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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For keeping an order that I’ve received a refund for?

163 replies

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 20:20

Long story short. Ordered DH a fairly expensive tech item for his birthday from large retailer. Item didn’t arrive and when I chased the retailer it was presumed lost and they sent a replacement. It was supposed to be on next day delivery but this didn’t materialize either. Week later I call again to be told the item was detained by customs and it would be returned to the retailer. They point blank refused to send another item and instead only offered me a refund. Feeling very frustrated as I still had no birthday gift, I reluctantly accepted and ordered a replacement on Amazon (which I haven’t received yet either). Since receiving the refund, both the ‘missing’ orders have turned up. I am overseas and so I imagine it would be a hassle/expense for them to arrange a courier to collect them for return? AIBU for just keeping quiet and keeping both? Appreciate that this is morally ambiguous and I am quite sure I will get lots of mumsnetters up in arms at my morally bankrupt thought processes but they are a large company and surely will have insurance to cover such losses? And who really gives a flying fuck if the insurance company are out of pocket a few hundred quid when they rob the living daylights out of us all? My only concern is if they can track / trace that they have been delivered and force me to return / repay? What would you do?

OP posts:
CautiousLurker01 · 19/01/2025 07:55

BunfightBetty · 18/01/2025 20:27

I’d tell them and see if they want you to return it. But if they do, it needs to be fully at their expense and your convenience. I wouldn’t be walking to the post office for them, they could send a courier to collect it during a one hour window when I would be home anyway. That I would facilitate. No more.

This - if you keep it is it theft, I’m afraid, so you need to advise them that it has now arrived and that they need to arrange a courier collection by X date. If they don’t collect it you can keep it/pass on as it becomes ‘abandoned goods’ (I think that’s the term?).

Moonshower · 19/01/2025 07:54

If you only wanted 1 in the first place, I would contact them and say 1 has just turned up at your door. They might tell you to keep it or they might ask for it to be returned. Then you will know their stance. I would feel better returning one and then keeping the other.

yaryahyap · 19/01/2025 07:50

Keep it, I was sent two orange items instead of one nothing ever happened

Crocsake · 19/01/2025 07:47

How was the service abysmal? They sent you something that got held up at customs, so they sent a new one. Not really their fault is it?

To be honest, given the value you described I might let them know one had arrived and see what they say. It’s not like you’re going to be left out of pocket and you still have the item.

kellysjowls · 19/01/2025 07:44

Don't do the crime if you don't want to do the time.

Seems silly to have a 'win' of gaining an item which under the law you have stolen if you are going to be stressed about it.

The whole point of a 'win' is that it's enjoyable!

TheFluffyTwo · 19/01/2025 07:37

I'm sure you'll just laugh but for me these kinds of day-to-day thefts and dishonesties all accumulate to make the world a worse place to live. They chip, chip, chip away at any sense of trust and feeling of honesty and fair dealing between people which end up affecting everyone (practically and emotionally). Pepples on the beach. Not to mention the increase in insurance premiums!

The stupid thing is, if you contacted the company chances are they'd tell you to keep it and you'd be in the same position but with a clear conscience and without adding to the pile of mistrust and bad feeling in the world. You might even cause the opposite of a feeling of nice surprise that there are still honest, decent people around.

Very clearly nothing anyone says about that will change your mind, though. There are always reasons to justify poor behaviour to ourselves!

Nettleteaser101 · 19/01/2025 07:37

I ordered a sundial as a surprise present for my DH's birthday it didn't come until a week later than his special day and I was furious. It was very expensive so I really couldn't afford another present and had to tell him his wasn't coming till after his birthday. If they had sent me 2 by mistake I wouldn't have told them and kept the extra one. They had spoilt my DH's surprise and I was really pissed off .

Lairymary · 19/01/2025 07:28

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:15

Because I’m interested in what other people would do (less in your judgement) and if I’m likely to get caught.

At the end of the day between their customer services, the courier messing up by temporarily loosing it/them, it's their mess, you've currently not done anything wrong, however if this were me, I would make one attempt to contact them and alert them that one of the items had been delivered and as you have ordered from a different company you no longer require it and they are welcome to collect it. As it's a high value item they might collect it, I guess it depends on the shipping and customs* *grief involved and if they can afford the loss. Sometimes it costs the company less to let you keep it. For your own peace of mind, at least you tried and have proof that you tried if it comes back to bite you on the arse. It's possible it could open up a can of worms at the company with certain employees not wanting to highlight any incompetence with procedures and your attempt might get ignored and brushed under the carpet. If they do want to collect it leave it where the courier left it so it doesn't inconvenience you. It sounds like a lot of moneys worth of goods that you've received so I couldn't just sit on it morally.

DarkForces · 19/01/2025 07:28

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 21:25

Would they really go to all that trouble, years down the line, to recoup a few hundred quid?

It's no trouble for them to report you for theft as the police will handle the investigation and prosecution. No one on here can possibly tell you how likely it is this will happen.

