To think we're going to have a generation of adults unable to socialise?

I lived in the USA for a while and my sisters adult children went out to Dubai for many years. I often think how much my late Mum would have LOVED facetime.

Yes worrying for sure but have you ever tried to reason with parents who do this regularly?

There is no end of excuses like: "no he just can't sit still", "he needs it to calm him down", "he is ND, it's the only thing that he wants to do". Then you wonder why?!

Are you saying that those from the ‘seen and not heard’ days were all shit communicators, for generation after generation??

If I’m pushing the pushchair and on my phone, that’s because it’s probably the one time of day my child is not physically on me or interrupting my thought process, and I have a bit of headspace to do a bank transfer, book the dentist, read an email from school, text my boss back etc. But way to judge from a second’s snapshot!

Our kids rarely have screens at a table. But I think nowadays kids go to restaurants and places like that far more often than people did in the past. Kids who never went to restaurants in previous generations (my mum for example) managed to pick up the art of conversation perfectly fine. Again, restaurants are one element of life. Screens at restaurants are more to keep the kid still and calm to avoid annoying those around you.

Oh I loved my happy hardcore raving days - your son sounds awesome 🙃

yup me too.

I am in my 70's and used public transport (bus, tube train) around the Uk (south, midlands, west country) from around the1960's to the 90's. While people were polite, I don't ever remember "everyone speaking to each other"

See, I just don't remember these halcyon days where everyone chatted nicely and socialised in shops or waiting rooms.

People had their heads in magazines instead, or newspapers, or stared into space, or just sat with their own thoughts.

I know as a kid I carried a book with me everywhere and read when I was bored or waiting for my tea. How is that any different to someone reading their phone?

The new way of socialising is via screens. Kids are going to implement more and more virtual socialising because that's their normal.

I remember older people complaining about having a telephone in the house and getting calls from friends, they called it lazy and fake socialising. But we now know phone calls are an essential way to socialise

Why? They could be on their way home from an activity they have been to with their child and both could equally need some “quiet time”. Very strange (not to mention high and mighty) to judge someone on the 5 seconds you see of their life.

Yes, I agree. My adult kids are like this too. A young person at work recently had a birthday and celebrated by having an online party! What happened to leaving the house? Aside from seeing people in person, I think being indoors so much is really bad for mental and physical health.

I have an 18 year old but 6th form age, they definitely go out, there are parties, two of them are in relationships. I have friends with Uni age DC and the social life is epic, one of them couldn't wait to get back from the Christmas break to see their friends and resume the social life. My DH has very young cousins and they are more like you describe but they are slightly older, 24 and had the awful COVID Uni experience.

I think it is a bit two tiered if I'm honest and perhaps some DC with parents of a similar mindset i.e encouraging play and parks over devices happened along time ago so they are now teenagers, young adults who don't have this obsession. Our friends with young DC who are a majority as we had our DC quite young, all ban devices when out e.g a New year's Eve party all DC had to play no devices except at the end of the night when they were allowed to play a computer game.

The genie is out of the bottle.

They're the kind of ignorant people that judge regardless though, they will always find something. Meanwhile their grown up dcs are on the stately home thread.

I wince when I see a parent pushing a small child in a buggy and the parent has earphones in, listening to something, instead of interacting with their child.

@Thewaitingseason and you should have a choice in public too. If I don't want to speak to a stranger in the street or while I'm walking my dog, I shouldn't have to.

That's not being deficient in social skills any more than choosing not to your answer your phone is deficient.

Boundaries are boundaries whether they're physically visible or not.

It's happening now. On public transport, queues/waiting for things, in restaurants etc There was a time you would probably have a conversation while waiting for a bus or in the queue at the shop. Now everyone ignores everyone else.

It's no different for me though as I'm not a social person when I was younger I read a book instead

It is difficult to judge, I’ve just taken my two little ones to junior parkrun. We’ve then been for breakfast. The children coloured, ate and we all chatted. Now I’m having a final coffee in peace before we leave and they are happily playing together on an iPad… is that a problem?! I’m sure if anyone just caught this moment they would judge…

There was a radio 4 programme a couple of weeks ago where a group of teenagers agreed to give up their smartphones for a period of time. It did shock me just how much time they spent on them, 10-12 hours a day. I think I waste time on mine and I spend 3-4 hours a day.

They all realised how much it was interfering with their sleep though, if you are denying yourself proper sleep as a youngster that's a tad worrying.

DS is 25, he says he's spending a lot less time on his phone. Can't say I noticed when he came home for Christmas mind you! He does have an active social life, with real people though.

I think it’s the physical boundary

Yes that’s true but in public there’s nothing there to prevent it happening, if it’s a call or knock at the door you have a choice to answer or not.

OMG socialising in restaurants is not a life skill, it’s a nice to have. Such a privileged pov. I grew up in a country which was much poorer, and haven’t actually been in a restaurant till I was an adult; I learned how to
socialise in restaurants just fine.

More generally, unless parents give their children an ipad at 5 and said kid spends all their time there, most kids can socialise just fine, OR will learn it later (eg at uni).
Those who struggle would’ve struggled before as well

I've been supporting an elderly relative in hospital every day recently. It delights me to see multiple people in their 90s scrolling on their phones,calling family and messages pinging in. Phones are changing society in ways I don't fully understand understand the consequences of - but this particular part of it is wonderful.

I came on to say I think it's already happened, and not just the lack of door answering. it's much bigger than that.

The young people that don't want to ever venture into the office, the extreme anxiety in a disproportionate amount of people, the porn fueled basement incels...

@Thewaitingseason and someone speaking to you in public could also invade your personal space or be your boss outside of work hours.

Why is not answering your door a boundary but putting headphones in on the bus isn't?

I do agree that tech has overrun the world, but in my day, parents went to the pub and kids were left in the car with a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps. Not sure that was much better, but we survived!