To think 8/9 year olds shouldn’t be doing this

“The risk from a stranger is tiny” makes it sound like a stranger couldn’t do much harm, like tweaking an elbow or something.

Stranger risk is real. I met some disturbing individuals who actively looked for young people to molest, they are out there, it is (sadly) no myth and they do travel. One man stuck in my mind, he didn’t want to go back to prison but described a compulsion to offend that he couldn’t control and was interested in local schools. Bloody terrifying.

Children are just not equipped to handle predatory adults (who are clever in concealing their intent) or who can use physical force to overpower a child/ minor. Adults find it hard to spot the dangers, so it is unrealistic to expect a child to be able to manage this and keep themselves safe.

Also re: road safety awareness is all well and good but does nothing to protect against reckless (feckless) drivers who break the rules. Green man on pedestrian crossings should be safe, but not always, my DN was nearly killed on one.

Safety chats are important but just not as much of a safeguard as we might wish to think.

SouthLondonMum22 · Yesterday 23:55
No one has said that there's no risk. Of course there's a risk but it is a fact that the risk from a stranger is tiny.
We can't avoid risks completely. In that case, even teenagers wouldn't be able to gain any independence.

AmethystRuby · Today 03:59
the risk from a stranger is tiny? are you serious??? he will be alone not with his friends. walking alone at 8 years old. the risk is tiny? that statement is wildly careless.

I agree AmethystRuby, I also think this statement is ridiculous. It’s almost as if predators aren’t targeting vulnerable children out on their own 🙄

And I do include teens as vulnerable, I certainly bloody was. SA increases in teen years, esp for girls.

That's what parents are for. Tell them the dangers.

Young kids can forget though and strangers can be persuasive.

Even adults are scammed/conned!

@AmethystRuby

the risk from a stranger is tiny? are you serious??? he will be alone not with his friends. walking alone at 8 years old. the risk is tiny? that statement is wildly careless.

The statement is true.

That's what parents are for. Tell them the dangers. When are they supposed to be allowed to go out by themselves? What makes a Year 5 child magically more equipped overnight compared to a Year 4 child?

I have an 8.5 year old and wouldn't let him do this. He plays out in the estate but we walk him to school and to his friends outside this road. If he was walking in a group... maybe? But there are so many bands of teenagers at the parks round here and I just don't think a group of small children can manage that.

I'm not worried about adults, that is a tiny probability and I can't spend too much time on it. Traffic awareness can and is being taught. But my son won't be going to the parks on his own for a good couple years yet. My daughter was allowed around 10 but to meet a friend, not on her own as we had a bad experience with that the first time she did it (from another girl inher class). Now that she's 12 she is out and about on her own of course, but she's still a bit worried when she comes across a large group of teenagers - as we all are!

I think I agree with you there. Being a small petite female (or just a female in general) I'm also at risk from a man who wants to do me harm so there comes a point where age makes no difference in that respect.

With age comes maturity so what to do if someone approaches you/tries to drag you off the street/how to cross the road.

Independence is so important and I do think a lot of us (definitely me included!) are guilty of not allowing that because we fear the consequences.

So whilst 8 is maybe a little young for doing the suggested, start smaller and build up.

My 9 year old is technically allowed to walk home but I don't trust him. So I've decided as of today instead of meeting me in the playground he can meet me outside of the school gates and wait for me there. It may as well be in the school playground with being how close it is but I won't be there, I need to trust he will wait for me. We've had almost 2 years of him leaving his classroom alone and finding me in a different playground so we are just building from there.

Once he's proved himself capable and trustworthy he can meet me further away gradually until he starts year 6 in September and then he can walk home. I won't be far behind him anyway so I can likely keep an eye on him.

Then in a few years I'll be doing it all again with his brother!

It's so much easier when they are babies and you can't let them out of your sight!!

The stats agree with me. A child is more likely to be harmed or kidnapped by someone they know, not a stranger.

My statement isn’t careless, it’s accurate.

I'm with you op i have a 9 yr old and I won't let her out on her own yet. She's fairly sensible but for me it's just too young. Kids grow up way to quickly these days as it is so it's becoming the norm for them to do these things as that's what everyone else does. Will be another year or 2 before I consider it!!

Not a chance in hell would I allow my 8yo DS to do this. Alone or with his mates.