Survivingnotthriving24 · 19/01/2025 07:24

If you do get contacted please don't say you didn't get it in case your postie loses his job.

exLtEveDallas · 19/01/2025 07:21

We had this with an iPad that was discovered at the back of our bin shed about 2 weeks after a refund (and multiple wasted trips to a Yodel dispatch centre/hours spent online) a few years ago. We didn't give it back, we were never charged.

nomoretreats · 19/01/2025 07:16

fiorentina · 18/01/2025 22:36

I had this happen and I told them. I also had four of one item instead of 1 arrive, and I did tell them. Mainly as I was worried about bad karma if I kept them and felt better returning them/telling them.

This. Karma has a habit of biting you on the bum when you least expect it. Unless you are happy to pay the hundreds of pounds it cost if/wjhen you get caught.

Gingerbiscuitt · 19/01/2025 07:07

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 20:23

even if each item is in the multiple hundreds?

They'll pay for the courier as you've bought expensive items. They will probably discover that the items actually arrived and will chase you.

Mindymomo · 19/01/2025 07:03

I’m afraid I would contact the seller, if it was a cheap item, then I wouldn’t bother, but an expensive item, no matter if it was from a big or small company.

Nonaynevernomore · 19/01/2025 06:52

PeppyGreenFinch · 18/01/2025 23:46

That’s not what your OP said.

Karma will get you, you will lose MUCH more than you’ve gained here.

There is no such thing as KARMA, honestly think about it!

If she loses anything then it’s just life, not that she’s likely to lose anything.

I cannot believe grown adults believe in such utter nonsense!

Lightofheart · 19/01/2025 06:49

Without a doubt, keep them. They'll never know. I wouldn't give it another thought!

Whyherewego · 19/01/2025 06:44

The retailer may come back when they do inventory and work out some items are missing. They'll have evidence from delivery company it was delivered albeit not to you personally. They will weigh up the benefit of pursuing vs cost of item. Hundreds is marginal so could go either way.

In likelihood if they pursue, it will the delivery company they go after, unless this was your agreed safe place. As the delivery company failed to deliver to you. This may end up on the shoulders of the delivery person depending on the delivery company terms and conditions of employment.

If it was your agreed safe place then you will have been deemed to accept it and then it will be you they pursue which would likely be a letter/contact asking for payment and thereafter small claims. Probably they won't bother with that given the value (although 2 of them may swing it).

Easier thing to do which I've done in the past is to make a lightweight effort to return it. So email their customer service and say you will make items available for collection on this date or something. If they don't respond then you can genuinely say you tried and keep the item

HPFA · 19/01/2025 06:13

As regards insurance, the reason we all pay such high premiums is because people like you are happy to defraud them.

I so hate this type of excuse for theft, the same as "it's OK to steal from a supermarket because they all treat suppliers badly".

I'm willing to bet that none of the people who say this kind of thing ever do anything actually useful to small businesses like buying directly from them or from a farmers market. No, just use it as an excuse for their own bad behaviour.

JustMyView13 · 19/01/2025 05:59

I would contact them and notify them, but leave it up to the retailer to schedule collection at a convenient time to you.
It’s just always better to be honest in these scenarios.
I know of someone who done something similar with a high value item, and the retailer took it to the police, and they’re banned for life from that retailer. And the goods recovered from their property, which was the proof the theft was committed.
There’s a good chance if you call them, they might say keep it. But do bear in mind, these retailers tend to have loss prevention teams for this reason.

R053 · 19/01/2025 05:37

It would probably depend if the retailer operating through the Amazon third party platform was Amazon itself or a small - medium business. If Amazon, I’d leave the ball in their court and simply pay for it with the refund if they chased it up and demanded payment.

But if it was a third party retailer, especially a medium or small business, I would contact them and arrange to pay, if requested.

I dislike Amazon and I believe they have basically forced other retailers onto their platform with free Prime membership trials, which ramps up their profits as far as I am concerned.

Ladyj84 · 19/01/2025 05:03

Sorry I was brought up to be always honest and that's the way I bring my kids up. Doesn't matter big retailer or small, insurance or no insurance it comes from somebody's pocket. Different if they say keep it or if they return it at there own expense but nope I would not do this regardless of delays which is more than expected long before Xmas anyhow

Momtotwokids · 19/01/2025 04:58

Phallicfriday · 18/01/2025 20:51

I’m not justifying it. As I said, I’ve made my peace with it, and don’t really care if anyone thinks I’m morally bankrupt. I’m more concerned if I’m likely to get caught 🤷‍♀️

Let's hope so.

Scirocco · 19/01/2025 04:52

It's illegal. If you get caught you could face the consequences of a criminal record, which have implications far beyond just a few hundred pounds.

The CEO isn't going to be affected at all by a couple of items being stolen, but the people directly involved in having got the items to you could be.

PeopleLikeColdplay · 19/01/2025 04:24

I'd keep it. They've got no proof of delivery.

HaroldMeaker · 19/01/2025 04:14

I mean, keep them or don't keep them, it's really up to you. In a situation like this I can imagine myself worrying endlessly that I'm about to blot my karmic copybook forever more, and will die a pauper as a direct consequence, lol. So do whatever brings you the best result is probably my advice.

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