AIBU to think my MIL is a sociopath?

She's not a sociopath . She's a interfering unsympathetic insensitive bitch .

It's understandable for you both to want support but it's also really important to put the boundaries in place.
That's what you need to do now.

If she brings it up again you say firmly but politely we appreciate your support but at the moment I need to protect myself given the amount of heartache we have had so would appreciate you respecting that.
But absolutely don't be giving her dates of scans obviously you can tell her after once you are more comfortable but you don't need anyone adding to scan anxiety etc.

It's also worth knowing its normal to not fully enjoy pregnancy especially after heartache. It doesn't mean you don't desperately want or love that baby.
If it reaches high levels of anxiety however then reach out to your midwife there are pre natal teams who can help support.

You are NORMAL in this situation! Keep her at as long an arms length as you can. Say as little as possible unless you need to explain that your feelings are VALID and not up for debate.

Good luck with the pregnancy!

Your sharing way too much info with her why on earth would you tell her IVF dates? Would your DH tell her about your other visits to Dr's and discuss your medical history?!

Learn the lesson from today give small amounts of info when you want to. She has demonstrated to you that she's sees it as her discussion right so stop feeding her.

FWIW it's totally OK to be an ostrich in terms of pregnancy for quite a while, I did it with DS2 til 25 weeks. My MIL was then told about the pregnancy when it could finally be confirmed as no issues. She also made my previous MMC all about her.
Your body your rules simply explain to your DH no further updates on when you have appointments etc.

You really don't need to share what you aren't comfortable sharing. I did over 5 years of IVF and didn't discuss with my own parents let alone the in-laws. Now you are expecting is a really good time to start practice standing up for yourself because they aren't going to get less intrusive and demanding once their grandchild arrives.

First of all congratulations on your pregnancy OP, I really hope that all goes well for you this time.

Moving on, I was disappointed to read your update about the reasons that you can't really cut this woman out of your life, or at least until the baby arrives. In your shoes, that's exactly what I would have done, but can now see why it would be difficult. However, you don't have to attend every family event do you? You could surely plead feeling unwell, or the need to rest, so as not to attend? Other than that, when she speaks to you about your pregnancy, I would just say to her, 'I don't want to discuss this MIL, you may have been trying to reassure me the last time we saw each other, but you really upset me, and unless you've been through miscarriages and IVF, quite frankly you have no idea of how it feels, and so are not qualified to pontificate about the matter. Now, shall we move on?' That way you've shown her that even if she was trying to reassure you, she made a mess of it, and have also cut off further conversations, as if she starts again, you just need to say, 'as I said previously MIL, this subject is not up for discussion, now let's move on'.

If communication isn't his strong point, he really needs to work on that before baby arrives!

Seems very early to tell people especially if you're already nervous.

Most people wait until 12 weeks, this pregnancy we waited until 20weeks to share the news as I had a miscarriage before and just couldn't be bothered with people if it happened again.

"When we left I said to my OH why did you not step in there and he said he didn’t want to hurt his mums feelings so it was obviously fine for mine to be attacked!"

If your husband isn't prepared to protect you, you need to set your own boundaries as she will likely only get worse. I'd reduce contact with her and be clear with your husband as to why. To be frank if my husband behaved like yours I'd read the riot act as it's the type of thing that breaks down relationships. His job is to protect you especially when you're vulnerable, not hang you out to dry.

I would tell her that miscarriage is often caused by defective sperm and if she had created a healthier son, then you wouldn't be having this problem.

If she's going to (unjustly) blame you, you can do the same.

Though it probably is worth noting that if your husband has been drinking alcohol, smoking, eating UPF and leading a generally unhealthy lifestyle during the time you've been trying to conceive, he may well be the cause of your miscarriages and any morning sickness and pre-eclampsia if you suffer from that.

Men really should be upping their game when they attempt to procreate, as they have all the fun, whilst women suffer the physical consequences.

My Mil said "oh well, you can try again" when I had a MC
Sometimes people say stupid things when they don't know what to say

It's not good enough that your DH didn't step in and tell her to stop. I'd be reading him the riot act. You don't have to put up with her bullshit and you were right to stand up for yourself. Stop sharing information with her and look after yourself. It's an anxious time for you and you are entitled to feel what you feel. Put yourself and baby first 💐

I should add that I had a less awful version of this when I was actually miscarrying - MIL refused to believe it was, and said all would be well. I let DH deal with the phone call three days later when we got back from hospital. We kept silent on the next two mcs and she’s had more sense than to ask why we never told her, or why we left it as late as we did when we told them we were expecting DS2.

I hope all goes well for you and entirely understand how you can’t get excited just yet.

DH needs a very strong warning. Any more of this, and you’re done with her. Unless you’re prepared to explode, which I would do if there is a repeat of this.

You see I hear her comments on miscarriage were meant to reassure you rather than anything goady. Even with the stats above it does shoe that most pregnancies do continue.

Good luck with you pregnancy.

Wow you are very much not being unreasonable.

Drastically reduce contact with her. Let OH visit her at her place so you don't have to see much of her. You don't need people around you making you feel like shit.

I'm really glad you pulled your OH up on it. If he doesn't understand why you need to keep her at arms length for a while then tell him again how she makes you feel and you can't rely on him to support you so you're going to look after yourself while you're feeling so vulnerable.

I think you will be seeing very little of this woman until your kid is 37 years old.

She also told me that things don’t just ‘go wrong’ and miscarriage isn’t really a thing for most people!?

Then show her these statistics to explain why you're scared:

• in women under 30, 1 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage
• in women aged 35 to 39, up to 2 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage
• in women over 45, more than 5 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage

(Source Miscarriage - Causes - NHS)

Although a better resonse would be to stay away from her. This won't be the end of it, she'll have opinions that she won't keep to herself on breast/bottle feeding, nap times, dummies, being out in the car (bet she'll expect you to be over there regularly) etc.

And if DH complains that you're not seeing her tell him you might if, and only if, he is prepared to step in if she starts at you.

My guess is she's as anxious as you and she thinks that by voicing all the things she has it will not happen. Like a superstition. If I say xyz to you then it WILL be fine.