To feel abandoned by my Mum

If I may grab at your last sentence, OP, it's very interesting.
I'm from another country, 45, and the examples I saw for myself as a kid helped me to make a decision not to have any children myself.
Largely people of my age and similar there, they resent their parents being still alive (roughly in their 80s for my generation) and there's very little effort to keep these relationships, as you said, in general.
It's because my parents' generation were, at the best, disgustingly emotionally abusive, worst cases physically.
My step sister is in a MH asylum, my cousin decided he didn't want to live anymore at 28.
Our parents were shit except few.
When rid, people are usually relieved (the 45 -55 age range).
Myself included.
Sorry - dire.

Wow, your mother is working almost every day in the week and you are complaining because she isn't looking after the child YOU chose to have. The world does not revolve around your choices. You are beyond self absorbed.

This! To me, it is so natural to bring support to your family and your loved ones in times of need. I helped my mom plenty when she needed it, and my siblings, and vice versa. It's not about childcare, it's about care.

It’s possible that she was able fo afford to work less when your sister had her kids. These days many are working all hours under the sun to keep their head above water. If she’s working 6 days then it’s unfair to expect her to run around for other people.

All I'm hearing is how she should be helping you and how her lifestyle affects you. God, how entitled 😬

Your mother is allowed to live her own life.
(lucky she got there, imo).
If you decided to have a child, it does come with vast, life-changing consequences.
I presumed adults were aware of this.

@Lovelamp I'm really sorry this is happening. To me, it's naturally normal to want your mum with you, especially as you were very close.

I couldn't have done without my mum. She lived on the opposition of our city but came over every morning. I really needed her emotional support and advice - not childcare.

It's opposite now, my mum had dementia and it's my turn to support her.

I wish you all the best, motherhood is tough, I didn't take to it immediately and my mum helped me become the mum I am now.

Are you sure? Mu mum has never avoided me, but I've never tried to use her as a babysitter. I was attending gym daily, had my hair and nails done, paid for childcare or asked friends to have my baby and I would have theirs when they needed. You keep saying how honest and open your family is but your mum actively avoids you and you are posting on MN instead of talking to her. So much for that amazing communication

But why doesn't she have much time for him either?

And I'd be hurt if my mum had preferred the pub to me and my family every time!

You say there's no expectation of childcare, but then you casually mention wanting to have your nails done. I bet your mum feels like I'd she comes for dinner she will be expected to engage with the baby rather than relax after 6 days of work. I, too, would rather go out drinking. She's had enough of babies. She is clearly not buying you 'missing her' that's why she makes sure your meetings are brief, and she has something to be right thereafter. Pay for childcare like everyone else, rather than analysing your mum's life, how much she drinks, how much she works, where she goes. Honestly.

My son was in the British Army for many years. He was abroad for most of it. He married a woman from another country. I have met her once. They have three children. I met the eldest one as a baby, but not the other two. I get regular updates via the parents' Facebook pages, and it appears that they are all doing very well. I think that it's unlikely that I will ever see them in real life, but that's OK. They live 400+ miles away.

Mel Robbins - Let them

Yabu. Stop trying to control how she lives her life and pay for some childcare if you need it.

Clean her house for her then.

I get it OP and I do think you are getting a hard time here.

As it turned out my parents emigrated on retirement so weren't around at all for visits etc. when dd was born. DH and I don't have any family around and used nursery care for DD which was fine and we'd have done this anyway but having someone to call on for an emergency would have been nice whether a grandparent or aunt. But that's modern life for you.

My parents show no interest in my daughter and live very far away so I just get on with things.

As Mel Robbins says 'Let them' - you have to let people do as they please as you won't change them but you have a choice as to how to react to that.

In your position I'd let your Mum do as she wishes. The plus side is you can do as you wish too so build your life with friends and your nuclear family as your main focus.

I think the upset here is that you thought things would be different and I do feel for you.

I hear you Op, it’s sad. I’ve got friends with doting grand parents, huge families with cousins, aunties, uncles falling over themselves to help. They go away on holidays together, some take the kids away for a week so the parents get a break!

My Mum hasn’t ever come to us, can’t be bothered and makes no effort at all. it’s been months since she called. It makes me so sad, but I won’t change her and have to make the most of my friend network, who do like to hang out with me!
But I know how sad it is.

How do you know she will spend more time with you lol when she's retired.
She might take out a membership at the local gym or go travelling.