To think this ended my childhood aged 10?

You’ve given a different picture now.

This wasn’t one event. Children should never, ever be beaten.

You’ve childhood trauma, a recognised condition and you would feel better getting therapy for it.

@DavidStent

I completely understand. My entire childhood is your OP! Such episodes were incredibly frequent. Only difference is both my parents have always been sober, never drank, no substances either, nothing. Just them and their emotional immaturity! 🤣
Glad you're doing better now. I would suggest getting some therapy to unpack it all.

I read a lot of entitled critiques on here of people who felt their parenting wasn’t up to scratch but the way you were treated sounds awful and can understand why you would of been so terribly hurt by it :( Its definitely not something many parents would have said to their children even years ago, just out of love for them and that it’s a clearly hurtful thing to say. However there is completely different culture around parenting now, we are expected to put our children first and not blame them for things beyond their control or societal inequalities, (indeed even in the past this was the predominant prevailing belief but not so entrenched as it is now) there is now much more awareness among everyone including parents about what constitutes emotional abuse and that it is wrong to treat children like that. It’s not even just the societal pressure to not say those kind of things to children, the narratives around now and resources for reflection we have to draw up mean that it’s unlikely most parents would even in their mind blame their children like this.

Its never useful saying 'if this is the worst thing that ever happened' because this was her life and she was a child, what happens to other children has no bearing!

My mother beat me so hard with a broom it snapped in half, I was only 6 years old and had to pretend I fell off my bike as the reason I was walking so slowly and covered in bruises, I was in Year 1. I used to pray each night I die in my sleep, BUT compared to children that were sexually and physically abused daily, it wasn't that all bad , my beatings happened maybe once a month and I was never touched sexually. This didn't really help when I was child, though

Yes, but not on AIBU! @DavidStent, try the Stately Homes thread in relationships, and maybe consider getting some therapy.

Oh op how sad, yes 10 years old ' how do children progress that'
I had similar childhood, became very resilient and independent of them but when I had my own children it hit me like a brick wall, the whys,the why me, was I bad child, well obviously I wasn't but trying to progress it was so difficult, when you look through your children's eyes and know your childhood was wrong, hope you heal, hugs

Ok OP am sorry you went through that and clearly it’s had a lasting negative effect on you.

I am going to say though, in the grand scheme of abuse and trauma, is this really the worst thing that ever happened to you then your very lucky. My mother said stuff like this to me everyday for years! I’ve grown up resilient and determined and frankly a better parent because I’d never subject my kids to that behaviour.

Do you think maybe you could go beyond that night, do you have anything in life that you can focus on that’s positive?

I think there are events that act as the breaking point, this incident acted as the breaking point for her (after all the other shit her mother gave her)

OP a key to all of this is acceptance your mother was frankly an absolutely shit mother, no excuses for her. I had to do this for my own parents who emotionally were a fucking nightmare.

It wasn't until I had my own children I saw although however hard raising children are, some people are simply shit at parenting and should have never become parents, i saw it in my siblings, in friends, in parents of my DC friends, its not something that magically transforms people into good parents, they step up or they can't. Yours, like mine, couldn't.

You can only just move on, and detach yourself from any blame, yours or your parents really, they just couldn't hack it. A bit like some people , no matter how hard they try, would make awful policeman, or teachers or whatever.

Just grieve for the childhood you wished you had, but never did have and move on , gain therapy if you can, some online resources are 'affordable'.

Oh those memories worm into your brain like fibreglass and last forever don't they? I bet if you asked her now she'd not remember saying any of it. The axe forgets but the tree remembers, as they say.

I have no advice for getting rid of it as I have a few of my own, I'm sure therapy would be helpful if it were either affordable or accessible. Just hugs and solidarity, parents really can effortlessly fuck us up can't they?

This should never have happened. It was emotionally abusive towards you.

Feeling like your childhood ended is a valid response. I can identify with the feeling that after an event, I was never the same, never not vigilant.

I hope you find healing and peace

This view is really naive and harmful.

Childhood abuse has long term consequences and in order to heal people need to be able to revisit and examine those memories, discuss them with others, and get support with the emotions.

I disagree, repressing things rarely works. You can't reach a place of acceptance unless you have come to terms with it

It wasn’t this one incident- it was the fact your mother was an alcoholic.

There comes a time in every child's life where they realise their parents are fallible. It is highly unfortunate your time was so traumatic and extreme. I would consider therapy to help you process this as it sounds deeply traumatic and abrupt.

I don't think your reaction to it was extreme or dramatic at all. It sounds like a very traumatic thing to happen and not one where you could choose how to reacted anyway.
Your mum basically said that she blamed you for her unhappiness and from that point on you didn't feel loved? It may be that because it did affect you so badly at the time it is a very clear memory which you have given more meaning to that other less traumatic events.
Do you and did you, feel like she meant it or was she drunk.

I'm very sorry, OP.
Mine ended at around five, when my narcissistic mother asked me whether she should divorce my father (a drunk, emotionally abusive idiot).
At 13, I found my anger and made a good life for myself later.
Abusive parents are shit.
Put yourself first and don't think what ended, someone else effectively did that to you.
Think about your own comfort, achievements and what YOU want/don't want.
Fuck abusive parents - they can be used or you can go no contact, however dire, it's not the fault of the child involved, it's always the adults.
🍀

It serves you no good, to go over this now.
It’s harmful to you, and isn’t helping you live a happy life.
Accept that their relationship wasn’t the greatest. They tried to stay togetther but it was difficult.
You don’t have to relive this now.
You can make the most of what they wanted for you, a happier life.

It does sound horrible and very distressing. However, as someone who grew up in poverty and with an alcoholic mentally ill father. You saying that it ended your childhood sounds dramatic.

Unless there is way more to this than what's in your op.