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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For keeping an order that I’ve received a refund for?

163 replies

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 20:20

Long story short. Ordered DH a fairly expensive tech item for his birthday from large retailer. Item didn’t arrive and when I chased the retailer it was presumed lost and they sent a replacement. It was supposed to be on next day delivery but this didn’t materialize either. Week later I call again to be told the item was detained by customs and it would be returned to the retailer. They point blank refused to send another item and instead only offered me a refund. Feeling very frustrated as I still had no birthday gift, I reluctantly accepted and ordered a replacement on Amazon (which I haven’t received yet either). Since receiving the refund, both the ‘missing’ orders have turned up. I am overseas and so I imagine it would be a hassle/expense for them to arrange a courier to collect them for return? AIBU for just keeping quiet and keeping both? Appreciate that this is morally ambiguous and I am quite sure I will get lots of mumsnetters up in arms at my morally bankrupt thought processes but they are a large company and surely will have insurance to cover such losses? And who really gives a flying fuck if the insurance company are out of pocket a few hundred quid when they rob the living daylights out of us all? My only concern is if they can track / trace that they have been delivered and force me to return / repay? What would you do?

OP posts:
MathsMum3 · 18/01/2025 21:44

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:33

Didn’t say I was doing anyone a favour. Can’t believe how many people are getting on their high horse about this. No one is asking you to do anything wrong. Yes the best thing to do is to fess up but I’m pissed off with them for ruining my DH’s birthday and I can’t be arsed to deal with the hassle of organizing a return when I still don't have a gift. Hardly the crime of the century is it? 😂

Well you did, because you suggested that the supplier wouldn't be interested in a return because of the cost. But hey ho, as other posters have suggested, if you're so convinced you're in the right, why are you posting on "am I being unreasonable"?

namechangetheworld · 18/01/2025 21:44

GogoGobo · 18/01/2025 21:35

I think you are 99.9 % likely to get caught out because if an item is left in a safe place by the courier they take a photo of the item in the safe place.
They will only use a safe place if you have designated one.
if the items are over a certain value then the company will claim against the courier - who will provide evidence/tracking info. I think if it was just 1 item you might be ok but as it’s two I think it will get looked in to. Clearly not for a £10 Amazon order but for a tech item worth a few hundred pounds they will want to know there isn’t a theft issue with the courier firm….

They will only use a safe place if you have designated one.

Well that's nonsense, I've never given a designated safe place before in my life, yet regularly have parcels dumped behind my bins, my plant pots, on my doorstep, over my back fence, under my car ... the courier decides what they deem 'safe'.

Youtookmyhandle · 18/01/2025 21:41

I very much doubt they'll chase an item that wasn't signed for. It's completely up to you whether to keep or return it.

BeMellowOchreZebra · 18/01/2025 21:40

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:25

Would they really go to all that trouble, years down the line, to recoup a few hundred quid?

Depends on the company and the accounting system.

I had one two years after which was surprising - I had the goods but they'd refunded by accident and I didn't realise. At first I was pissed off, but when I checked my bank statement (not as much as I ought to it would seem!) the payment had indeed been refunded.

Clearly a crappy accounting system!

AgnesX · 18/01/2025 21:38

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:34

Nothing wrong with the morals of an alley cat 😂

Except they don't know any better. You do which is the difference.

Hepherlous · 18/01/2025 21:36

As it's 2 items that (from their perspective) have gone missing and are high value they may be more likely to investigate further. If evidence was found to establish that both items had in fact been delivered to you (for example from the courier's records) they might be more inclined to take action. In the UK it would be a theft act offence but I expect they'd follow up with you directly first for you return them or pay for them. Would using the items create a digital footprint that could be linked to you? Anyway, as it's 2 items I'd be more worried they'd pursue it which would stress me out in your shoes.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/01/2025 21:35

Why do you need 2 free ones? Plus the thing youve paid for that’s yet to arrive?

GogoGobo · 18/01/2025 21:35

I think you are 99.9 % likely to get caught out because if an item is left in a safe place by the courier they take a photo of the item in the safe place.
They will only use a safe place if you have designated one.
if the items are over a certain value then the company will claim against the courier - who will provide evidence/tracking info. I think if it was just 1 item you might be ok but as it’s two I think it will get looked in to. Clearly not for a £10 Amazon order but for a tech item worth a few hundred pounds they will want to know there isn’t a theft issue with the courier firm….

