Just leave - even if you have nowhere to go.

The phone is easy. Find some excuse to set up your own contract and make the switch now. Or at the very least take notes of all your numbers etc.

I never say “just leave”. If the poster is in a good position ie owns own house, has own money etc, then I’d probably say chuck him out.

In situations like yours, I usually say seek legal advice or try somewhere like Womens Aid. Not saying it’s easy but is the alternative being desperately unhappy forever? In my mind, with no kids you are a bit more “free” - you could seek employment elsewhere and keep business on the side/take a short break while you get settled, you could get a flat share type room to keep costs down for a bit. Lots of this you could line up on the side while still living there. Do you really need a car? Could you move somewhere like a town where you don’t need it?

THANK YOU

My mum had to do this to escape DV. She squirrelled away literally a few pounds here and there, whatever she could get away with until she had enough to pay the deposit and first months rent on a house. She accepted she would lose the house they bought together and all of her possessions but she did it anyway. Took the kids and a suitcase and did it all on her own from then on. Where there’s a will there’s a way. It doesn’t just happen overnight though, you do have to make arrangements and plan for it.

THANK YOU!

Even if a woman does work and earn her own money, she still may be financially stuck because the cost of living means so many people can't afford housing on one salary.

If you can't take your business with you, can you sell it? You could use the funds from that to help get a new life

There are charities that will foster your pet until you found suitable housing

The council have a duty to you if you become homeless. It's a long process through hostels, temporary housing and waiting lists,

I fled DV when my children were 8 months old and 2.6 years old. Like you I had few friends and little family support, by the end of it, I didn't care about any of my belongings I literally just left with some clothes for me and my children,

It was difficult and lonely at times, but almost 10 years on and I thank myself everyday that I left when I did. He was found guilty in court and ordered not to contact or communicate with me or the children, which really helped

You'll leave when your ready. But don't let the fear of losing things put you off, your losing your days and part of your life staying in an unhappy relationship. You won't get this time back x

Thank you for sharing , what a wonderfully insightful post into the actual realities faced by so many.

And without family support it’s still next to impossible to leave. This is so unnecessary.

I did just leave op, I had a small bag of photos and a couple of irreplaceable special items and went with my dc. It was scary, and I lost a lot, but I gained so much more.

If abuse is involved then WA can help you through the process, they will talk to you (phone or email) and discuss all your options, they have access to help from lots of different people, and they really are amazing.

I know the thought is daunting, and it does feel a bit like better the devil you know, I absolutely get it.

There's no pressure and nothing to stop you from contacting WA and discussing your options. One woman who I was in a refuge with was in touch with them regularly for 8 months talking things through and getting the help and confidence to finally leave.

Even if you got in touch and decided against leaving in the end, there's no harm in talking things through at least.

Don't listen to the smug "I would simply never let a man....." posters. It's honestly pathetic how those, allegedly, ever so happy people have to step on others to feel a bit better.

All the best in whatever you decide op 💐

Brilliant insightful post, thank you

I think people that grew up with regular, supportive families really struggle to genuinely empathize with those of us that have families that can’t or won’t support us. I grew up very poor and so my family have never been able to provide any financial support or a home to go to with my children and it’s so isolating and keeps you stuck in situations even if they aren’t ideal. My friends all have friends that have finically supported them, provided home deposits, would have them home in a heartbeat if they needed to leave a bad situation. I’m so sorry OP but just wanted to let you know that I get it. I often think I’d have left my husband if I had a supportive family and somewhere to go.

Insensitive, unnecessary post that demonstrates complete lack of insight and understanding into some peoples' situations

SPOT ON!

Why would you lose your business if you left him?

Or would you need to flee the area entirely?

If you have your own income and a business, is he limiting your access to your own accounts? Could you squirrel any money aside?

Don't beat yourself up about this OP, I know alot of people who don't have their own money and independence ( through circumstances) who aren't being abused and need to get out.
Take care and please seek the advice offered by many on here

People don't mean "just leave" with the clothes on your back unless you're in immediate life threatening danger.

If you aren't then you have time to plan or seek advice. Like asking here and finding out about charities that take pets, speaking to citizens advice, phoning a charity etc.

It just comes across smug and patronising, and doesn’t help OP

Can you tell us a bit about what's going on OP? Are you being physically abused?

You answer your own question.

Many women are not brought up being taught those things, many women reenact the lives their mum had. There are many reasons why women end up in abusive relationships and there are several very ignorant posters on this thread.

Ive never been in an abusive relationship but I have the emotional capacity and critical thinking to understand some of the very complicated reasons why women end up in them.

Oh, OP.

Firstly; are you safe? Will your life be in danger if you wait?

If not, work through what you need to do quietly, step by step.

It might help others who are reading this thread, before they allow themselves to become dependent.

Context is important.

If he is abusive then yes, just leave, because all of those things you've listed mean so much less than your physical and emotional safety and can, over time, be replaced.

I have to say that I often wonder how people get themselves into this predicament where they are entirely dependent on another person.

I was brought up being taught the importance of always having your own money, own bank account, own savings etc. There's no reason why women need to be entirely dependent on a man in 2025.