To think this ended my childhood aged 10?

i am sorry she was an alcoholic

alcoholics talk rubbish, remember that - she wouldnt have meant it

i dont think so
obviously you think so

I can really identify with that idea of childhood ending at about that age, not in the sense of like some childhood idyll being shattered forever in one moment, but more like coming to an age where I could conceive of the idea that there might be something wrong in my mum that she behaved that way, and it wasn't just a matter of me being naughts and getting into trouble - that other kids were not punished in the same way for the same things - and also having reached a point in childhood where you start to have more control over your own action, so taking those two new skills together I could avoid winding her up, and life became a lot calmer. Before that age I thought we were normal, I thought we were a loving family, I kept going back and going back to my mother expecting her to behave with love and kindness and blaming myself for my bad behaviour when she didn't. I think the point where I stopped believing that, at about 9 or 10, you could call that the end of childhood in a way. Does that sound familiar at all OP?

I'm sorry OP and I understand.
When I was 8/9 I first heard my parents have a massive argument about my dads affair with his work colleague/squash partner. They stayed together, but my mum wouldn't let it go and would constantly do things like write on the family calendar "squash with affair partner" in a heart (sarcasm obviously) and ruin days out and occasions with bitter comments. Once my dad bought home fish and chips and I remember her smashing her portion with her fist. It's always stuck with me and I feel, like you, my childhood from then on was totally changed. I obviously feel sympathy for my mum and blame my dad for his affair, but I honestly wish they'd have just split rather than feeling like I was living on edge all the time waiting for the arguments and nasty comments. It used to make me physically sick and I swear it changed my personality completely. Obviously, people suffer worse. It was still shit though.

So sorry to hear this op

I emphasise. I am no longer in contact with mine due to unresolved childhood issues and cruelty

Im Sorry this happened to you. I had similar things happen in my childhood, my parents weren’t particularly happy together yet for some reason stayed together and my mother definitely confided in me more than she should have, I was like her therapist at times and it gave me a lot of anxiety. I never wanted friends round because I was embarrassed if my parents started arguing and shouting at each other, I remember begging them to please stop when a friend was in and it really affected me. Despite this I’m very close to my mum and now as an adult myself I realise parents aren’t gods and they aren’t perfect. They had their faults but they were good parents and still are. I try to look at the bigger picture and not just snipits of time.

It sounds as though you need to work through this in therapy. Having had similar it is helpful to understand not only why it has affected you and how to stop it affecting you as much moving forwards. Often there is a pattern of abuse as others have said and isolating one instance as causal is unlikely but clearly you are wanting to unpick your feelings around her. Maybe ask your GP for some psychotherapy?

Gently, I don't think this did end your childhood at the age of 10, no.

My father was an alcoholic who said some hurtful and not dissimilar things to me when I was a child. I wouldn't say that my adult life hasn't been affected by this (and the drinking/ accidents/ arguments), but in other ways I had a great childhood. My mum was great. I also have some very fond memories of my father. And alcoholism is a long messy disease -- your mum wouldn't have just started being 'off' one day.

To me it sounds as if you're pinning a great deal of unhappiness past and present on this one incident. Honestly, I would try to stop focussing on this particular incident and see it more in the round, with the aim of being as happy, sane and wise as possible in the present.

That’s shit OP, but no I don’t think it means a childhood ending. Parents fuck up sometimes, and no matter what our upbringing we will ALL fuck up at least once in a big way. It doesn’t have to define our parenting though.

However I had a mum who never said sorry and it used to annoy me, so I always apologise to my kids if I’m in the wrong.

Repeatedly reliving it is different from talking about it and processing it.

And what do you mean by it can never be resolved ?

Do you have experience of trauma?

Can you tell me some of the experts on this new branch of thought, I'll look into it.

Your mum shouldn't have acted that way. However, if they were the only incidents I would cut her some slack. I don't remember many birthday parties between 10 and 16 that may have just been you naturally growing out of it

Interesting. Yes, I've read about this too.

My personal experience has been that 'reliving' and talking about a particular part of a traumatic event helped stop my visceral response to the very distressing and intrusive memories of it.

However, when it came to the traumatic event as a whole, it was definitely more helpful to look forward rather than back and find ways not to dwell on it or let it define me.

I guess skilled therapists should recognise when different approaches are appropriate, but they're not always that easy to find .

Oh, OP. That's horrible.

I'm so sorry.

I think you’ll find that there is a new branch of thought, that believes that repeatedly reliving trauma, is not doing people any good.

They constantly relive their upset, it can never be resolved, and all it does is keep a certain type of therapist in work, and ruin peoples lives.

I don't think this ended your childhood. My mum always used to stay she stayed with my dad for the kids - as an 8 year old I used to reply "well I don't want you to stay, I'll help you leave if you want". She said it very regularly!

Tbh it never really bothered me - certainly never "ended my childhood". I think you're being quite sensitive over a single comment

She sounded obviously very unhappy. Also an interesting reference to the church.

Our society is so much freerer now but only a few decades ago divorce and all that stuff was very much frowned on

Sorry op I've just seen the latest post.

Op was she always awful or was this a one off.

People can exhibit this behavior when drunk but be extremely loving when sober and the child starts to learn this so it's not personal

Ie is there anything else to hold onto here.

Oh OP I'm so very sorry to read that there was physical abuse as well 😞 in my case there was none of that, but the emotional neglect alone cuts deep. I hope you are doing well now. Sending hugs x

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