Page 4 | Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

oakleaffy · 19/01/2025 14:21

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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That's seriously nasty with cockroach poo - My friend is a habitual cleaner- as in always dusting and hoovering - but that's just the way she is.
When we chat, she dusts already gleaming surfaces, but that's just her.
Her mum was the same.

It's lovely seeing such an immaculate but characterful home.

Pinkyhere · 19/01/2025 14:21

Can I be completely honest with you mil?
This is not excessive it's basic maintenance so it doesn't build up and become filthy.
I find messy and dirty homes really off putting. I wouldn't tell anyone else how to live. But I like a clean home.

And then on repeat, I like a clean home.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/01/2025 14:11

"I genuinely enjoy cleaning"

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 19/01/2025 14:10

There really are worse insults. I'd wear this one with pride.

Perhaps she asks because she would rather spend time talking to you? Do you otherwise get on with her? I'm guessing not.

Twaddlepip · 19/01/2025 14:06

“If you don’t like it here, or you don’t like how I run my home, feel free to go and stay somewhere else.”

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 19/01/2025 14:03

Screamingabdabz · 19/01/2025 12:46

But if that were the case, he’d clean it himself. Unless this is one of those 1950s households? I don’t think this is cool answer you think it is. More trad-wife tragic imo.

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Very true.

My siblings and I did all the cleaning at my parents, and as far as I'm aware still do a fair proportion of it between us when we visit.

The house has steadily declined in standards over the years since we left as there's only so much we can do. They talk about "not having time" to keep a spotless house, but the truth is that they never picked up the habit after us kids left. They have plenty of time, they just don't bother keeping things nice.

My house has been a bit of a shit hole this past year with a baby, and we've just managed a huge clearout post Christmas and got cleaners in.

It's hugely beneficial to my mental health after one week to see the difference.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 19/01/2025 14:02

It’s probably not worth a confrontation so I would probably just say, “I like cleaning.” Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire her.

GasPanic · 19/01/2025 14:01

"Because if you don't keep your house tidy it turns into a shit hole."

Then let her join the dots.

Jaxhog · 19/01/2025 13:58

LatteLady · 19/01/2025 13:06

My house, my rules.

This.

Nc261224 · 19/01/2025 13:57

TBH you are not cleaning more than average person. So I would just keep repeating that your cleaning routine is average (or basic) a d that other people cleaning even more, and that hou like to keep tidy.

Owly11 · 19/01/2025 13:56

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

SnidelyWhiplash · 19/01/2025 13:54

I wouldn’t use it as an opportunity to insult her. I’d just say, ‘I can’t relax until ….whatever’ and leave it at that.

Theunamedcat · 19/01/2025 13:53

roses2 · 19/01/2025 12:32

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

You only hoover the hall once a week? 😂

JK (I have cats it's a daily thing)

My reply would be I'm really not cleaning that often? With a questioning look

Original poster

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:52

She’s British! Moved in her 20s abroad after she met FIL who is from there. It’s Europe.

OP posts:

Mrsbloggz · 19/01/2025 13:51

It sounds as if the mother-in-law is from a traditional culture where it is the norm for her to have dominion over her daughter-in-law.
Women tend to receive little to no education in such traditional cultures this means she will lack the ability to accept opinions which differ from her own, think things through etc.
In other words she will disregard everything you say and keep pushing for what she wants, ie for you OP to obey her.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/01/2025 13:50

"Oh MIL, I'm just doing the minimum to maintain basic standards of hygiene". Tinkly laugh.

I've done the same for four decades with my own MIL over food. Every time she starts counting potatoes: "Oh MIl, you should know by now there's always enough here, for everyone to take what they need" Tinkly laugh. "Was it cold/hot/damp when you went for your walk?" And let her then drone on about the weather.

Or "that's very extravagant DIL", "oh may be so, but it's my money I'm spending".

Largeandsmall789 · 19/01/2025 13:48

No one should be commenting on anything if you are guest in their home imho.

If it’s not your home; do not comment.

People forget their manners with close family unfortunately.

Shetlands · 19/01/2025 13:47

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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Don't bite your tongue - tell her she's annoying you and that if she's staying 5 weeks, she'll need to keep her comments to herself or find somewhere else to stay. Seriously, don't tolerate it. It's your house and your life so set the boundaries of what you're prepared to put up with re: criticism from her.

ThePure · 19/01/2025 13:45

Just say something along the lines of 'each to their own' 'my house, my choice to clean it'

My MIL used to say similar stuff. I recall her loudly telling me that I shouldn't bother to arrange birthday parties for my kids because it's too much effort and they don't remember anyway. This was in the middle of said party.

She said the same about cooking from scratch 'why bother when ready meals are so nice these days'

I just used to say that these things are important to me so I'll carry on

MissMoan · 19/01/2025 13:44

"There's nothing quite like a clean home"

Mrsbloggz · 19/01/2025 13:42

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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I wouldn't even have this woman in my house 😬😮

ForZanyAquaViewer · 19/01/2025 13:40

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:13

No, he takes after her!

Saying the same thing on repeat is probably the best approach. I might start decluttering too whilst she’s here as she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay.

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This would annoy me considerably more than some throwaway comments from my MIL, tbh.

Original poster

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

Sunshineandoranges · 19/01/2025 13:35

You sound nasty. People vary in how tidy and clean they want their homes and how much time and effort they put in. T call her standards filthy is extreme unless she has excrement on the floor, rotting fruit in bowls, flies everywhere.

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

OP posts:

crumblingschools · 19/01/2025 13:38

Why do you sort her cupboards out? Isn’t that just as rude?

I would just say you are happy doing it. I wouldn’t be rude to her. Surely better she thinks you clean too much than not enough, which is what I used to get from MIL

UtterlyOtterly · 19/01/2025 13:38

"One of the most fascinating things about humanity is the huge range of perfectly valid opinions."

Said with a warm smile, it is my stock answer to many similar issues. Say it and move on, never debate.

It stops everything dead.