To feel abandoned by my Mum

@Lovelamp you are actually sounding really entitled!! this is not about her having time to herself, it is about providing you with childcare!! you are a mum and you just have to adjust to it and do it yourself! even babies sleep sometimes!

She's probably just looking down the pipeline, rising utility, fuel and food costs and talk of undoing the state pension triple lock. It might feel like working if she still can is the safe bet.

The attitudes on here make it really clear why so many new parents struggle. Being an adult doesn’t mean never needing support, or wanting to be with the people you love. If that’s growing up then I’m a shit grown up.
if my mum had said she wanted to spend lots of time with DD and I and then didn’t do that I would have felt hurt too.
im really hearing that you feel disappointed and lonely OP and that makes me feel sad for you. I think maybe you just need to accept that your mum for whatever reasons isn’t going to be there as she said. I agree that meeting more people and building that “village” outside of family is important. Some on my closest friends now are from when DD was tiny, 12 years ago!

If someone I knew had started working 6 days a week and not been available to even talk on the phone, both coinciding with a new partner, I'd be worried they were being abused, including financially abused.

Support is needed, yes, not sure about mothering.

She hasnt abandoned you, dont be silly. Her kids are grown and independent and she's living her life, which she has every to do.

You do sound a little resentful, but i can understand that, but theres nothing you can do. Have you spoken to her?

Because it's a pretty existential change in someone's life, and specially postpartum is quite a vulnerable period. My mum came to visit me as often as she could and having her support, her care, her attention as a mum to me, as well as a grandma to my children, was priceless and really, really helped. When you're a mum, you tend to give so much of yourself caring for your children, having your own mum caring for you once in a while is really precious. I'm not talking about my mum treating me like a child at all, but she was/is really supportive, specially when I was really struggling and I needed a shoulder to cry on that wasn't my DP (some things, only another mum would understand them).

I can understand you feeling disappointed she is not as available as you'd hoped, but abandoned no!
Kindly she is living her life as she wants
She may feel you just want childcare as you have mentioned it frequently in your post
Most people do not have, nor need a " village" to help bring up your child.
Your mistake is to compare your situation to friends who you perceive do have this.
Things are not always as they appear.
When I had my first DC, we were living with my seriously unwell DM and juggling caring for my child and her!
To others it must have looked like I had childcare on tap.
Make the best of your situation.. and create your own " village" which doesn't have to be family.

@Lovelamp are you concerned about your mother's drinking? Not saying someone drinking on their day off is any actual reason for concern, but if she's choosing that as he main way to relax when she's off then it's not ideal. Not sure how you'd approach that one though.

No you aren't coming across as a bellend. You come across like you miss your mum and really want her around at this early motherhood time.

When my DGC was born, my DD was living abroad. I managed to spend 6 weeks with them across different visits in
DGC's first few months, partly staying with them and partly giving space but being around, because to me that was a time people need their mum's, or at least want to know they are around in case they do need them, and it's a chance to bond with DGC. We were always close.

Now, several years later, she never calls, doesn't even respond to texts for several days, never makes time to put DGC on the phone or for a video call. She is working hard, has lots of friends and a busy social life of which I see lots of pics on social media. I'm happy for her, but desperately miss my daughter. I don't think 'getting on and living your life' is meant to exclude making time for your family, except in our modern individualistic culture where people have come to see 'family' and 'living your life' as separate things.

However as some others have said, maybe she is struggling financially?

Have you openly told her that you miss her?

Friends can be a village too. 💐

@MagnoliaGirlie why does OP need mothering?

Once a week is quite a lot and I’m surprised your 7 month old doesn’t recognise her. We saw my grandma much less frequently and while I can’t remember being a baby, my brother and I had a great relationship with her and it was special when we saw her.

It does sound like she’s doing a lot with work and social life and if I were her daughter I’d be hoping she eased off a bit but I don’t think you should really be aggrieved.

You probably know and do this already but if ever you do broach it, couching it in the positive about wanting to spend more time with her is much more positive than couching it in terms of her missing out on the baby. People tend to dodge guilt and you don’t what that dynamic at play. If every time she pops round she gets puppy dog eyes from you and suspects reproach behind tales of exhaustion then she may not be enjoying her time with you all.

