Baby announcement gone wrong

I can understand why they were disappointed hearing it from other people but good grief your reaction is completely ott.

Threatening to go nc because they didn't react the way you expected? Get a grip

As soon as the childminder put her foot in it you should have told them not lied about it

You've handled it far worse than they have

But can’t you see why they’d be upset without an explanation as to why the cleaner and childminder knew first. It’s pretty harsh. Sounds like you don’t really like her. I’d try to harness some empathy. Congratulations btw.

If you didn’t want anyone to know you shouldn’t have told the childminder, and you should have hid all evidence from the cleaner. You are the one that let the cat out of the bag, others aren’t to be trusted, as you’ve learned.

Everyone involved sounds over dramatic and highly strung. Exhausting!

Regardless of the backstory I can see how they would have been hurt finding out as they did.

You should have told them before the cleaner/ childminder, why the need to wait?

If you hate them this much then keep away from them instead of creating performative announcements. Just get DH to drop them a line “just to let you know X is pregnant, we’re pleased but very early days.” You can’t have it both ways.

Oh and IMO no one is really that interested in a pregnancy until the baby is here, it’s got you and your partner to be excited, no one else will get it. Focus on your baby and son, not them.

What a bunch of drama llamas!

How claustrophobic:I don't think I could bear to live in a place where everybody gossips about other people's business. Where you can't even vomit in your own house without it being discussed by other people.
If that's the type of place you live in then this whole thing seems totally blown up out of all proportion. You should be able to shrug it off because it's just a natural consequence of living your lives in glass houses.

Would therapy help, to recover from some of the hurt from your childhood? DBT is amazing for helping learn how to cope with interpersonal relationships.

I think you're directing your anger at entirely the wrong people.

Your in laws were hurt and overreacted, humans do that sometimes. You've done exactly the same thing yourself, wanting to cut them off over something so silly? Massive overreaction.

You should be furious with the childminder and cleaner for gossiping about your private medical information without your consent.

That’s your reply to all the comments so far 😂

This.I’m not sure why you lied and said it was someone else. You should have just been honest then and been rightly annoyed at the childminder.

I can’t actually see why anyone would be cross.

Why are you not angry with the childminder and the cleaner? I'd be furious with them! Presumably their indiscretion means LOADS of people, including possibly your employers? Your first child? could now find out?

What has you being rejected as a child got to do with their reaction? They sound a bit much, and their reaction was OTT, but the whole child walking in with a t-shirt is a massive fuss to make on someone else’s birthday, you had a massive reaction to this not going as planned either.

All of you sound the same, tbh,

I would be reminding your cleaner that anything she sees in your house is not to be shared. It’s perfectly normal to not want to tell anyone until you are 12 weeks she over stepped by gossiping about it.

I get your in laws would have preferred to find out first but FFS they could have put a face on it, it’s still lovely news!

This is quite hard to argue with really.

The ones you should really ne annoyed wjth are your cleaner and childminder!!

Your PIL are rude. They should not have behaved like that.
But you also sound like you're really not coping with some of the past issues that parenting has brought up for you. Perhaps time to seek therapy before baby 2 is here?

I don't think they are the manipulative ones to be honest. You've basically said they didn't respond in the way you wanted them to so now they won't be able to see their grandchildren, that's the very definition of manipulative...

You all need to calm down. It’s a miscommunication, these things happen. This is a happy time, just talk it over and move on without the drama.

I agree with what has been said. So if they don't dance to your tune, they get your child withdrawn? Lovely behaviour on your FILs birthday. Them being the third to know, isn't a birthday present. When the childminder slipped up, their son should have been honest. You have a lot of stuff left over from your childhood, that isn't their fault.

Who cares. Be grateful for the important things - baby’s and your health. They’re not a given. Your growing family unit.

How to navigate them? You rise above and realise it’s their choice to be arsey if they want to. They won’t ruin your happinness any longer. You’re an adult and if they want to act like hurt babies that’s their choice. You’re better than that and can show your kids that. Trust me, if you can do this, your MIL will see it.

They were hurt which fuelled their reaction.

I would probably be hurt if 2 separate people told me about my DIL being pregnant too tbh.

Your reaction is also being fuelled by hurt that they didn't react perfectly in the moment too.

The people actually at fault were the childminder (it was stupid to try book a childminder at 5 weeks pregnant imo, nothing is binding and she will do what is best for her business until money comes into play) and the cleaner, who should have more professional discretion.

Calm down, the fall out isn't worth it. You never got your perfect announcement, but neither did they.