Page 3 | Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

cleanasawhistle · 19/01/2025 15:36

My MIL used to ask me stupid questions all the time...

Why do you do that,my reply was always ...because I want to

Why did you need that...I didn't need it,I wanted it

If she repeated a question my reply was the same but firmer.
She did work out after a while that certain things were pissing me off.

ThatAmberLemur · 19/01/2025 15:35

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Violinist64 · 19/01/2025 15:33

I would just say that I like to get things done so that I can relax afterwards and I can't relax if something needs tidying or cleaning. If she persists, you can say "I'm afraid we'll just have to agree to disagree about this." Retaliation and criticism don't tend to go down well.

honeylulu · 19/01/2025 15:31

I would just keep saying "Neat And Tidy!" In the voice of Norbot the gnome from Wallace and Gromit.

Though why are you emptying her cupboards? I would be as annoyed about that as someone criticising me for cleaning too much.

AnotherDayAnotherIdea · 19/01/2025 15:25

Screamingabdabz · 19/01/2025 12:46

But if that were the case, he’d clean it himself. Unless this is one of those 1950s households? I don’t think this is cool answer you think it is. More trad-wife tragic imo.

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Then my response would be "I am trying to model good spouse skills for my kids"

Startrekkeruniverse · 19/01/2025 15:21

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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You have been pretty much criticising to her face though?

“she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toastie machines”.

Maybe if you stop going through her cupboards she’ll stop telling you that you clean too much.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 19/01/2025 15:16

From what I know we clean a similar amount of time as other families. DH & I find that a clean & tidy home is more restful and easier to run than a messy or dirty one.

Keeping on top of things means that our cleaner is more effective when they're here and we don't spend half of the weekend doing household chores.
Maybe you don't remember but working full time and running a household and having time to relax & have fun or chill together and with friends is tough.

Maddy70 · 19/01/2025 15:15

"why does it bother you that I like a clean home?"

Chicheguevara · 19/01/2025 15:14

I like a clean house. My ex MIL commented on me wiping all the skirting boards and door frames and made a few comments about unnecessary cleaning, I just said ‘well MIL, it just depends on your standards’ and left it there.

Thankyouforthrdayz · 19/01/2025 15:08

We are all different. You and MIL shouldn't judge each other. She's happy and healthy with her standards at her house, as you are with yours.
If you choose to spend time in each others houses you have to accept each others ways.
Just tell her "It's how I like it".

GetDressedYouMerryGentlemen · 19/01/2025 15:07

'Ah MiL I find doing a little bit everyday stops it mounting up into a big chore that I then can't face so the house is always clean and I'm never overwhelmed'

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 19/01/2025 15:00

Give her a mop and say…
if ya can be mean, then ya can clean!
Otherwise….
Tell her it’s your house and you like a certain standard.

nutbrownhare15 · 19/01/2025 14:53

'Mil, I understand and appreciate you are looking out for my welfare when you comment on how much I clean. What is best for my welfare is to be able to clean the house regularly, and for it not to be commented on' accompanied by a big smile.

Pedallleur · 19/01/2025 14:51

My partner grew up in an untidy/dirty house (it's just as bad 30 years later). Old gadgets lying about, cooker top filthy etc and that's why we have a tidy/clean house now.

NeedToChangeName · 19/01/2025 14:47

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:13

No, he takes after her!

Saying the same thing on repeat is probably the best approach. I might start decluttering too whilst she’s here as she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay.

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YABU for trying to empty her cupboards. It's up to her what she keeps

MissHollyGolightly · 19/01/2025 14:36

i missed whether you have DC or not but my DH is such a slob and I don't want my DC to be slobs. His mum is aware and often apologises for how awful DH is - she'll look at me very seriously and say "MHG, I tried..."

So realistically I would say - I like things clean and I like to set a good example to the DC. I don't want my DC to make their partners miserable...

But others saying ignore are probably more sensible!

saraclara · 19/01/2025 14:36

Alternative Mumsnet OP:

I keep finding my MIL in my kitchen emptying my cupboards and questioning what I have in them. What should I say to her?

saraclara · 19/01/2025 14:33

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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Except, as above, you have criticised her house face to face. You've even taken it upon yourself to empty her cupboards.
You might have felt the latter necessary, but it's a much more provocative thing to do than her simply telling you you don't need to tidy so much.

soupfiend · 19/01/2025 14:31

Its best to just ignore. Just dont answer

ViolettaDePensy · 19/01/2025 14:31

I'd laugh and agree "oh, I know," and just keep doing it

saraclara · 19/01/2025 14:30

CharlotteStreetW1 · 19/01/2025 13:31

she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

Equally as rude OP.

Indeed! Well spotted.

So yes, @roses2 if you're going to make spikey comments about her home, you can expect to get them back.

WonderingWanda · 19/01/2025 14:24

Next time she asks why you clean so much ask her why she doesn't clean enough?

Oncewornballgown · 19/01/2025 14:23

It must be extremely irritating to be subjected to those comments. There aren’t really any circumstances where it is acceptable to comment on a host’s housekeeping standards. It is a very sensitive issue.
My approach in these situations is to just say that it is my personal preference to have this routine for my home. Don’t let her give you the third degree as to why. If necessary, tell her that it is a bit tedious to keep having it commented on and could she please refrain from doing so.

Chuchoter · 19/01/2025 14:23

What's it to do with you?'

Every time.

Everythingisnumbersnow · 19/01/2025 14:22

roses2 · 19/01/2025 12:32

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

Well it's your damn house (but my mum being like you is why I can't bear tidying as an adult - fully associate it with uptight misery)