To think car seat safety groups on Facebook are absolutely mental!

I’m very serious about car safety and both of mine rear faced until they were about 6, but I agree that the people in Car Safety Forums can be incredibly judgemental and unkind.

I don't know about anyone else, but my driving is considerably safer when my 2.5 year old is not vomiting everywhere and screaming his head off, while his brother screams, 'muummyy, he's been sick and it stinks!!!' I think on balance preventing an actual accident is probably better for my children's safety than having the accident and the car seat being safer.

Statisticians, they ain’t.

Never braved the FB groups but the threads on here are bad enough.

Never mind the (horrific) emotional blackmail stuff like "you can't put a price on safety" and "I guess I just care more about my children's safety" (a direct quote from yesterday's thread).

But the numeracy is just awful. All you see is claims like "five times safer" but FIVE TIMES WHAT?! Never once have I seen that information. Not sure if they just don't want to acknowledge they don't know or if they genuinely don't realise that they're not actually providing any useful information.

It’s actually not madness, these kind of comments are also part of the problem. You don’t want to do it? Fine. You can get extended refacing seats absolutely fine for a 6 year old if they are within the height and weight limit.

Everyone is aware of how bad car safety used to be, they don't need reminding. It's because if how many children died/ were injured in car crashes travelling like your DD that technology has been improved.

My MIL loves to say how she had her babies in moses baskets on the backseat, she thinks it's funny to tell the story of sil ending up under the front seats after an emergency stop. She thinks I'm over cautious with car seats. I think she was very lucky.

I agree with this. They should be educating people on how to safely forward face your child, ensuring correct fit, good seat etc, not shaming you. Rear facing my tiny 3.5 yo for as long as possible and I am pro rear facing but I also don’t really care what other people do.

It all sounds very extreme. If they're really that worried about safety, the safest thing would be to never allow their child to travel in a car at all.

Back in the real world most families front face by 4 if not younger. I personally used the harnessed graco seats from 2 where the harness can be removed and they become high backed boosters for up to 150cm. Mine used them until secondary school (short dc). Dd1 was in a motorway accident aged just 2 in her (first one, was replaced!) and according to the police it saved her because a rear facing one would have been crushed, first use of that seat, was rear facing until day before! (The rear seat was damaged and the car seat was pushed forward into the drivers seat but due to being short, legs were fine).

I can't speak for other kinds of accidents but this was rear impact at circa 60mph

Proper installation of whatever seat you choose is absolutely critical, make sure it fits your car especially where vehicle seats aren't flat.

All the ones going beserk about safety are probably the ones piling down the motorway at 90 mph.

And yes absolutely to people not understanding the difference between unsafe and safer. If you think logically on a journey where there is no collision, no level of safety is enhanced, it’s only in the event of a collision, and even then the benefits are only fully realised in a head on. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but people’s language and logic around children’s safety (in most situations) is pretty lacking in nuance!

Mine forward faced as soon as they were able - honestly because I had twins and rear facing seats are ridiculously expensive. There is a lot virtue signalling that goes on within the militant ERF groups. If all you do is 30mph trips then rear facing st age 5/6/7 is ridiculous

It is universe that runs parallel to the real world, and honestly Mumsnet is nearly as bad on this subject.

Agree, the groups lack nuance and logic. And again, I kept mine rear facing as long as I could (4 and 2.5). The groups thrive on bullying and ignoring nuance. For instance it’s a gradual sliding scale on the benefits - it is for instance less risky to forward face a 2.5 year old than a 9 month old (which used to be the standard age for it), just as it’s less risky again to forward face a 3 year old than a 2.5 year old. By 4, the risk is the same as it is for anyone in the car, although I accept that in most collisions rear facing would be better for all involved. That said, the type of driving makes a difference too - I’m sure I read that in a rear end shunt rear facing actually increases the likelihood of whiplash.

Mumsnet can be just as bad, a thread yesterday was full of people unable to grasp the difference between unsafe and not as safe.

I rear faced youngest until nearly three (shes nearly 12 now, the only ERF availablefrom a non specialist was a Joie one, that wasn't available when her sister was a toddler), I believe that they are safer, but FF is more than adequate the majority of the time.

Mine aren't little anymore, but I remember this so well. Add child feeding, slings, and nighttime routines to this mix, too. Some of the posters get far too passionate and angry about it all. Very scary.

Christ I’d have been sick every journey rear facing which would not have been safer for my parents to attempt to deal with

like everything with parenting, one size doesn’t fit all it’s what works for you, your children and your family

My DD is in an extended rear facing seat and will be as long as she can, but my GOD then groups!! Awful. It's almost cult like these days. One of the particular big ones run by Gabi is awful. Total narcissist, cult like following. Shames people and riles the group up to join her attack. Absolutely awful. She thinks she's some sort of child safety savior! When really she's just a woman running a business from her garage not much better than an MLM hun

There was no such thing as a rear-facing seat when DD was a baby. She sat in her car seat on the front passenger seat from birth so I could keep an eye on her. No one batted an eyelid. It was perfectly normal at the time. I'm tempted to join one of the Facebook groups just to let them know that.

Not sure if anyone has al explained this to you, but it’s the harness that’s dangerous in the ff position. Look up neck loads etc. It is safest for them to rf until they are plenty big enough to use a hbb.

My LO will have a rear facing to 36kg seat, I totally agree with the movement. The groups I’ve been on are transparent in that they’re run by car seat selling independent experts, with no hint of scam about them. There’s often a lot that can be done to help children with car sickness, without having to forward face them.

HOWEVER

I did come off the groups I was on as they just got too much. It’s a shame, because there’s so much good information out there to help people make better choices of car seat, but the way the groups operated alienated so many people.

Halfords are far from being specialists in child car seats!

now the baby seats last a lot longer.

my mother had a car seat for me in the early 1980’s, very fancy thing she went to a lot of trouble to buy. She didn’t tie it in with a seatbelt or anything because there were no belts in the back. My grandmother thought she was being ridiculously overprotective.

YANBU. I am a firm believer in proper car seat safety and both my DC were rear facing until they were nearly 5.
Saying that, the car seat safety groups are filled with bullies that love nothing more than shaming anxious mums.
I found baby weaning groups were the same.