What do you do at weekends with secondary age children?

Mine are same age (11 and 13) and we do the same! (well, it's either curry or tacos and then a movie or netflix series! We do this every Saturday and I love it! Especially in the winter when we've got the fire going and DH and I have a nice Bailey's coffee or wine during the movie too!! And the boys have taken to now always having an 'interval' in the movie when they somehow manage to get ice cream or some other hugely calorific sweet treats!!)

Another vote for family TV watching. Sort themselves out during days and congregate back home for dinner and TV watching.

They each did a physical activity on Saturday morning until about 15. One gave that up and worked in a cafe 11-4 one weekend day. School work / see friends.

I don't really see mine unless I am playing taxi 😂

We insist on homework being done, unless they have some valid plans instead.
The rest of the weekend is sport, clubs, competitions.

If they have a quiet weekend, which is rare, they go and meet friends and go for lunch or the gym or something. Sometimes they gather here to play video games together. Either I have no teen at home, or I have half a dozen. I just order pizzas, it's a perfect excuse.

Not very much

DS(16) mostly just games with his mates or watches Netflix and he'll do some music practice when the mood takes him (he's not doing music exams so it's purely for pleasure). We do eat together, and Friday night is usually music night, when we'll pick a gig to watch on YouTube.

But countryside walks have largely gone by the wayside (we managed one over Christmas) and we virtually never watch TV shows together (we used to, a lot). This Christmas was the first time we didn't play a single board game, and I felt sad about that (don't think DH did, though!).

We'll have the very occasional weekend away, and he's great company on those weekends - he enjoys shopping and exploring new places.

But my overwhelming experience at the moment is that we spend weekends arguing about school work. It's joyless.

A few years ago now, but both ours were in the local swimming club and were often at Galas. DS started to learn to play guitar, daughter played keyboard. DS took up radio controlled car racing and DH would take him on Sundays all over the place to race meetings. We also had days out to local spots linked to their school work, Chester for the Roman Walls etc, the Lake District for walks and geography, and for stone circles etc. DH had to work all Saturdays, so it was homework and swimming on Saturdays, and days out on Sundays. As they got older they both got PT work to fund their hobbies.

Mine are mostly secondary age and I've really noticed this in the last few months. In terms of days out/activities out of the house we do beach/national trust/shopping/swimming/dog walks/Costa/local small museum/cinema. Mixed success. I've also focussed more on teaching them life skills (they are particularly good at prioritising work-life balance by not emerging from their rooms until midday)- things like cooking/baking/DIY, some household chores (that I bribe them with cash to do, but at least I hopefully won't lie in bed at night when they're 30 worrying that they won't know not to create a chlorine bomb when cleaning the toilet).

They don’t want to do a lot of “family days out” in their teens. It’s hobbies, stuff with friends, homework/ studying and then wanting a well deserved rest.

But every now and then they’ll want to do something with you and it’s lovely. Best not to force it too much though.

I agree with the weekly family TV time/ takeaway as a safe space for everyone. That’s lovely.

My kids are ND and family mealtimes can be explosive! Allowing them to eat in their rooms has been a game changer for the mood at home. It means time together is chosen, doing something we are happy doing as opposed to forced contact and conversation in close proximity at meals times. It was miserable! We do eat together but not all of the time. Took me a while to not feel like a bad parent and I don’t like admitting that we don’t always eat together as people judge.

We have a film night on Friday evening with pizza and some kind of sweet treat. Stay up a bit later than usual, no limits on devices. Saturday evening we have a games night with (supermarket style ) take out food and a treat each.
During the day might do one of the following : swimming, cinema , bowling, boldering, trampolining , dog walk and a drink at a the pub. Trip to cafe for hot childcare/milkshake.
The DC often have plans to meet friends or have friends over.
The weekends are often boring (for me) if I don’t plan something but …I think the DC love lazing around at home and recharging for the week ahead.

We always have take away and DVD night on Friday and roast on Sunday but we don't really have days out anymore. We do occasionally drag them out for a walk on Sunday but they both moan about it so rarely bother.
DS is a long way from being a teenager and loves bowling and the teens will go to that (if they don't get a better offer from their mates 😉)

Oh and yes to a family watch of Gladiators on Saturday night, preferably with pizza. Perfect 🙂

@twistyizzy

If they don't feel like it no.

You don't need to feel sadness 🙄

I think it's important to still do stuff together but it doesn't necessarily have to be about "going out".
We did:
Watching a film on TV w popcorn
Board games
BBQ

Or if going out:
Bowling/lazer quest/crazy golf/go karting
Cinema
Meal out
walk/cycle ride
Board games cafe
Visiting family

Finding a film or TV series that you can both/all enjoy is key. Can thoroughly recommend Alex Rider. We're working our way through Beast Games (as a previous poster recommended) and also Squid Game Season 2. Allows for some really interesting conversations.

I also try to take each of them out to lunch separately. I'll read the paper, they'll be on their iPad/phone but we'll discuss politics, news items, life generally. It's nice.

As I said upthread this was around 2015-2019, as a family this would no longer be financially viable for us either and we have cut down on eating out a lot, plus DD is an adult with her own life nowadays.

It was simply a suggestion - I’m not psychic to your or OP’s finances.

I have a DS in year 12. This weekend I've taken him swimming, we've had fish and chips and watched the Traitors, we went to the cinema to see the Bob Dylan film, today his friends have been round all afternoon. He needs plenty of downtime and also time for homework and to practice his instrument.

But now it’s so expensive to eat out, no way could we do that every week

Not much of days out per say but they have a lot matches so do that together or seoarately as parents if they each have a match at the same time.
one is studying a lot for her GCSE equivalent. The other has a bit of homeworks.
they see friends so there is a lot of picking up in the evening, walk the dog.
as a couple we have quite a social life too so we go to that.
we watch movies and always have breakfast and dinner together.
they also mess around a lot with their dad.

but also lots of time spent on phone, doing their hair etc.

everything chilled i guess

I drive teens around, give them meals they'll all eat and hand over cash in 10/20 denominations. Everyone is happy with this.

Saturday morning is sports stuff for our DCs then in the afternoon secondary age DC will do homework, maybe go out with a friend, often we go for a family walk, do jobs like shopping etc. Sunday morning we often go to church; he may have more sports fixtures, we try to do a walk in the afternoon and then usually watch a film together. Nothing hugely exciting but sports training and homework take up a lot of free time!

I voted YABU as kids that age tend to ignore their parents but I do understand the point you're making. I have to make a deliberate effort to drag my 13 yr old into a board game or something and it doesn't always work out!

We do chat a lot though, random moments of connection and we do 3 or 4 family holiday weekends a year just to roam around hills or cities.

But the usual Weekend Outings have fallen by the wayside and we all tend to see our own friends.

Friday night was always meal together, movie/box set night with treats - no phones etc. DS is at university now and when he comes home he still wants to do this.