I wonder if the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree too as I think from your post you haven’t really taken proper maternity leave and this is probably increasing the pressure on you. Was it financially impossible for you not to work during this time or was it at least in part a choice?

Just to add too that she may not want to 'intrude' on your relationship, both with your DP and your baby. There's a world of difference between 'wanting' to come and see you and the baby and actually being able to, too.

I hope you work out some time to see your mum.

I know how you feel, and it's completely natural to need your mum when you become a mum yourself. You need mothering right now and your mum isn't available for that, and that hurts. My parents and my in-laws are all abroad so it's really hard as we don't see them regularly at all, which makes creating the bond with the grandkids difficult, tbh. And I'm not gonna lie, having the free, accessible childcare now and again so my partner and I could have some time together would be nice, but I've made peace with the fact that won't happen, and we'll need to wait for the kids to be older and pay for babysitters now and then.
It's OK to mourn the situation you wish you had. It's OK to feel jealous and angry that others have that on tap and not you. There's not much you can do but make peace with it, I'm afraid. You'll get through this and hopefully when your mum has more time, you'll have quality time with her.

I think you are clearly feeling sorry for yourself at the moment as life is hard. However think about how this has come across on this thread and therefore how your honest conversations have maybe come across to your mum. Try to find some ways to solve your issues without it being your mum's fault/issue. Look for ways to support your mum and you may find your relationship improves. I wonder if you are really missing your partner during the week and missing your mum as fill in company. You have a relationship as well as her and maybe need to focus on finding ways for your DH to be around more.

Gordon Bennett! Having the baby is your responsibility, do you think your mum had lots of people around to help her when she was bringing you up? The early days of having a baby are tough for everyone, with or without help.

I know that I sound really harsh on you but very few mothers get the help that books and films seem to suggest that they might. You worry and push your way through it but you do come through it.

I think you need to change your perspective really. The tone of your post is all about you feeling hard done by. You want more of your mum's time and help, you're not happy she hasn't reduced her hours as she said. You're feeling hurt and from what you've said you've made this clear to your mum (several times).
I'd ask you to flip this round and see things from her perspective. She's presumably an older lady who's worried about her finances and can't afford to retire. She's working six days a week which is my idea of hell. She must be tired and seriously lacking in down time. She still makes time to see you each week even though she probably has loads to do and is tired - but can probably sense you're upset with her and want more from her.
If I was you, yes I'd feel sad that I couldn't have more time with my mum but I do think I'd be more empathetic and concerned for her. I wouldn't tell her off and tell her I struggled to maintain a relationship with her (that must have hurt!). I'd actually be thinking about how i could help her rather than what she could do for me.
I'd say this "Mum, I miss you. I wish we could have more time together but I know it's not possible at the moment. I worry you're working too hard. You raised a family and now you're working 6 days a week when you should be thinking about retirement. You must be exhausted! How about one night after work you come to our house. You can put your feet up with a glass of wine and we'll make you dinner. If you prefer I can take you out for lunch one weekend."

OP, I think you're having a hard time here. But I also think you need to think about your mum's point of view. Your mum is probably afraid to retire, because of the drop in income, maybe she feels guilty that she half-promised to spend more time with you but cannot bring herself to drop hours, she has friends (ok, maybe at work but she will enjoy being with them) and a partner and a house to clean and other stuff to do...

Being a mother of a daughter who has a baby can be complicated. Sometimes you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Make yourself more mum-friends, cut your mum some slack and try to see her whenever she's not working - (but you may need to make an appointment!).,

@Lovelamp nobody is trying to 'make anything out'. Replies are based on what you've written. Do you have a good network of friends who might support/encourage you? A DH who helps with LO? A good childcare facility? You need to make a network instead of hoping your mum will change - much as it might hurt that she isn't more involved, it's her life.

In the kindest way op grow up your a mum now this is what you wanted and you have responsibility now for the next 18 years your child comes first before you.
Just how it was for your mum.
Your mum has her own life now shes done her child raising years she is now living her life how she wants.
She not there to play mummy any more or to give you free child care.
You choose to have a baby and thats your responsibility not hers.