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Original poster

To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

242 replies

MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 13:36

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?
OP posts:
HollyKnight · 19/01/2025 16:11

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Right. So 16 hours of TV better then? Because the child is not going to sit at home reading a book.

You haven't actually suggested what the DD could be doing instead.

Viviennemary · 19/01/2025 16:09

RandomButtons · 19/01/2025 13:39

iPhones are notorious for having easy hacks.

If you want her off it you’ll have to take it away.

Calling her a little sh*t doesn’t really make you look good here.

Exactly. You don't sound very nice at all, bit too keen on dealing out punishments. What has she done to deserve this.

RandomButtons · 19/01/2025 16:09

MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:02

She’s 14.5, what should I do? Put her in nursery while I work? She’s at home with my other DD who is 20.

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I don’t know what you should do, I understand it you are stuck between a rock and a hard place if you can’t access school for her.

Do you have any family you can ask for help?

Also, for clarity here, we are talking about her “hacking” her way around your basic phone settings so she can spend the night on TikTok? Obviously that’s not ok, but it’s not actually in the same league as meeting a random stranger from the internet.

Doex she have any hobbies/passions? Is there anything she can do to start earning money? She’s on her phone so much she might as well learn how to monetise it. Setup a tiktok shop selling whatever. Import gems and sell them on to woo types. Make crafty stuff. Setup passive income streams.

I firmly believe doing similar when I was a wild mentally ill teen is what saved me. I discovered I was good at earning money online, and I’ve sidestepped into a profession that uses all those skills.

Is she into any causes? Any chance you can sign her up to volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week? Local dog rescue or whatever floats her boat.

ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:09

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Owly11 · 19/01/2025 16:09

I'm sorry but what she did isn't because she is a little shit, it's because she is incredibly naive and doesn't understand that she has put herself in danger. I have no idea how confiscating her iPhone is going to solve this. Unfortunately you are going to have to intervene heavily in a much more effective way in order to keep your daughter safe. She needs much more education about risks and much more supervision. She can't be trusted to make good decisions yet. Telling her off will exacerbate the problem not solve it.

ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:08

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HollyKnight · 19/01/2025 16:07

@ThatAmberLemur Do you have an alternative option you can suggest to the OP instead of just telling her that 16 hours on the phone is outrageous?

Original poster
MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:06

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Ok did he manage to stay in education? And are you a lone parent who has to work in order to live?

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ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:06

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ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:05

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Nanny0gg · 19/01/2025 16:05

Mischance · 19/01/2025 16:04

the little shit

She is not a little shit, she is your daughter.

Her behaviour has been unacceptable - hate that, not your DD.

Do you need some help with caring for your DD? Do you have any support?

She clearly doesn't hate her DD.

Original poster
MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:05

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No she also has ASD and has massive social anxiety. She doesn’t go out to work but sells her art on Etsy and is hopefully returning to college this year.

OP posts:
Mischance · 19/01/2025 16:04

the little shit

She is not a little shit, she is your daughter.

Her behaviour has been unacceptable - hate that, not your DD.

Do you need some help with caring for your DD? Do you have any support?

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2025 16:04

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Any more snidey criticisms?

Original poster
MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:04

Puffalicious · 19/01/2025 16:02

I have a child with a PDA, ASD profile. People have NO idea, absolutely no idea. Luckily he's in alternative pathway education (Scotland) , but life is so very, very difficult, and he's only 12- God knows what's ahead of us.

Don't listen to those who have zero understanding. I teach (secondary)& work with lots of pupils with ASN, so I'm well versed, but nothing could have prepared me for this experience with a PDA child. For what it's worth, I've called him a little shit/ fucker in the privacy of my own space/ time when he's at school or asleep. I know it's his behaviour, not him, and I adore him, but sometimes we need to get out our frustration. Anyone who criticises that can piss right off.

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Thank you! Someone who actually gets it. My other (adult) child has ASD but without the PDA and was a walk in the park compared to the second one.

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ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:03

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ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:02

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Puffalicious · 19/01/2025 16:02

MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 15:52

Also I will accept criticism regarding this from anyone else with a PDA ASD child who might have helpful ideas, but if you don’t have one then I’m afraid you’re not in a position to judge.

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I have a child with a PDA, ASD profile. People have NO idea, absolutely no idea. Luckily he's in alternative pathway education (Scotland) , but life is so very, very difficult, and he's only 12- God knows what's ahead of us.

Don't listen to those who have zero understanding. I teach (secondary)& work with lots of pupils with ASN, so I'm well versed, but nothing could have prepared me for this experience with a PDA child. For what it's worth, I've called him a little shit/ fucker in the privacy of my own space/ time when he's at school or asleep. I know it's his behaviour, not him, and I adore him, but sometimes we need to get out our frustration. Anyone who criticises that can piss right off.

Original poster
MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:02

RandomButtons · 19/01/2025 15:59

I do, but I’m not pretending they are the same age. We’ve set very strict screen time limits from the start, in the hope that it helps them long term. Screen time has always affected their behaviour terribly. That’s not particularly helpful for you right now. Outdoor pursuits have helped ours massively.

What you need to do right now is totally reassess the way you are approaching screen time. There need to be much stricter limits and I suggest you get her off apple devices and onto other devices that are much easier to actually manage. Also look up the SIM cards that are designed to restrict kids access, there’s two new ones on the U.K. market but we’ve not trialled either.

Get on the facebook group parenting in a tech world and ask for specific advice on there.

Whilst you’re at work is your daughter on her own? Left to do whatever she wants.

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She’s 14.5, what should I do? Put her in nursery while I work? She’s at home with my other DD who is 20.

OP posts:
ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:01

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Nanny0gg · 19/01/2025 16:01

Ladyj84 · 19/01/2025 15:59

Sorry but several children and 2 teens with ADHD,ASD and other things and neither spend time on there phones like this. And neither does any disability make it right for a parent to call them swear words and let a child live on there phone. Yes I have to work and provide aswell as be a carer and mother but nothing at all makes me not want to interact with my kids rather than there heads buried for hours in a phone. Rather worrying you didn't even have a clue she's been meeting people off the internet

So why don't you describe a typical day to give the OP some ideas?

ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 16:00

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Original poster
MamaConchy · 19/01/2025 16:00

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Yes, we left center parcs around 11am and then I had to go to work. If you’d like to point me towards a magic money tree I’ll happily stop working.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/01/2025 16:00

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So I assume that the OP will have to lock her DD in the house as her out without her phone won't be safe?

Ladyj84 · 19/01/2025 15:59

Sorry but several children and 2 teens with ADHD,ASD and other things and neither spend time on there phones like this. And neither does any disability make it right for a parent to call them swear words and let a child live on there phone. Yes I have to work and provide aswell as be a carer and mother but nothing at all makes me not want to interact with my kids rather than there heads buried for hours in a phone. Rather worrying you didn't even have a clue she's been meeting people off the internet