To think that addiction is a disease?

You choose not to because you've got the benefit of knowing what happened to your mother and grandmother and know not to TOUCH a bottle. I also have that benefit as my much older brothers are alcoholics. That's the only thing stopping me from being an alcoholic right now. I mean yeah I tried alcopops in my youth but I never got any "buzz" from them. If I had and they changed my mental state and made me feel happy I'd be addicted. Thankfully that never happened as I realised a few years ago I had an addictive personality too so I'm immensely grateful. I'm pretty much teetotal now.

Go figure that I'm a binge eater and have a spending addiction instead. Things you can't really avoid. Do I wish I was like my parents and grandparents who did everything in moderation? Of course I do! But I'm just not for whatever reason. And I could be SO much worse if I did alcohol/smoking/drugs for long enough or fell in with a drinking crowd in my teens like my brothers did.

So gloriia you made a choice not to be an addict?

That’s very understanding of you. Can I ask how you feel about your Mum? Do you get on? I assume she stayed with him?

What makes me angry is that my dad was also abusive and my Mam left me and my siblings to deal with him. If he was nice then perhaps I wouldn’t feel as angry with her

Thank you, that’s kind of you. I completely agree with everything you’ve written.

Actually, when you think of the amount of money they waste trying to find out what causes addiction when the answer is right there, weak willed people who want to blame any and everything for their own bad decisions.

I agree that alcoholics and addicts blame everyone and everything for their addiction but re being weak willed, there are people who have got sober and turned their lives around and have contributed to society.
But obviously the desire to stop using/drinking has to be there.

'But you’re lucky if you haven’t got the disease'

And again, lucky I don't have a 'disease'. No, I'm not lucky thst I control myself. Who doesn't have a glass of wine and think oh that's a nice fuzzy feeling? What you don't do is carry on every night swigging massive quantities. That isn't luck it is being an adult.

It is the language demonstrated on here that is the problem, they are 'unlucky', they have a 'disease', 'they can't help it'. Negative claptrap like that just perpetuates the victim mentality.

It isn't a disease, they aren't unlucky, they can help it.

I appreciate that and I agree that it’s not helping me by feeling angry at her but I can’t help feeling resentment. I think it’s because I now have children who would have been older than me and I can’t fathom why we weren’t enough incentive for her to seek help.

Yes I have. I’ve been drunk too on many occasions. However, when things get too much, I refuse to hit the bottle. It won’t achieve anything other than pure hell and destruction to my life.

Out of interest- have you ever drunk alcohol?

indeed. Someone with “sex addiction” never seems to be addicted to sex with their partner - they just seem to want to have sex with others!

I don't think luck has anything to do with it really. I choose not to drink to excess or take illicit substances
It's like saying im lucky I don't beat my children, nope, not luck, I choose not to.
I'm lucky I'm not morbidly obese, nope, I choose to try to keep a reign on my eating and activity levels.

I’m not though. Could I have gone down that route? Yes. I chose not to as I refuse to be like my mother and her mother before that. I have a choice and I won’t hit the bottle. I don’t have a choice about catching a real disease though.

That’s not how disease of addiction works. You don’t have a choice. You can’t just choose not to be an alcoholic. Although i totally understand that a lot of people have this misconception. It must be even more frustrating if you think the person who is making your life and theirs, miserable, is actually choosing this. But you’re lucky if you haven’t got the disease and I’m sorry you’ve suffered due to someone else’s illness.

Luck does not come into not being an addict. Choice does.

'if you look at people who’s lives are blighted by this disease, do you think they have a choice?'

Yes.

We just have to accept we can't do anything and leave them to it. Difficult when the selfish boozer is a parent and dc can't leave. That is when it obviously becomes a problem where other adults need to intervene.

i'm glad you don't have the disease. You are lucky.

'I've yet to meet an addict who admits 'I drink/do drugs because I like the feeling it gives me and I don't care whose life I destroy'.:
probably because that's not what they actually think or want? Addiction doesn't equal psychopathy which is, perhaps, what you're trying to say, is it?

easy for me to say but from experience the rage hurts only oneself. Much like alcohol itself holding onto grievances is like giving yourself poison and hoping the other person will suffer.. Therapy does help in my experience. regarding those that are 'in recovery' (as is now the term of art), they are stopped just for one day, it doesn't go away, never entirely, hence forever being 'in recovery' never 'recovered'...

I don’t view it as a disease. I have a family history rife with alcoholism. I didn’t “inherit” it and it was a conscious choice for me not to turn to alcohol.

I don’t think calling it a disease is very empowering to those who have addictions and like previous posters have said, it’s not the same as someone inflicted by a disease they have no choice in carrying.

i can see we aren't going to agree and you are immune to thinking: why aren't all these big problems just resolved when there are such obvious answers and solutions just 'there'.

I think this notion that people without addiction have superior willpower and strength is skewed. But I understand why people see it like that. It’s because it’s so destructive that people need to try to make sense of it. But I think it’s a terrible disease and a battle.

'People always just look for someone or something to blame for their bad decisions whatever they may be'

This.

I've yet to meet an addict who admits 'I drink/do drugs because I like the feeling it gives me and I don't care whose life I destroy'.

Let's start from a point of honesty instead of the 'it's a disease they can't help it, they've got the addict genes/theyve had trauma poor loves' bollocks.

Yes she absolutely did fit the criteria. She didn’t stop drinking. She would drink bottles of whisky and we’d find them hidden all around the house. Occasionally she’s stop for a few days but that’s it.

By your definition, it would mean recovering alcoholics weren’t ever ‘true’ alcoholics then, because they did stop drinking. Some alcoholics do and can stop. What enables some to stop and others never to stop?

The definition of an alcoholic is different for different people but ultimately it’s problem drinking, severely affected everyone and everyone.

I’m raging at her and I do blame her for the shit we’ve endured. If she was alive right now I’d go through her and never speak to her again. I appreciate your empathy though, thank you.

Actually, when you think of the amount of money they waste trying to find out what causes addiction when the answer is right there, weak willed people who want to blame any and everything for their own bad decisions.

Yes it’s definitely a disease and I don’t think it’s self inflicted either but I understand it looks that way to people without the disease.
but it’s a killer illness that causes misery to many. Not just the underclasses either.
im an addict. Have been since I was a child

if you look at people who’s lives are blighted by this disease, do you think they have a choice? That they would choose the hardest most painful existence? The choice is gone. That’s addiction