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AIBU?

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Original poster

To no longer buy cards and gifts for office colleagues birthdays and special occasions?

71 replies

ByFirmPoster · 18/01/2025 08:49

I took on the role of collecting donations and buying cards and gifts for everyone at work after the previous person left. I have enjoyed buying the gifts and giving them to colleagues at times of celebration and illness. They have always been appreciated. I would either buy them at lunchtime if it was nearby extending my lunchtime by 15 minutes or so or go in the evening occasionally to John Lewis etc.

A member of the team has been regularly coming in late and leaving early. She has missed deadlines and not done the work required. Management have now introduced timesheets for everyone to tackle this team member. Everyone else is good at timekeeping and getting the work done.

This has now left me with not enough time at lunch to go and buy the cards and gifts. I mentioned it to my manager and she suggested buying cards and gifts in my own time in the evening. I only have a short lunch time as I need to leave early for school pick up.

I no longer want to spend my own time buying gifts etc for everyone. It was a colleagues birthday and no one bought her anything, not even a card. I did mention to people that her birthday was coming up and would someone like to organise a card/gift. Nobody came forward. She was upset as she has been very generous with others special occasions often giving £20 or more. I feel bad but I can’t keep doing this for everyone in my own time now the strict timesheets have been introduced.

AIBU to stop even though no one else wants to take over?

OP posts:
Original poster
ByFirmPoster · 18/01/2025 09:20

TinyMouseTheatre · 18/01/2025 09:20

I am friends with one of the management who told me the shirking colleague is the reason

That's really unprofessional.

Probably but people do talk.

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 18/01/2025 09:20

I am friends with one of the management who told me the shirking colleague is the reason

That's really unprofessional.

Original poster
ByFirmPoster · 18/01/2025 09:19

TinyMouseTheatre · 18/01/2025 09:17

Perhaps the time sheets haven't just been introduced for your colleague but for others too who think they going shopping on works time is acceptable?

Management knew I spent company time buying cards and gifts and were happy for me to do as it made for a happy working environment.

I am friends with one of the management who told me the shirking colleague is the reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
ByFirmPoster · 18/01/2025 09:17

97ip · 18/01/2025 08:57

This isn't work or even work related. Either do it in your own time or don't. You shouldn't be being paid for time you're faffing around shopping.

Management knew I spent company time buying cards and gifts and were happy for me to do as it made for a happy working environment.

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 18/01/2025 09:17

Perhaps the time sheets haven't just been introduced for your colleague but for others too who think they going shopping on works time is acceptable?

Cynic17 · 18/01/2025 09:15

I have been working nearly 40 years - I have never had a card or gift from the office for my birthday, thank goodness! What a lot of nonsense - it's so unnecessary.
But if you do insist on doing it, you've heard of the Internet? You can order all the cards & gifts you like online, and it takes no time.

Original poster
ByFirmPoster · 18/01/2025 09:14

olympicsrock · 18/01/2025 08:55

Not surprised that the person who had been generous was upset. However it’s bonkers of you to think that company time should be used for shopping even if buying gifts for colleagues. Nice of you to do it - but not on company time .

Why don’t you buy 10 cards at a time and still send a joint birthday card but stop the gifts. I suspect most of the time the gifts are generic and not that well received.

Management knew I spent company time buying cards and gifts and were happy for me to do as it made for a happy working environment. It only changed when they introduced the timesheet system and all time has to be strictly accounted for.

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 18/01/2025 09:08

GCAcademic · 18/01/2025 08:51

This whole practice of office gifting needs to stop, imo. People should not be pressured into giving money at work.

The first reply nails it. I don’t give and I have made it clear I don’t expect to receive. Also there a total arsehole who I work with who I wouldn’t give the shirt off my back to let alone actual money, and I don’t want to be drawn into having to do so

NeedToChangeName · 18/01/2025 09:08

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/01/2025 09:04

We have an actual organised fund that costs ten quid to join. There is a list of what occasions get a gift - round birthdays, becoming a parent etc- and to what value. If you don't contribute then you shouldn't expect anything from colleagues. Treads like this make me realise how friggin wonderful it is.

That's a great scheme. I like the consistency (everyone gets the same amount) and that it's optional

Catza · 18/01/2025 09:07

We just don't do birthday gifts at work. I always found it a bit of a ridiculous merry-go-round. We only collect for leaving dos and bereavement. Either way, the collection load should be shared between colleagues or organized by management. It shouldn't fall to one person as keeping track of birthdays is a job in itself.

MidnightPatrol · 18/01/2025 09:04

97ip · 18/01/2025 08:57

This isn't work or even work related. Either do it in your own time or don't. You shouldn't be being paid for time you're faffing around shopping.

Bit of a jobsworth’s attitude this.

She’s doing for the benefit of the company’s employees, they should be pleased about it.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/01/2025 09:04

We have an actual organised fund that costs ten quid to join. There is a list of what occasions get a gift - round birthdays, becoming a parent etc- and to what value. If you don't contribute then you shouldn't expect anything from colleagues. Treads like this make me realise how friggin wonderful it is.

Heyisforhorses · 18/01/2025 09:02

I used to be the person who organised presents and cards usually ending up out of pocket. I decided to stop doing it and my manager sent an email saying I wasn't doing it and people can bring in cakes on their birthday to celebrate if they wanted to. Some do, some don't and no one gives out. For babies, engagements etc. the person's manager organises a collection and gift card.

It's a thankless job, one I didn't mind doing at the time but once you stop you realise how much of a fool you were.

JC03745 · 18/01/2025 09:01

Send an email saying you are stepping back from doing this.

Suggest an E card people can sign online in future.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/01/2025 08:57

I hate the office collections. I used to work in a massive open plan office with multiple large teams and it was ALWAYS someone's birthday, mat leave or retirement. Used to cost an absolute fortune. Luckily one of the more senior staff members on our team was quite vocal about it being scrapped. People still did but it made it easier for some of us to no longer contribute.

97ip · 18/01/2025 08:57

This isn't work or even work related. Either do it in your own time or don't. You shouldn't be being paid for time you're faffing around shopping.

olympicsrock · 18/01/2025 08:55

Not surprised that the person who had been generous was upset. However it’s bonkers of you to think that company time should be used for shopping even if buying gifts for colleagues. Nice of you to do it - but not on company time .

Why don’t you buy 10 cards at a time and still send a joint birthday card but stop the gifts. I suspect most of the time the gifts are generic and not that well received.

Left · 18/01/2025 08:55

You’re not being unreasonable. If it was me I’d drop everyone an email to let them know that I was stepping back from this, but would avoid going into the reason (manager not allowing time).

MidnightPatrol · 18/01/2025 08:54

Absolute crap attitude from management re: a little extra time at lunch to do this, given it’s work related.

IMO people having to spend their own money on gifts for colleagues isn’t really right anyway, and the company should probably pay.

DustyLee123 · 18/01/2025 08:54

We just do a card where I work, we all put in a couple of pound a year. Personally, given the choice, I wouldn’t even do that.

GCAcademic · 18/01/2025 08:51

This whole practice of office gifting needs to stop, imo. People should not be pressured into giving money at work.