Just leave - even if you have nowhere to go.

I did 11 years ago, but because of his behaviour got my home back after legal action, after 7 days.

Good luck.

I don’t think we really have any idea if it’s the same or not. People have asked for a bit more detail so they can give better advice, but all the OP has said is that her partner pays her bills and owns their car, and that she has no children. She hasn’t indicated whether he’s financially controlling or whether he’s paying for things like their car and her phone bill because he earns more. She hasn’t said that her partner is abusive and if he is, whether it’s abuse that puts her safety at risk or “just” emotional or verbal abuse. All she’s actually posted is about the idea of leaving her home and belongings being too difficult - and on the face of it, a woman with no children to think about and clearly the marketable employment skills to have her own longstanding business is in a better position to leave than many other women.

As hard as this is could you go without the car until you get everything else sorted out.
You can get another cheap phone on pay as you go monthly mine costs me £10 a month.
You may have to start right from the beginning again but you will eventually get your own independence it's never too late to get there it's scary but it's so worth it x

How could you leave your pets? With someone abusive, how? Take them too, or arrange for an animal charity to help care for them, but a man that is so abusive you need to leave like that is not one I'd trust with my pets either.

When I was doing a domestic abuse support group, we were always told never to tell anyone to leave. Except in dire circumstances where you have to just disappear, always plan ideally with women's aid or others who can support you because the time you leave an abusive relationship and the period after you do, is a very dangerous time, abuse cam really ramp up .

People do just leave. My mum did it and I went with her. We stayed in a b&b to begin with. We had nothing and had to start all over again.

Tell us how you are going to lose a business you spent 15 years building? How does the business work?

"BlondeMamaToBe
This is why it’s so important to have your own money and independence."

What both these statements fail to realise is that abusive controlling men slowly and carefully strip you of all your independence, they convince you to put things in their* name with various plausible excuses, and bit by bit they get a complete stranglehold on you and eventually you are trapped. So when the less subtle abuse starts and you think about leaving, you look at your situation and realise you'd be homeless, jobless & penniless.

*or run up debts in joint or your name so you can't afford to leave them.

You're right. It's not the same.

Not the same as I had somewhere to go (parents) and no business but I just left. I waited for him to go to work and packed my 3yo into the car together with anything that would fit in and drove 300 miles away. I left my lovely dog and cats and a good job. I was desperate and suddenly possessions didn’t matter. I started all over again and it’s the best thing I ever did.

I can think of multiple reasons.

1. It’s inextricably linked with the property (Smith Farm Farm Shop)
2. There are trademark issues where the partner owns the name of the business because it’s also the name of the property.
3. The business relies on the physical property (a workshop etc) and the OP can’t afford to rent premises.

Those are just the reasons off the top of my head - there could be multiple others that I haven’t thought of.

Wrong thread!

People coming on here with their perfect lives fuck right off!!

I was in an abusive relationship, low earner with two young children. I was petrified to leave in case he hurt me or tried to take the kids.

At a point when we were arguing a lot I suggested he stay with his parents for a bit to give us space. He liked the idea as he got waited on hand and foot.

While he was gone I had space to gain some confidence, I told him it was over. We had 40k equity in the house I asked a family member to guarantee my mortgage and offered exdh 20k which he accepted.

It wasn’t easy and I know I was lucky on several points . But being a single parent and struggling to pay bills, managing work/home balance was tough.

It was 18 years ago now and it seems like a blip in my life I'm so grateful I did it and got away. For myself and for my kids.

You can't see your way forward ATM, OP, but that's ok. Can you have a phone call with a local da charity? You don't have to know the end at the beginning.

I'm one of those who left in a rush with a small child and two bin bags of possessions, but in fact it took months to get there. I went to workplace counselling, was referred to a da org, eventually accepted I had to go, then waited for a refuge place. Those women, unknown to me before then, gave me more support than I thought was possible. And they were patient and went at my pace.

Having no place to go is why the refuge movement was set up decades ago. There is help there.

Please go and learn about financial abuse, and stop posting unhelpful things.

Wow this has to win some sort of prize for "The most tone deaf post ever"

Good for you. But OP is not in this situation (as you will know if you read OP's post properly).

You can scroll on by if you have nothing helpful to add. As your contribution is far from helpful.

I agree with you, OP. I've read "Just leave" a zillion times on here, and the disregard for reality and for all the practicalities can indeed be very frustrating. I know some women have left with nothing, but that's extremely hard, and as long as there isn't physical violence, I think you're better served planning your way out.

You may well be but perhaps try believing her. She hasn't explained either way, so it may be true or there may be something she hasn't considered. In the meanwhile, she doesn't owe you an explanation to relieve you of your confusion.

Watch my lover my killer. If your in simular situation then leaving with notihng os leaving with your life.

I am a bit confused why the Op 15 year establishes successful business is contingent on living at this property?

Start off with money. You have to find a way to earn money. It solves a lot of thd problems on your list, enables you to access phone, car, housing. .have you ever worked op? Got any experience in retail or the like? If you can drive could you look at delivery work? There seems to always be demand for cleaners

You can’t have any friends
I mean you’re hardly likely to come back and admit it so obviously you’ll deny
but
I reckon you must be very lonely in RL
but of course you have your “lovely hubby”

@nodramaplz

Fuck sake!!! Read the room.