Badlands1 · 18/01/2025 21:35

It's theft/fraud as it stands. Let them know and they can send a courier if they want it back - if they don't then keep it. All you can do is inform them.

All this karma/big business stuff is just self justification

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:34

EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/01/2025 21:34

As long as you are happy to accept that you are a thief.

Yeah yeah yeah

OP posts:
Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:34

AgnesX · 18/01/2025 21:32

If you want to be no better than a thief with the morals of an alley cat knock yourself out.

Not that give you appear to give a flying fuck about that anyway.

Nothing wrong with the morals of an alley cat 😂

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/01/2025 21:34

As long as you are happy to accept that you are a thief.

Panicmode1 · 18/01/2025 21:34

I don't understand the world any more! What is the point of posting - to see whether other people are happy to defraud a retailer in the same situation? When similar has happened to me, as it has on occasion, either they have said to keep it, or they have paid for a courier to collect it. My conscience has been clear.

You obviously want to keep it and have justified it to yourself, so crack on 🤷

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:33

MathsMum3 · 18/01/2025 21:29

I see. So getting caught is your only concern. In which case, I'd say you're unlikely to get caught, so knock yourself out and keep the items. But don't kid yourself that the situation is "morally ambiguous", or that you're doing anyone a favour. Getting caught is the consequence you need to accept for your admitted "morally bankrupt" behaviour. I wish I could say "good luck" with this, but I don't!

Didn’t say I was doing anyone a favour. Can’t believe how many people are getting on their high horse about this. No one is asking you to do anything wrong. Yes the best thing to do is to fess up but I’m pissed off with them for ruining my DH’s birthday and I can’t be arsed to deal with the hassle of organizing a return when I still don't have a gift. Hardly the crime of the century is it? 😂

OP posts:
AnotherNameChange0 · 18/01/2025 21:32

I'd keep it!

Natsku · 18/01/2025 21:32

Had similar happen, ordered books from UK, didn't arrive so complained and the company sent them again, then the original ones plus the new set arrived. I thought about telling them but honestly the hassle of returning a massive heavy box of books from abroad put me off so I said nothing and gave the spare books away (would have felt bad if I sold them and profited from this)

Dollshousedolly · 18/01/2025 21:32

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:00

But why when I can keep it for free?

Because it’s dishonest ?? No matter who or where you bought it from.

AgnesX · 18/01/2025 21:32

If you want to be no better than a thief with the morals of an alley cat knock yourself out.

Not that give you appear to give a flying fuck about that anyway.

Dollshousedolly · 18/01/2025 21:30

I’d message and state you received the missing order on xx date and could they please organise a courier to collect the parcel, along with a free returns label.

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:30

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 18/01/2025 21:29

Also how did it get delivered, did you sign for it? Or was it left in a safe space that they can't prove it wasn't stolen

Delivered by local postie, no signature and left in an open garage

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 18/01/2025 21:30

Your chances of getting caught or not getting caught bear no relation to the fact that it’s theft and not remotely morally ambiguous. Do what you want I guess - my conscience wouldn’t let me, no matter how bad the customer service process.

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:30

EmmaMaria · 18/01/2025 21:29

You need to come up with a better description that "morally ambiguous". How about "thief"?

Yeah alright then, if you like 😂

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 18/01/2025 21:29

Also how did it get delivered, did you sign for it? Or was it left in a safe space that they can't prove it wasn't stolen

MathsMum3 · 18/01/2025 21:29

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 20:51

I’m not justifying it. As I said, I’ve made my peace with it, and don’t really care if anyone thinks I’m morally bankrupt. I’m more concerned if I’m likely to get caught 🤷‍♀️

I see. So getting caught is your only concern. In which case, I'd say you're unlikely to get caught, so knock yourself out and keep the items. But don't kid yourself that the situation is "morally ambiguous", or that you're doing anyone a favour. Getting caught is the consequence you need to accept for your admitted "morally bankrupt" behaviour. I wish I could say "good luck" with this, but I don't!

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:29

littlemissprosseco · 18/01/2025 21:26

Morally ambiguous!

It’s totally wrong, eventually the company will get tracking details and will know it was delivered. I understand your thoughts on insurance, customer service etc…. But where’s the line between a small and large business??

Shops in every part of the country and huge online presence. Fairly large business 😂 Yes it is morally questionable but seriously is there really a victim other than the fat cat CEO who might get a few pence less in his enormous bonus?

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