Friend asked for money for freezing eggs/IVF. I feel strange/lost.

'She asked if I would give her money for egg freezing'

I would have stated at her stonily and then told her that I never wish to speak to her again.

The off switch would have been pressed.

One of my close friends is a solicitor who has a saying: "Where there's a Will there's a relative". This doesn't quite cover your situation; however, I hope you manage to negotiate your way out of this awful situation.

From someone who has very burnt fingers lending money to friends, my advice is DON’T.

Some people can smell money/possible money and are entitled and greedy. They're very good at "sharing". Only their "sharing" means you can't have anything without them wanting to dip their greedy beaks. The excuses and language they use are ridiculous. Here's one, newly separated after a long marriage, numb and lost. A "friend" (with 4 failed marriages behind her), had previously mentioned my very humble flat and wondered why I had it and she had
" nothing". (She was unfaithful, drunk and profligate). Turns to me later and says, " I've had a great idea! Why don't WE sell YOUR flat and buy a bar on the Costa del Sol?

This is really odd to the point I’d be wondering if it’s actually my friend and not a scam.

I would be inclined to ignore at this point.

Sorry for your loss.

Stick to your guns OP

No way, where would it end, probably never. Either endless rounds of ivf to pay for or child rearing costs. We never lend money in our friendship groupz some of us are much more wealthy than the others but none of expect the other ones to cover them for anything even for a mealz we split costs equally and chose things we can all afford to do. Lending money to friends is a sure fire way to ruin a friendship.

Just say no and that she needs to sort out her own arrangements. Personally I would also add that I am very angry and disappointed that she asked me. You should have been more assertive from the very beginning. Some friend she is if she wants to sponge off you.

" Started lecturing me on how 'giving' has been proven to make people feel good and that a baby is a blessing... and then reiterated that we get 'one life and it's short' (I know, my partner died suddenly!"

Sorry you had to go through that. It really was a massive cheek.

We bonded during pregnancy and being new moms w jobs. Like me she wasn’t local, had moved to area didn’t know many other moms as we both working jobs with long hours.

@Banyon goodness me, you know a lot about your dentist and her private life! I hardly get a "sit in the chair please" from mine

Well done her👏🏻🤩
I'd do the same in her shoes!

Sorry to say but I think you're well shot of her. She sounds unhinged and if she does come slithering back "to give you one last chance to be the kind and giving person she knows you to be" I think you need to tell her that you have nothing further to say to her and any further contact will result in reporting her to the police for harassment. So sorry this has happened to you on top of everything else.

I'm sorry. This is not what friends do.

She is working hard to extract a large sum of money from someone going through one of the worst experiences life can throw at them. She's even getting belligerent with you. That life is short comment is both insensitive and manipulation on action.

She wants you to support her getting pregnant, then pay child support. This is not a reasonable expectation at any time. When it happens after her target (you), has suffered a devastating life loss, it shows she's trying to take advantage of your loneliness and confusion. This is calculated and not done with any good intentions.

Time to block her. She wants to use you for money.

Gross.

" Life is short " she's telling you, who has lost someone fairly recently, that life is short? She's lost the plot. Her whole attitude has been inappropriate. Definitely drop the rope with this friendship

OP firstly I am so sorry for your loss 💔 You sound like you've had an extremely difficult time and time to process what has happened to you must be extremely hard. In time maybe seek some counselling?
If your friend had asked for some support with a payment plan/legal doc etc that's different. Was she there for you during your time of loss? She sounds like she is expecting you to pay. I would politely but firmly explain you have your own options to consider and that her savings are to do with as she chooses as are yours. She needs to ask family etc. Don't go through this grief OP when you have already been through so much. Hugs to you.

Well hopefully she'll come to her senses OP - if she does she ought to be utterly mortified.

If she doesn't she wasn't a Friend in the first place, so no real liss to you.

Wishing you all the best for the future

Not your responsibility to give her a baby and if the friendship is over, that sounds like a bit of a blessing to be honest.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were right and I hope that the prospect will encourage the OP to dig her heels in. This sort of pressure is, as you say, often couched in terms of "making you feel better about yourself" a particularly insidious form of guilt-trip put on women especially. It's interesting how often it emerges at particularly stressful times, when its target already feels vulnerable. I'd like to know exactly why its perpetrators think people in @fjordsnights situation need to feel better about? What do they think she's done?

I'm not so sure. I think she'll be back for one last attempt to convince you how it really is in your best interests to pay for her plans because it will make you feel better about yourself in the long run. She's trying to help you afterall.

It shouldn't matter if she has money or not. It's not her responsibility to pay for some CF's life choices.

For various reasons I am quite a lot wealthier than my in laws. If they had any idea what's going on they would be all over it so DH and I have kept it all very quiet. But whether we had what we had or nothing the answer would be the same. Get to fuck you cheeky fucker...

Did you tell her that you didn’t have any money?

Ask her what the point is in freezing eggs if she cannot afford IVF? Then ask her how she will afford to raise a child?