Baby announcement gone wrong

I'd be cross AT mil and fil for their behaviour.

Lots of people tell no one until the end of the 1st trimester for good reason.

Telling a childminder business is a pragmatic decision, not an emotional 'sharing our great news' decision; we did something similar as spaces were otherwise impossible to get, while still not telling anyone. Sadly, the childminder did not act professionally, as asked, and blabbed inappropriately. And the cleaner wasn't told; they guessed and then also blabbed inappropriately.

That's on the two 'professionals' who behaed poorly, not OP and her husband. Who, again, had no obligations to share their happy news until they were ready.

To be treated so poorly when they finally did, by people who are supposed to love them and be excited about their news, is pretty shit.

Yes - and I think the issue was made massively worse by their son lying to them when they asked him about it. He should have come clean there and then.

you all need to get a grip , you are all over reacting and spoiling what should be a pleasant time.
you are doing this to yourselves.

Don't agree with OP but how do you know this is

"all you have to be getting worked up about"..... ???

Yes this. They feel low down in priotity. But i also would be rethinking the childminder and cleaner. They are incredibly unprofessional so what else are they both doing they shouldnt be. Sack them both.

@badwife23 The husband lied didn't he by saying it was someone else with the same name that was pregnant? That's how I read it anyway.

Your PIL are ridiculous and should be just happy for you When they've been told by OP and her partner that their importance in the family circle is considerably less than the childminder?

Congrats on your pregnancy @GAZ0188.

I guess, in a way, what were your PILs supposed to do if they already knew? What you seem to have expected is that they pretend to be surprised. Which I agree most people would have done to keep the special moment and avoid your big announcement falling flat, especially if your son was excited to tell his grandparents he’s going to have a sibling. Seems v churlish of them to react like that in front of the little lad. They should have played along.

What I’d be more appalled by is the lack of discretion and confidentiality of your cleaner. What else does she gossip to people about from seeing things in your home? I’d be looking for another cleaner. And likewise a childminder should treat in confidence women confiding they’re pregnant to ask for a place. Again, what else does she gossip about her clients and their children?

However (and this is said with kindness), I also think your response was a bit extreme, especially with your son involved. One minute he’s being encouraged to appear in a t-shirt, to break the happy news and celebrate his grandad’s birthday, the next minute he’s being whisked off for a bath and bed. He must have felt confused, awkward and a bit sad. But I expect you’re over-emotional because you’re pregnant. And it must have been a shock to know everyone’s been gossiping about your intimate news.

I wouldn’t let this hiccup affect your relationship with your PILs. If relatives get arsey or behave badly, it’s best to rise above it. It’s their problem to fix. They had no right to be told at any point. It’s your body it’s happening to. But I expect they were a little hurt to find out from a gossip and then have their DC lie to them when they asked if it was true.

But I’d be very careful what I say to the local gossips. And whether I want to pay them to be so intimately involved in my life.

This. You are too self absorbed.
You need to seek some counselling to put your childhood behind you. Your PIL have upset you but haven't really done much wrong at all.
Get over yourself. Your cleaner and child careworker were the unprofessional ones. You are far too sensitive.
Take note - never tell a soul about a pregnancy until you want the World to know.

“said it was someone else in town with the same name.”

Thats how they lied.

I don’t mean this unkindly at all, but please count yourself lucky that this is all you have to be getting worked up about.

How did they lie See the second paragraph of the OP. MIL bumped into childminder and was told, partner then lied to MIL that it was someone else with the same name who was having a baby.

I think OP and her partner have treated MIL atrociously. Firstly in putting the baby's grandparents well down the list of those to be told (we're not talking a few days, we're talking weeks), secondly when they did find out accidentally, OP's partner lied to MIL and said it wasn't them who was having a baby.

OP has turned what should be a happy occasion for MIL,FIL the announcement of new grandchild, into a miserable occasion for involved.

OP knew that MIL had been told by CM, I presume. So why didn't they at that point go and make the the announcement and apologise for the lie? Why did OP stage this "perfect announcement" when she already knew that the likelihood was that they already knew? Asking them to act suprised to fulfil her own ideas of what a wedding announcement should be.

Yep!

Goodness me, where to start with a mature view and advice around good communication and relationship building. 🤯

Of course a family member is going to be upset that a prospective childminder and the cleaner knew the news before them ( in this case about their new grandchild).
When did your parents find out?

Your cleaner and the childminder should be respecting confidentiality as part of their role.
No need to talk to a chilminder at FIVE weeks…no matter how rare the places are.

You completkey overreacted too OP.

Not sure if you told the childminder to keep quiet but your cleaner is incredibly unprofessional and I’d be getting a new one.

Your PIL are ridiculous and should be just happy for you but they sound like drama lamas. Unless there’s more backstory I’d keep away for a bit but cutting them out seems a bit much.

People are weird about their rights to baby’s/knowledge about incoming babies though especially family children.

Then give both in-laws a wide berth and get on with your own life!

At the point where they found out from the childminder why did you then try to manipulate the situation by telling them it wasn't true?

At that point I would have said "Oh god, I cannot believe she broke the news, I specificity asked her not to tell anyone. We wanted to tell you both face to face"

You all sound as mad as each other. This isn't even your first baby which makes it even more bonkers. No one gives a shit about your second pregnancy you just get one with it.

This is like one of those sitcoms where a misunderstanding gets blown out of proportion because no one can discuss things normally (because otherwise there would be no drama)

They lied when asked about what the childminder said” must have been someone else with same name”.

What?????? You’re going NC ‘for a long time’ because your PIL were hurt they were the 3rd to know about DC2.

You seriously tried to book a childminder when you were 5 weeks pregnant? Total insanity! Have you also booked one of each colour balloon arches for the 18th birthday and looked around unis?

To jump to your above conclusion, it sounds like you didn’t like them to begin with. On that basis, did you purposely leak this news, knowing it would grt back to them. The childminder, the strategically placed pregnancy notes for the cleaner to see.

”Spewing your load” urgh disgusting phrase 🤮 Whole post is awful

Yes. The whole thing is rather humiliating for the in-laws. They would either have had to reveal to the childminder, and then the cleaner, that they didn't know or they had to pretend that they did know just to save face. They probably felt stupid.

Which is where OP's annoyance should be directed.

A normal reaction to being congratulated about being a grandma isn't shutting it down. Someone is offering their congratulations not whispering about a miscarriage or other bad news, which would be different.

We also don't know if CM said it in passing and grandma said thanks, and that was that.

And when you meet them for that coffee say sorry

How did they lie 😂😂
They just told them in the appropriate way and the appropriate time. It's not their fault the cleaner and childminder can't keep their traps shut.
Their reaction would have pissed me off too op. They made it about them and their feelings. I wouldn't bother getting back in touch, they will need you before you need them.

I’d be having a word with the childminder and cleaner.

it sounds like something in PILs reaction has triggered off something to do with your mum. I would spend some time thinking about that.

I would let the dust settle then see ILs for a coffee.They will get over it. It’s not worth falling out over, honestly.

But you said your MIL asked you a few times if you would be trying for a baby. Is that not still a bit insensitive knowing your history? If you'd said yes she would have been watching and waiting. I didn't tell anyone either, but if my MIL had found out from some other person, I can't imagine lying to her face and then expecting her to pretend my "reveal" is a surprise. I think that the latter part is what wound them up.