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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have asked him to stop drinking?

38 replies

shipplywu · 19/01/2025 15:37

Just moved house a few days ago. Still all in chaos and need new furniture to be able to unpack . Today DH goes out to meet his dad and brother for lunch. Says that he's just going for lunch about 12, will leave after and be home for teatime. About 130 I see on gumtree some free furniture nearby to be picked up that evening that would suit us and message DH to ask him to stop drinking so in the evening he can drive over and get it ( I don't drive due to disability) . I figure if he's only had a couple of glasses of wine with food by then, then he could stop drinking and they'd be out his system by evening. Apparently I was completely out of order for even asking, that I should have realised that he would have already had a couple of pints and wine by then and he's not planning on stopping and he's angry that I would even ask. That it's apparently obvious that if he's out for lunch he'll be wanting to drink heavily. Was I?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 19/01/2025 18:07

The thing is the alcohol is a bit irrelevant here, he’s got plans, he doesn’t want to have to drive to collect furniture later on. Neither would I!

Cattery · 19/01/2025 18:04

Leave him be. I wouldn’t leave a drinking session to pick up some second hand furniture

Original poster
shipplywu · 19/01/2025 17:49

He's not a lazy git, he doesn't do it loads. Although when he does he goes on a bender. I don't drink really so I don't understand why stopping drinking (not leaving early and stopping socialising etc just stopping drinking) is a big deal. Surely you can still enjoy yourself without lots more to drink. I wasn't asking him to come home. I was just asking him to stop drinking.

It was at the time an "only this evening or they'll be gone" offer that was going to save us £500 or more. When he said no I did manage to negotiate and get them saved till the morning so it did end well in the end. But apparently I'm awful for even asking and thinking that he could have stopped drinking.

I just don't get alcohol. But seems lots understand his point of view.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 19/01/2025 17:38

On the face of it you were being somewhat unreasonable. He'd planned to go for lunch with his family which included a drink or three. I personally would have written the rest of the day off in terms of other plans. I wouldn't be too happy if my partner told me to stop drinking and come home to lug heavy furniture but it depends if he's always in the pub.

OverthinkingOlive · 19/01/2025 16:52

Yeah I couldn't be arsed with this either, I'd feel nagged by you. Also if he's had a couple of drinks he shouldn't be getting behind the wheel at all until the following day.

aCatCalledFawkes · 19/01/2025 16:45

I would be really unhappy with this request 😟. Especially if I wasn’t consulted.
Also. If I had two glasses of wine, I personally wouldn’t drive.

Alalalala · 19/01/2025 16:40

Is he generally a lazy bastard?

On the strength of this he’s not being unreasonable and is in fact being responsible not to drive after a couple of drinks.

But is there form for him leaving everything to you and buggering off?

LindorDoubleChoc · 19/01/2025 16:39

Yes, I think you were being a little bit U.

JudgeBread · 19/01/2025 16:38

Did you ask him or tell him? That's the clincher for me, if my husband text me while I was at a lunch to tell me to stop drinking and give me my schedule for the afternoon like he's my boss he'd be being told to wind his neck in too.

ThejoyofNC · 19/01/2025 16:38

Why couldn't you arrange for him to collect them tomorrow?

HenDoNot · 19/01/2025 16:36

I’d be quite miffed if I was at a planned meal out with family or friends and DH text me to stop drinking as he suddenly needed me to drive later that day.

DazedAndConfused321 · 19/01/2025 16:29

Is it more that he'd rather enjoy a lunch and some drinks than have to cut it short because you've arranged plans for him? I totally understand he's the driver but it sounds like you've chucked this at him when he already had plans. Maybe you should've asked first if he could collect the furniture?

Mrsttcno1 · 19/01/2025 16:27

It depends on the situation really and how “heavily” we’re talking, also how often it happens really. If I had an afternoon planned with my friends or family and was going to have a few drinks I wouldn’t be over the moon if my husband text me that actually I have to cut my time short to go collect furniture because he can’t drive.