Friend asked for money for freezing eggs/IVF. I feel strange/lost.

Please don’t do it.

That is so, so...so weird. Speaking as a person going through ivf who was in your pal's shoes about 5 years ago (although I wasn't aware of egg freezing at the time) I would never, ever have considered asking someone else to fund treatment. Let alone earmarking my bereaved friend's money for my future. It's such a strange request that makes me think she must be going through an extremely self involved part of her life. It's just so strange she thinks she has the right to your money. I mean unless you're a billionaire. Even then, I'd be so embarrassed to ask for something in case you thought I was only friends with you to use you.

The only context I can imagine someone asking is if you were both quite drunk and she blurted it out.

I've discovered through hard times that a friend I loved was actually no friend at all. It was extremely hurtful, and I'm sorry if this is to happen to you.

She’s a vulture

So why are YOU not putting boundaries in place OP? This is down to you and your lack ilof response. You need to shut this down now via text or chat and explain you can't help and didn't want to give the impression you could so she wasn't banking on you in the future.she has seen a chance and is trying to take advantage so grow some courage and be direct.

This is a complete non issue if you had just replied and still can reply that sorry no my money is tied up or I don't have any.

So sorry for you loss.

What your financial situation is, does not mean you are there to give money to other people! And you have not only lost your partner but with that all of their future earnings, pension etc. any money you have is for your future.

How rude and entitled this person is. Nobody is entitled to children either.
how old is she? Many people conceive, even if it takes some time, at age 40!
if she is that concerned she could but donor sperm and start the journey to being a solo parent!

I hope you can surround yourself supportive people.

Its not ok to ask friends to GIVE you money. Full stop. Savings or not.

Savings or not, she is very unreasonable to ask.

Let her know as soon as you can that you won’t be doing this. Never ever talk to her about your finances. Her perceived path to motherhood is her personal affair as are your assets and income.

Hi friend, I was rather shocked by your assumption that I’m in a position to fund your egg freezing and IVF when this is something I won’t ever be in a position to do. I just wanted to get that clear between us and out of the way, before we meet up again so that it doesn’t spoil our friendship. See you next week at …..

3 weeks?!

The behaviour was appalling…but trying to abuse your grief at the 3 week stage is inhuman. I’m so sorry.

I love this message.

This. She is going to be in for a shock if she actually gets pregnant or is she going to lean on all her other mates to pay for that too?

Is this person normally a bit of a CF OP?

This.

You need to make it absolutely clear to her that her recent ask is not acceptable to you.

So sorry for your loss, lose the "friend" too, they are not a friend when they see you and their perception of you as opportunity for themselves.

It was cheeky to ask but to ask when she has her own money in savings makes it an absolute joke.

Wish her luck but make it clear you will not be funding any IVF for her now or in the future.

I wouldn’t worry about losing this ‘friendship’. It should be done for you at this point anyway, she has ruined it.

Tell her no, your finances are none of her business so the assumption you can afford to give her £££ is CF territory. Very insensitive of her too.

She put you in a really uncomfortable position at a difficult time in your life. Not ok.

Yes, when you’re still raw from a major bereavement, you’re vulnerable and can make bad decisions.

OP should make it clear that she cannot fund her “friend”.

To echo what someone else said, she's not your friend. She's a user.

Oh this is brilliant!

What a brass neck she has.

If you continue with this friendship do prepare a snappy answer so you have it to hand for future requests for contributions towards IVF and surrogacy.

This

Also too add: if she freezes her eggs now & doesn't find a man who's wealthy enough or supportive enough to want to go through with it she won't need IVF

& If she chooses to go it alone then she'll have had however many years to save for it

(But I think it's quite difficult aswell to freeze eggs with no sperm as they don't last as well or as long)

Shut it down right now. Tell her you won’t be giving money for anything.

This. I don't think it would be a great loss, as she doesn't sound a great friend. You have no idea what is around the corner for you in terms of health or redundancy - or positive things like a house move or travel.

If she wants a baby, there are other ways.

What a cheek , you look after yourself.

I would tell her clearly that you don't have money for IVF and then I would back away from the friendship if there was any further attempts to discuss it with you, particularly if those attempts are about what you earn/what money you have in the bank as a result of your loss. And I am very sorry for your loss.

Absolutely don’t give her money. What a cheeky cow.