Friend asked for money for freezing eggs/IVF. I feel strange/lost.

Widows get taken advantage of. My mum lost my dad many years ago. People seem to think that any money she inherited is up for grabs - like it isn’t really her money. She needs to save her money as she is retired, but people still think that she’s an ‘easy touch’ and she somehow owes money to them. It’s crazy.

What the bloody hell was she thinking!!!!

I would tell her you think she has wildly misunderstood your financial situation , that you are not in a position to support expensive treatment for her, and to be honest, given the devastating events of your own life you need to think about your own future.

Be clear and pro active in telling her this now, don’t give yourself the ongoing worry that she will come back for IVF ££, and the subsequent squirming.

You can tell her this calmly without hostility or aggro.

I am sorry she has put you in this position.

Money does weird things in relationships with friends sometimes. I have a close family member who sold his business, in order to retire, last year. He got a few million £ for it and will certainly have a comfortable retirement - but no luxury yachts or helicopters, he has DC, one with SN who now can be adequately provided for when he and his DW have died.

He told me recently that I would be amazed how many "old friends" suddenly contacted him, out of the blue, with ways in which he could spend / invest that money through them. Cfs abound sadly.

I don't care so much that she has savings or not, or how much she may imagine you have in your own savings. It's still a weird thing to ask of someone, and I wouldn't.

Yes, I do think she's implying that she might come back to you for money for IVF, when the time comes, so I'd either nip it in the bud now or come up with my response for the future. Personally, I'd rather not be worrying she's going to spring it on me at any moment, and I think it would be better for her, too, to know not to count on me for funding. However, on the other hand, it may never come up again, if she can afford it on her own, and then you'd be spared the awkward conversation and her feelings of resentment.

In the end, I think it's too much to ask of a friend, and she's wrong to put you in this spot.

You need to be clear that you won't be giving or lending her money either now or in the future. Don't leave her in any doubt

Yes, it is very odd and not appropriate. Does she feel she could ask you to buy her a car? Just say no and move on.

Dear Dickhead.

I am not a cashmachine, regardless of how good your manipulative sob story is.

Good bye.

Forever.

IVF is free for single women on nhs up to two attempts (though postcode lottery)

What? No. What an insensitive request. Hope you are healing well after your loss.

No!

You can't ask a friend to fund what is essentially a lifestyle choice

It's sad if you can't have children that you really want but it's not for someone else to pay for. They're not a right.

I'm really sorry to hear about your partner.
Your friend is way out of line asking you for money, especially for egg freezing etc etc.
She certainly thinks you've had a windfall with your partner's death. That's the main reason why she's asking you.

I would be so confused about your friend's messages too, in your shoes. I think tell her straight that you won't be able to give her or lend her any money just so she does not raise it again. You could say you are still grieving and not wealthy to the point of wanting to give away money just to make sure she keeps at arm's length, but she really should not have to be told this, I don't think

I can't help thinking that now that you are widowed as such she's thinking you won't be having a family so won't need the money yourself.

Sorry for your loss.

Wow she isn't a friend she is preying on you when she knows you are grieving. Isgusting behaviour from a so called friend.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I agree with others who have said nip this in the bud.

Doesn't matter what the loan is for, it's yours.

No is a complete sentence and you don't elaborate.

After this, I'd be distancing myself from this woman permanently.

I agree you need to nip this in the bud now.

id be tempted to message her back and say that you want to make it clear that you don’t have the sort of income/savings to help others for ivf. In fact I’d take it a step further and lay it on thick that since your partner died things have been very hard financially and actually you might need help from friends with savings to pay bills!!!

I agree. Be clear now that you will not be able give money now or later.

Her message is so entitled. Do you usually pay for meals / tickets when you meet her?

What a horrible woman. Does she see it as 'free money' if it came from the death of your partner?

Please take the advice from one of the PPs making it clear she is not to expect money. "Let's just wait and see" Weirdo!

I am very sorry for your loss btw.

I think it is pretty fucking cheeky to ask for money like that, without any idea whether you are in a position to, or open to, funding such a thing, particularly when they already have savings.

I have had funding for something expensive from a friend - but I didn't ask, they offered (nor did I drop heavy hints, or even light ones) and have told me if there is another situation where I need a similar investment, they are able to consider it (willing but not always financially able), so potentially I would ask them.

It is a VERY rare friendship that can withstand this sort of thing and I would not have taken a friends money had I been able to fund the whole thing myself, or if it hadn't been a time sensitive thing. I have other friends with significantly more money who I would not ask, and if they offered I would decline because the friendship is just not on that sort of footing, they're not 'that' sort of person.

I would make it clear to this friend that she's made assumptions about finances that are incorrect and that you're not in a position to fund anything for anyone, and you're not very happy about being put on the spot like that.

She may respond poorly and disappear on you but if she does its (yet another) reflection on her poor character I think! Or she may realise she's been a massive dick and apologise profusely... stranger things have happened!

You're definitely not obliged to give or lend her money. Have you posted about your situation before? Sounds very sad.

The only vaguely positive spin I can put on it is she wants you to be close and involved. But mostly it's extremely grabby and tacky.

If up to now she has been a good friend I would message her something like "Dear friend, I wish you every success with this, but please don't ask me for money again. Look forward to seeing you on Saturday."

I can't believe that she asked you to ' give' her money when she already has savings.
What a cheeky fucker..
OP you need to squash this good and proper before you find yourself being talked at to transfer cash

I would re-evaluate your friendship. I think you are being kind suggesting that she thinks you have money due to a career change: I think that she thinks you have money from your DH estate which is morally bereft.

I am so sorry for your loss and the added stress from the complex and protracted probate. I hope that you have support outside of this individual x

Say no now. Nip the 'future possibility of IVF' convo in the bud now:

This isn't normal and I would not consider loaning money that I could not afford to never see again, basically. I've considered it one two occasions when friends were going through hardships, but thankfully they were able to secure their own loans or their family came through. I say thankfully because even though these people are very close to me and I consider them to be family (I do not have much family and they are all the sort who have us over for all holidays/ travel together etc and I know this feeling isn't one-way) loaning money to ANYONE, family or not, is such a pain and often goes really wrong. If the person can't repay or decides to spend the money elsewhere, all of a sudden they slowly disappear. OR they start asking for more!

I digress. I empathise btw, dual US/UK citizen here as well and I'm not looking forward to that particular phase of having to settle estates.