Friend asked for money for freezing eggs/IVF. I feel strange/lost.

I’d message her and say something like ‘just wanted to make it clear that although I will support you emotionally, I do not have the finances to help you with your IVF journey’

she’s abhorrent, using your grief and income to guilt you into helping her.
she can get to fuck.

I wouldn’t be friends with this person after that. It’s completely bonkers to suggest someone gives you money because you don’t want to use your own savings. Even if she’d forgotten her wallet and asked you to get her a coffee the correct thing to do is offer to pay it back immediately.

I presume with your mention of extensive travel for work, that you do not have children from your marriage

Funny how no-one presumes that of men.

Anyway Op YANBU, don't give the scrounging cow a penny.

She’s no friend of yours, kick to the curb and never see her again.

AND, the fastest, most reliable way of getting rid of her and never seeing her for dust, would be to say ‘Mary, I really didn’t want to tell anyone this but I know I can confide in you. Derek didn’t leave any money, in fact he left his affairs in a highly secretive debt-laden mess, which is why I’ve been working so hard to try and get straight. But now that I know you have savings - do you think I could borrow some money from YOU?’

Tumbleweeeeeeed, the faint smell of scorched rubber tyres in the far distance.

I couldn't agree more.
She doesn't even know she can't have kids ,meanwhile i presume her savings will continue to grow !
She is very cheeky ,don't be taken in ,tell her to use her own bloody money !

Absolutely not! I think people assume that losing a partner, or parent, means you have inherited and she is equating your travel with that rather than work. Even if you have the money, it’s not for spending on someone else’s IVF.

I think I would phase her out of my life to be honest. You simply don’t need people like that in your life.

Your 'friend'???
She is rude, insensitive and no concern for you whatever, other than as a potential cash cow.
I presume with your mention of extensive travel for work, that you do not have children from your marriage - so you have lost you partner and opportunity for children with him - and presumably you are not wanting to jump into a new relationship right away - so assuming that you are a similar age to your friend, might want to freeze your own eggs.

What an insensitive thing to ask of a woman who is recently bereaved.
Let alone she had savings of her own and will considerably use those & save the IVF costs for you.

Forget the nice suggestions above about 'no, don't ask again' - 'no, you are an insensitive cow for asking and clearly no friend' - and ditch, block.
Cannot believe the entitlement of the woman.

Just tell her that you won't be able to provide her with any financial support.

That’s not a “No”.

That’s an “Are you out of your fucking mind? No”.

She isn’t a friend so block and move on.

Totally understand what you say Op, and feel for you, especially about all the admin afterwards, and this on top of everything else. (Been through the same).

I honestly feel sick at what your friend has asked of you, it’s abhorrent of her.

I wouldn't give it any consideration at all, plus find a way of permanently shutting it down (“modest funds were invested in a pension - accessible when I retire” as an example).

I had someone turn up “for coffee” with me about 3 weeks into being suddenly widowed - wanted money to start a beauty business…

Numb and shocked at the time - but now angry.

Sorry, buts it not your responsibility to fund soneone else’s fertility. Just say no, and then change the subject.

"No."
"Sorry, no."
"No, I'm working hard to put my own life back together now that I have only myself to rely on, and any money I'm managing to save is for my own future."

Oh my god that's crazy. What did you actually reply on the FaceTime call when she asked you? It sounds like she thinks it may be on the cards down the line, did you actually say no or did you say 'we'll see' ?
I'd be distancing myself from her, she sounds very self absorbed given all that you've been through.

It's a simple no from me. Is she a good friend op, sounds really odd and off to me this

And putting your response in writing is very important.

You might lose a friend but in this case it would mean she wasn’t a real one.

Massive cheeky fuckery

This woman isn't your friend, she is an opportunist who thinks your money should be hers.

“Hi friend. Thanks for letting me know, glad you have found a way forward with this. I think it’s important for me to say at the outset that I’m afraid I don’t have money to gift you for IVF. I hate to disappoint you as it’s clear from your last message that you thought that I did have the means to offer you financial support, but unfortunately this is just not the case. With love,

Absolute CF!!! And no way, that's your money. Please don't be guilted into doing this. I'd be fading away from that friendship I'm afraid. Her future wish for a family is not your responsibility, that is down to her.

She is royally taking the piss op.

I would advise you to be clear on your position from the outset. She is hinting that she feels in some way entitled to your money and that just isn't on. She isn't showing any respect for you. For me,that would ruin the friendship and make me distance myself.

Op doesn't need to apologise for having a healthy bank balance.. Her mate isn't her responsibility whatsoever.. And if she is skint how can she raise a conceived dc anyway? Because she obviously isn't skint... Leave her to it. Make no apologies..

My god, I'm speechless. Firstly I'm so sorry about your loss and two years in the grand scheme of life is very recent so you don't need to justify that. I can't believe she asked you for money. I wouldn't dream of it in general, not ever but especially after what's happened to you. I agree with others here that you need to nip it in the bud now. And as other have pointed out, don't give her details. She has no right to know any of this.

I think she was grossely insensitive .
in that I’d have interpreted the loss of your partner as also the loss of children you hoped to have with him.

(I wish you so well as you navigate the future that doesn’t look as you’d imagined, and wish you much goodness)

Be sure to answer her, even though she has said she is now using savings. You can not have her thinking one day that you will help her pay for IVF. It is quite an ordeal to freeze eggs so you don't want her going into that if she can't afford IVF.

I'm glad you found some savings. To be clear, I can't help out financially, sorry, but good luck if you go ahead.