I don't think it's ideal an 8 or 9 year old, but 10 seems reasonable.

There are also a lot of dangers out there which children are too naive to be aware of to the same extent as adults, because you can't be wholely truthful and blunt to the reality of horrors and danger potentially awaiting them. Although the odds are that nothing bad will ever happen.

Yes, children need an amount of freedom at some point. Could the compromise for now be that you walk/drive/cycle with him and then collect him from the park at an allocated time or he could call you for a lift when they're done?

At least when he's there, there will be a group of them which seems safe enough to me.

If you're not comfortable just say no. He's your baby and you know what's best for his age, maturity level and reliability.

the risk from a stranger is tiny? are you serious??? he will be alone not with his friends. walking alone at 8 years old. the risk is tiny? that statement is wildly careless.

The only things I'd say that have actually changed is that there's a lot more traffic now which does affect safety (but on the flip slide I would reckon there's a lot less drink driving now that its taken more seriously so more safe in that sense), and nowadays there's online grooming, which is an argument for getting them out of the house more

I'm surprised at the replies and think maybe I'm ott with my 8 year old. She's very unaware of space around her generally eg randomly swings across a pavement getting in the way of other people then denies it when I pull her up on it. Her head turns to the side to check the road when crossing, but she's not fully looking, more doing it to look like she's looking. I wouldn't allow her to walk up the street without me if I'm honest. I wouldn't trust her not to say drop her water bottle and her to just follow it into the road without looking. She's a well behaved kid, but hasn't got the maturity yet. I probably do wrap her up in cotton wool a bit but I've not seen her age group round here doing solo trips like you describe.

' he only turned 8 in august'

thus he will be 8.5 in February which is just a couple of weeks away

then he will be half way to 9.

Surely it's just different people answering threads? I'd be fine with that too, for what it's worth.

I do not get how on mn leaving an 8 or 9 year old alone with a phone for half an hour is seen as neglectful, yet the vast majority see nothing wrong with the same aged child wandering around outside crossing roads and going to parks.

I know which one I'd rather my 8/9 year old be doing.

I wouldn't let an under 11 do what you've described on their own. 9/ 10 with friemds or siblings, possibly and depending on child.

The risk of it happening is low. That is accurate.

If it actually happens, of course the consequences are huge and life changing. No one is going to argue against that.

People still need to live their lives though, including children and teenagers which includes developing some independence from their parents and socialising alone more with friends.

I would argue that the incidence is (thankfully) small for opportunistic attacks, but the risk is actually huge and life changing and threat to life. My attacker had a knife but thankfully didn’t use it. Yes the cases may not be high (working with probabilities here) and most of you have not been the victims of violent crime but let’s not say the risk is small. For those who are assaulted or abducted the risk is very high and impactful, it’s not as if the victim ever comes off lightly.

For those who want facts please approach your local police who would be able to give you the latest stars but just know that online grooming, CSA and trafficking are on the up.

On our housing estate it isn't uncommon for boys to start going to one of the parks (all within 5mins of home, no large roads to cross) without adults in Year 5 - in a group who knock for each other. It also isn't uncommon not to be allowed out unsupervised until Year 6 or Year 7. There are a couple of individual boys who are out at age 8, but generally either with an older brother or because the field is literally within view of their house.

Girls seem to be older before they are let out, or possibly just less keen about hanging around outdoors as they generally aren't playing football and running around therefore requiring a large open space for their socialising.

No one has said that there's no risk. Of course there's a risk but it is a fact that the risk from a stranger is tiny.

We can't avoid risks completely. In that case, even teenagers wouldn't be able to gain any independence.

You are being far too overprotective and you should be worrying more about the risks to your son's development of life skills and confidence, and his mental health, than on the tiny risk of "stranger danger" or the risks of roads/traffic. He is more than old enough to understand those risks, and for you to talk him through the risks, and what he should do in various situations. Your job as a parent is to raise independent, well-rounded, secure, confident adults. Not to wrap them in cotton wool and never let them out of the house because you are being ruled by anxiety.

I think it sounds fine, especially if he's with friends. this is what kids should be doing on a weekend, playing in a park with friends having fun.
my 9 ( year 5) has being doing similar for the last year. Began playing in the street and now he has friends who call for him and they go on bike rides to each others houses or to the woods to make bike tracks. he does have a phone though with a tracker.