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Original poster

Best response to MIL telling me to clean less?

137 replies

roses2 · 19/01/2025 12:32

MIL is a staying for 5 weeks (a whole other thread). I like a clean house. I will sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters.

Her house is dirty and cluttered. She’s asking me why do I clean so much, it’s pointless. Not to me it’s not. She’s just used to living in a house with 50 years of dust build up and cupboards full of items she never uses.

Her comments about me cleaning are driving me insane.

mumsnet people what is the best response without outright me telling her that her standards are filthy?

OP posts:
bigkahunaburger · 19/01/2025 16:39

How close is your relationship? Can you use humour? With my mum (and I have the opposite) when she's overstepping I say 'alright Mrs bouquet' to keep it light.

PurpleChrayn · 19/01/2025 16:35

"Because I'm not a mucky bint."

MissDeborah · 19/01/2025 16:34

Either say nothing or
" The mice like it clean" 🐀

Everythingisnumbersnow · 19/01/2025 16:24

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/01/2025 15:50

"like you" - like what?

What OP has described ("sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters") can hardly be described as excessive!

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She tidied her mother in law's cupboards!

RampantIvy · 19/01/2025 16:19

I think @Pinkyhere has the best repsonse.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/01/2025 16:18

Chuchoter · 19/01/2025 14:23

What's it to do with you?'

Every time.

@Chuchoter

why be so twatty to your MIL though?

SapphireSeptember · 19/01/2025 16:15

ThatsWhatImTalkinAbout · 19/01/2025 13:29

Your mils standards may be poor to you but I bet she has a stronger immune system.

People are people and there is no right or wrong answer. It’s just personal preference. But, it’s how you say it to another, that matters.
if you respond by saying ‘I prefer my house to be clean’, that is actually a small dig to your MIL that there is something wrong with her house.
Equally, your MIL questioning why you have to clean so much, is also a dig to you.
You both need to back off on the judgement towards each other.

Sweeping the floor everyday is fine. Medieval peasants did the same in their cottages with earthen floors. They've found grooves where the floor was worn away in excavations. Bet they had better immune systems than the MIL. 🙄

lto2019 · 19/01/2025 16:11

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:13

No, he takes after her!

Saying the same thing on repeat is probably the best approach. I might start decluttering too whilst she’s here as she freaks out every time I try to empty her cupboards and ask why she needs 3 cheese toasie machines!

she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay.

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she needs a backup for the backup for toastie maker!

Grammarnut · 19/01/2025 16:04

I don't clean much and my cupboards are full of things I don't use (often). How she keeps her house is her business. You don't do much cleaning in my book, anyway and you have a cleaner (which I don't and I bet MiL doesn't either). Just say you like hoovering and leave it at that.

bigkahunaburger · 19/01/2025 16:01

I have the opposite with my OCD mum always making digs at my oerfectly normal house. I would always say 'well this is how I like it'. Works mostly - although recently I did lose it as it was just one comment to far and I exploded as she's not said a peep since. Not the way I'd encourage you to go.

Maybe just try and breezy 'it's just the way we like it' and change the subject.

If she is relentless you naught have to be firmer .

TooManyCupsAndMugs · 19/01/2025 16:00

Theunamedcat · 19/01/2025 13:53

You only hoover the hall once a week? 😂

JK (I have cats it's a daily thing)

My reply would be I'm really not cleaning that often? With a questioning look

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Same for me - I feel like I hoover hourly some days! My mum comments on how much I clean when she visits and I point out that during my childhood, the words "nice and" always preceeded the word tidy, so my cleaning obsession is entirely her fault 😂

LookItsMeAgain · 19/01/2025 16:00

@roses2 - you wrote "she lives abroad and is visiting hence the 5 week stay."

Living abroad doesn't always have to equate to guests having to stay many weeks with you.

I'd try to organise something for her next visit so that she spends some time with you and that she spends some time visiting other relations (if this might be an option) or visiting some tourist attractions or just that you can put a guest up for 2 weeks and then they must find somewhere else to stay. I couldn't do 5 weeks. More power to you that you think you can.

Jumpingthruhoops · 19/01/2025 15:50

TheThreeMiracles · 19/01/2025 12:41

Sorry but I did laugh at " dh hates living in a shit hole having grown up in one " classic that would shut her right up 😂😂

To be honest, I would absolutely go with this! No joke. People are far too polite when it comes to this sort of thing, just so they can 'keep the peace'. But MILs comments are already having an impact on OP's 'peace'!

With that in mind, in OP's position, I would just have at it and tell her MIL straight!

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/01/2025 15:50

Everythingisnumbersnow · 19/01/2025 14:22

Well it's your damn house (but my mum being like you is why I can't bear tidying as an adult - fully associate it with uptight misery)

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"like you" - like what?

What OP has described ("sweep the kitchen floor every day after dinner, and once per week hoover the hallway in between the weekly cleaner visit and wipe down kitchen counters") can hardly be described as excessive!

OnceMoreWithAttitude · 19/01/2025 15:47

"I run my home the way it suit me. If you don't like it, look away!"

Sunshineandoranges · 19/01/2025 15:47

Ooooh cockroaches..then I think filthy is an ok word to use and withdraw my Nast comment. Sorry.

Walker1178 · 19/01/2025 15:44

Some people just don’t get it, sounds like MIL might be one of them, in which case nothing you say will have any impact.

DP has asked before why I need to clean so much because, I quote - ‘Our house is always clean’. Yes, dear. It’s clean because I keep it that way. The irony is lost on him 🤦🏻‍♀️

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/01/2025 15:43

Maddy70 · 19/01/2025 15:15

"why does it bother you that I like a clean home?"

I'd go with that.

The fact that she mentions it at all means she's somehow bothered by it.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/01/2025 15:43

Oh. And stop clearing out her cupboards and asking why she needs stuff.

How is that any different to her asking why you clean?

yepyoureright · 19/01/2025 15:42

Say "surely it's better than living in a dirty house"!

She can read into that what she wants!!!!!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/01/2025 15:42

Try
I like doing it.

If she's got cockroaches, make sure none of the little bastards hitched a lift in her suitcase.

Axelotl · 19/01/2025 15:40

'I find it relaxing '😌

Welshwabbit · 19/01/2025 15:38

roses2 · 19/01/2025 13:40

She lives in a hot country and when I went in the summer her larder was covered in cockroach shit everywhere. She’s free to live the way she wants and I don’t criticise her house to her face. However her comments on me doing basic cleaning in my own house drives in crazy and I’m finding it hard to bite my tongue.

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But you do criticise her house to her face if you try to empty out her cupboards! In terms of a fix I agree simply repeating "I find it more relaxing when the house is clean" is the sensible way forward. And sympathies: 5 weeks is a long stint. But maybe also don't interfere with her house when you're there?

Ezkay · 19/01/2025 15:38

I'd suggest she keeps moving to avoid being dusted and polished.

Dita73 · 19/01/2025 15:37

Say you enjoy doing it

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