Baby announcement gone wrong

So much drama

If it was me I'd apologise for them hearing it from others

Find another childminder

Sack the cleaner

A normal person hasn't been told by two separate people outside the family weeks before the parents tell them. (If two people have told them, how many other people would they expect to know about it?)

A normal person isn't lied to by their son because he and OP want to save up the "announcement" to eclipse the grandfather's birthday some weeks in the future.

It sounds like you’ve had a hard time with your mum, and I’m sorry about that. You can’t control your in laws. All you can control is how you parent your children. It sounds like you won’t be doing what your mum did. I just think that if you cut them off for this, it could turn into a thing where you can’t even remember how it started.

It sounds as if with a bit of communication this could have been resolved. It’s normal to wait till the first scan to tell people and I can see why your in-laws were hurt that 2 people seemed to have been told before them. Your DH should have just said at the time when the childminder mentioned it that it was you but that it was very early days and that you’d only spoken to the childminder on the quiet to ask about a place, and that you hadn’t intended to announce it until the scan. Now his parents will be hurt that he felt the need to lie to them, and added to that they think that you told the cleaner as well but couldn’t trust his parents enough to tell them.

I can understand that their lack of reaction was disappointing but at that point I’d have explained to them why the other two people know and would have tried to have an adult conversation to put things right. Life is so short and grandparents are important in a child’s life. This doesn’t feel worth falling out over to the extent of not wanting to see them for a very long time.

Love this typo, picturing them all in Batman costumes 😂😂

This

Your DH bare faced lying to his parents was definitely BU, that's what would really hurt me as paternal granny.

You didn't get to make your big announcement, you'll get over it, being pregnant isn't that rare a thing!

Leave MIL to DH to sort, not your fault childminder breached your confidentiality.

I think any parent would be totally gutted that a childminder and cleaner knew first.

I think you made a massive miss step. If you were telling CM then I would have told both parents first.

Sack the cleaner and the childminder, neither should have passed on that information!

You are all being dramatic. Your MIL was hurt, how long has she known unofficially?

You made it 100x worse and no wonder they didn't reply. You took your child (possession by the sound of it) and hid till they left.

You probably just confirmed their worst fears after finding out from multiple other sources first, you can and are withholding their grandchildren according to your whims.

One side sounds narcissistic, and I don't think it's your MIL.

I live in a village and think the opposite. If word got out that the cleaner and childminder were gosspining over private things they found out in their jobs, that‘s them damaged not the op.

If it's such a small town that the prospective child minder and the cleaner are on chatting terms with the MiL sacking them may not be an option and the OP and her husband will be the number 1 subject of gossip.

If the OP and her husband were so committed to not letting her PiLs know until the OP had had her "Big Announcement" then the OP should have sworn the CM to secrecy explaing that she particulalry didn't want MiL to know until she'd announced it in her own time and way, and she should have made that equally clear to the cleaner.

I think a lot of people here don't know what it's like living in a small town or village where it seems like evrybody knows everybody else and can't mind their own business. People talk...

You all sound pathetic to be honest.

What a silly drama over nothing.

@GAZ0188 - "... 2 days later she seen MIL at another group and said how nice it was she was going to be a granny again (fuming was an understatement) anyway, partner shrugged it off, said it was someone else in town with the same name..."

Why on earth did your husband tell such a stupid lie - particularly to his mother!?

Why did he feel it necessary to go to such extreme lengths not to confirm the truth that they had already been told?

It was obvious this would come out and reflect on both of you badly.

Of course it doesn't reflect well on your PiLs that theyve taken it so badly either.

Sounds like both parties are at fault, but your DH could have headed this off at the pass with something like "Yes! It's great news isn't it!" rather than by denying it. where was that going to get you?

I’d be furious with your childminder and your cleaner. I didn’t tell anyone for 12 weeks, except for people who needed to know. Them people should NOT be talking family.

Yeh, if my daughter was pregnant and I heard it from a random childminder and a cleaner before her, I wouldn't be dancing with joy either. Did you want them to pretend to be surprised?

Too bad it's such a small town you live in, I'd sack them both for their indiscretion and gossiping ways.

This !
Many people wait until 12 weeks to tell people, and it’s really bad form to gossip about a pregnancy when family may not know yet.

Fair enough they are pissed off the cm and cleaner knew before them.

Really? I followed her logic with no problem at all!! Her PIL were appalling - made the whole thing about them and basically ruined what should have been a happy moment. If mine had done this you bet they wouldn’t be seeing me or DC for a long time.

Bloody hell there's another drama Queen. Ffs. How about spoiling the poor father in laws birthday with the OP's little strop.

Thank you.
<blushes modestly>
I wouldn't even say it's one of my best.

My compliments on your response too

Very small town mentality.
Cleaner and child minder should have kept their traps firmly shut.
As someone said, not professional at all, but that's too often the way it is in a small community, everyone wants to be first with any news.

A shame PILs knew first but you are over-reacting, even though you have your own deep-seated insecurities from childhood.
You're now responsible for how your DCs grow up, you don't want to unnecessarily disrupt your family life.
PILs likely know how it is in the small town, apologize to them, with explanation re: cleaner and minder's inability to keep your news to themselves, and please move on for the sake of harmony in your family.

This thread is hilarious, it’s not often I agree with the mother in law but honestly when it comes to making a big announcement like this you either keep it fully a secret and literally no one knows (whether it’s your fault or not) or you just go ahead and tell people. You don’t fart around with people whispering and muttering about it quietly then get annoyed when your ‘big announcement’ falls flat. I think I’d be a bit put out too if I were your family.

fwiw I got HG with both my pregnancies and because I couldn’t really hide how unwell I was everyone had to know from me being around 5/6 weeks which is absolutely not what I wanted but hey ho. I’d have been really embarrassed to make a ‘big announcement’ at 12 weeks after people had spent ages seeing me sick and knowing…. What’s the point?

How lucky you all are to get to share in the joy of a new pregnancy.

And how depressing to make it about this. You all need to get some perspective.

No. A normal person congratulates a pregnant lady and doesn’t expect it to be about themselves.