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Original poster

Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

137 replies

roses2 · 19/01/2025 12:32

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

OP posts:
GetDressedYouMerryGentlemen · 19/01/2025 13:36

You are welcome to come to my house and get a cleaning fix that MiL can't see therefore can't complain about 😉

Sunshineandoranges · 19/01/2025 13:35

You sound nasty. People vary in how tidy and clean they want their homes and how much time and effort they put in. T call her standards filthy is extreme unless she has excrement on the floor, rotting fruit in bowls, flies everywhere.

whaddayawannado · 19/01/2025 13:35

Every time she mention it just say "I like cleaning" and if she ever asks why, tell her it is because you like cleaning more than you like living in a shithole.

BobbyBiscuits · 19/01/2025 13:34

'I know you don't like cleaning Maureen, but I actually find it very satisfying and simply can't relax and enjoy myself in a messy and dirty environment'. Then if she carries on just say 'and I'd rather not discuss it any further.'

Mrsbloggz · 19/01/2025 13:33

I would be telling her to shut her face or go back home to her own shit-hole.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 19/01/2025 13:31

she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

Equally as rude OP.

ThatsWhatImTalkinAbout · 19/01/2025 13:29

Your mils standards may be poor to you but I bet she has a stronger immune system.

People are people and there is no right or wrong answer. It’s just personal preference. But, it’s how you say it to another, that matters.
if you respond by saying ‘I prefer my house to be clean’, that is actually a small dig to your MIL that there is something wrong with her house.
Equally, your MIL questioning why you have to clean so much, is also a dig to you.
You both need to back off on the judgement towards each other.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 19/01/2025 13:25

"We're all different!"

Pamosonic · 19/01/2025 13:18

Bananalanacake · 19/01/2025 12:56

'If you don't like it then book yourself into the nearest Travelodge'

This one! 💯😁

Plantmumfailure · 19/01/2025 13:16

Your cleaning does not sound in the slightest bit excessive!

"I don't like dirty homes. I find them really off-putting"

CharlotteCChapel · 19/01/2025 13:15

Soonenough · 19/01/2025 12:40

I find a cluttered and untidy house leads to cluttered and untidy mind .

I think you have it the wrong way around.

Largeandsmall789 · 19/01/2025 13:14

Yargh my mil also used to do this! I’m no domestic goddess but everything is at least hygienic; whereas her house was a health hazard.

And she used to make an announcement saying, “the time for cleaning is now over”, when she was staying as a guest! Incredibly rude!

It wasn’t as though I was cleaning under her feet or anything either. This was during long summer visits where they could have sat anywhere outside, on the terrace, in the garden, but chose to take up permanent residence in the sitting room and bark orders in to the kitchen!

It still grinds my gears to this day!

Original poster
roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:13

ForZanyAquaViewer · 19/01/2025 13:03

This.

OP, does your DH do his fair share of the cleaning?

Show quote history

No, he takes after her!

Saying the same thing on repeat is probably the best approach. I might start decluttering too whilst she’s here as she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay.

OP posts:
FoxInTheForest · 19/01/2025 13:10

It's her insecurities showing. If she's generally nice just say you find it relaxing to clean. She probably feels like you're judging her house (which is reasonable on both sides).

NeedToChangeName · 19/01/2025 13:08

"It's how I like it"

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 19/01/2025 13:06

My mum is a bit like this. She feels defensive seeing my house clean and tidy as she knows she didn't provide me with a very nice environment when I was growing up (like your MIL, she hoards). I let the comments roll off me. I know it's really maddening OP but try not to rise to it. People who struggle with hoarding and keeping on top of running a house often have some kind of executive functioning or emotional problem, so she's trying to make herself feel better by saying it's not necessary/waste of time etc. If you see the comments in that light (ie she's just comforting herself) they'll hopefully feel less like a personal attack

LatteLady · 19/01/2025 13:06

My house, my rules.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 19/01/2025 13:03

Screamingabdabz · 19/01/2025 12:46

But if that were the case, he’d clean it himself. Unless this is one of those 1950s households? I don’t think this is cool answer you think it is. More trad-wife tragic imo.

Show quote history

This.

OP, does your DH do his fair share of the cleaning?

saraclara · 19/01/2025 13:02

Find a phrase and use it on repeat.
'Because I feel more relaxed when the house is tidy'
Use exactly the same phrase so that she just gets bored with hearing the same thing.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 19/01/2025 13:00

“MIL I follow the mantra messy bed , messy head!”

Which is a saying I agree with 100% although I’m tidy I wish I cleaned as much as you - so maybe she’s jealous and self- conscious

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 19/01/2025 12:58

Look her dead in the eyes and tell her it's because YOU aren't slovenly..... And you don't know how anyone can live in a tip...

Bananalanacake · 19/01/2025 12:56

'If you don't like it then book yourself into the nearest Travelodge'

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 19/01/2025 12:53

@roses2 and why is the dirty one living with you for 5 weeks anyway?? you must be a saint to put up with her!

comedycentral · 19/01/2025 12:53

I like living in a clean and tidy home, it helps me to relax better.

Thatusername207896 · 19/01/2025 12:52

LittleRedYarny · 19/01/2025 12:42

I would just say “Ah well keeps me off the streets and causing mischief” then ask if she’d like to help. That will quickly make her go in another room.

This is 100% what I would say! It'll be the last time she mentions it if you ask her to help every time!

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