In the meantime prep work is important if you aren't in imminent danger. Photocopy passport and financial documents, or take photos and email these to yourself or someone you trust. Perhaps try and take out some cash when you shop to make sure you have some spare that isn't noticed.

Perhaps most importantly consider where you'd like to live in future. Would you move back to where family or friends live? With no children it's far easier.

Womens aid are fantastic. I got reffered to them and along with the help of a local domestic violence womens project they offered to either safety net my home, or offered me a new home under a different council in a different city. I promise the help is there when you need it x

I think the advice often comes from a good place, especially when it's clear you cannot stay. The most frequently used advice here is -get your ducks in a row, which is not immediate but is about getting advice, paperwork, and planning the next steps.

It's definitely rarely as easy as 'just leave', but there's support out there (fwiw, I 'just left', with just the clothes on my back and my cat - it wasn't easy but it was necessary).

Why would you lose your business? Why couldn't you take your cats? What's stopping you taking out a new contract or getting a PAYG?

It's housing people need though, not advice and emotional support.

That is an utterly unhelpful and in fact borderline abusive comment. This woman is clearly needing help and effectively you are implying it's all her fault.

There are many many reasons people end up in situations like this. In my case unexpectedly having disabled children and having to leave work left me far more vulnerable to my abuser.

Having helped women through the family court process I know that my situation isn't uncommon. I've also met people who have become chronically unwell, lost good jobs, had husbands who gambled away all the money etc. No one is immune to ending up in a situation that is hard to leave.

I don’t think “just leave” is the common response, most posters are far more nuanced than that.

To be fair I've seen a few posts saying just that...

Does anyone in your life feel like a safe person? I would try to help an acquaintance in your situation, at the very least I’d be glad to offer emotional support and advice, even if we weren’t previously good friends. People can be wonderful, given a chance.

They mean : start divorce proceedings if you are not happy.
Leave only if you want

Why would you lose the business? Is there a way you can work towards making the business independent of the relationship? How long would this take? If he’s controlling you financially to the point that it’s impossible to have your own control over your own business then you maybe will have to leave it behind in order to get away from him. You will at least take your skills and experience with you.

Are your family distant emotionally or physically? Are they good people? Have you had a good relationship with them previously? If you’ve become distant due to the relationship, for example, they may be glad to hear from you and help you now.

The problem is, abusive men understand that women cant "just leave" and that's why they treat them badly, because they can.