Baby announcement gone wrong

Did u not specifically TELL the child minder and the cleaner not to tell anybody? That's the main issue here. If you've expressly said not to tell anyone and they did anyway then that's extremely unprofessional.

The only bizarre thing is lying when the childminder mentioned it you them. Which was then confirmed by the cleaner.

you told them it was someone with the same name but you live in such a small
town that the child minder and cleaner know your PIL that is bonkers and would’ve just looked as if you were cutting them out.

stop projecting your childhood traumas onto baby they’re not being cut out by you or their grandparents. It will all
blow over. Give it a couple of days and get your Dh to have a chat. It’s of no benefit to anyone to make a mountain out of this molehill.

This.

Me, me, me and me again.

Jeez chill out. The childminder is at fault (and you're mad to try and book a child minder so early!) and the cleaner. I think I'd be hurt if I was your in laws too, finding out like then being lied too. Going off in a strop to bath your dc was a childish move.

They already knew though. You knew they already knew. How was your partner lying to them supposed to help? I don't think your in-laws were wrong not to pretend this was unexpected news. MIL shouldn't have grilled you there and then about why the childminder and cleaner were told first, but I think it is understandable to be upset that these people were the ones to tell them, and that their son tried to gaslight and bold-face lie to them.

Your plan for a big announcement was ruined the moment the childminder blabbed. You trying to direct that disappointment onto your MIL in particular just shows that you don't like her.

You all sound like you absolutely love a bit of drama and I have no doubt that this bad feeling will continue for years to come and completely overshadow your new baby and other young child’s early years. The best thing to do is grey rock the entire situation till everyone calms down but you won’t because you kind of enjoy feeling hard done to and moaning about your in laws.

There's a lot of fuming going on here!! I think their reaction wasn't very nice but your anger is completely over the top.
When they asked how the child minder and cleaner knew first, I'd have laughed and said "Well, we needed to secure a childcare place early and the cleaner caught me puking. We didn't want to tell you until we had the 12 week scan and knew everything was OK. That's pretty normal, isn't it? Can't believe the cleaner is such a gossip!".
This would have diffused the situation and provided an explanation. If they were still annoyed after that then quite frankly it's their problem, and they're unreasonable.
Instead, you stormed off and hid away until they left. I don't understand why.

I'd probably be very upset if the childminder and cleaner knew weeks before my offspring told me the news, just because they wanted some 'official announcement'. Your anger is misplaced and should be directed at the people who couldn't keep their gobs shut.

It's also crazy that you label MIL as a manipulator and then display that behaviour yourself by withholding your other child from the PIL. Get some help to deal with your childhood problems and your anger issues. You have the makings of becoming a future MIL-from-hell.

Your PIL are rude, your cleaner is rude and so is your childminder.

Your DH needs to send a follow on message saying that they need to accept that they found out via people who had no right to share the information and who found out either accidentally by being in your own home or because you needed to get ducks in a row early for childcare, and move on or it could cause long term bad feelings which isn't good in a family.

They didnt find out at a childcare arrangement chat or accidentally.
You'd ordered a special t shirt to surprise them with to include your eldest and begin his experience as a big brother which included them too, and they opted out of what could have been a lovely memory by putting their own feelings first, feelings which were coming from a silly place in the first place of who lnows first etc.

I’d start by sacking the cleaner and finding a new childminder. Make sure they know why.
Then keep MIL at arm’s length- let your DH sort this one and wait for a sincere apology from her.
It’s very short sighted of her to not see why you’d wait until the scan to tell family, but not for people you aren’t close to.

This sounds something like a 17 year old would write. Understandable to feel a bit sad the announcement didn't go as planned.... but so what. The childminder could have waited no matter how long the wait is if you didn't want to risk anyone knowing before them. Storming out the room With your son is pathetic. Your poor dh stuck in the middle of this dramatic mess.

Good God, I called my parents and my husband called his parents each time we were expecting. The drama of this situation is ridiculous, from all sides. It was a bit shit of the childminder, but the throwing up as cleaner arrives and ginger biscuits everywhere seems very dramatic 🙄 I wouldn't have someone in the house if I was unwell.

This is exactly what I was going to write 😁have you all lost the plot ? You have exciting news of a new baby arriving.. what is all this carryon.

So they found out from the child minder.

Then you lied to them about that, and said it wasn't you.

Then you did this whole song and dance announcement, and expected what, exactly? For them to pretend to be surprised? And not be upset that you lied to them?

To quote a MN classic... Are you on glue?

Personally I would be looking for a new childminder if she was quick to gossip about you when you stated noone knew yet. She ain't going to be the kind to hold open a place if she can get money quicker for giving that place to someone else.

So much drama. Why didn't you just tell them the truth when they heard from thw child minder (explaining it was early days so you hadn't planned on saying anything yet). What did you expect waltzing in with the t-shirt after lying? So weird and immature.

What a horrible situation. The child minder and cleaner have been very indiscrete. If your cleaner is telling people your most important news, what else are they saying? I would get rid of them immediately. I'd also have a word with the child minder and tell them you would appreciate them respecting your privacy. Bloody hell, I've no advice about the in laws, they sound like a nightmare. Poor DS.

You just need to let it go and not let it fester tbh. No one acted brilliantly did in this situation.

I totally understand, my MIL put on a big show acting like a child because we didn’t tell her about our first until 12 weeks (totally normal?) and she still goes on about it - he is now 11 - but she is DH’s Mum and my kids Gran, she helps with them and babysits so not worth me taking drastic measures over, think long term here.

You’re being a narcissistic manipulator here though.
When your MIL first found out from someone else, why did you deny it? Then deny it again when your cleaner told them? That’s just very weird tbh. Have you sacked your cleaner and told the childminder you wont be needing her anymore seeing as both of them cannot be trusted with maintaining confidentiality?
At what point did you tell your own mum?
Sending in your DS with a t shirt to announce something that was already common knowledge has just made you look stupid.

I can’t believe you’d deprive your kids of a relationship with their grandparents as punishment for not reacting how you want them to. Really controlling on your behalf. A load of drama over nothing. And sulking in the bathroom, again keeping your child away from them on FIL birthday. All really pathetic. I wonder if you’re the sort to weaponise your children.

Tbh I'd be more cross with the cleaner and the child minder. Totally unprofessional of them .

It's true that the childminder was at fault but it's crazy to tell a chuldminder when you are only 5 weeks pg and before you've told family. Then your partner lied to his mum rather than admit the faux pas, because of wabted to stage-mamage an "official announcement" despite the information already being public knowledge. It sounds like every single one of you has too much main characters energy to be able to coexist as a family.

I live in a small town.

Everyone tells
Everyone everything.

I would not have tried to do a birth announcement after even one person knew because I would be sure it had got around the town already.

You get privacy in cities. It was a hell of a shock when I first moved somewhere small.

You all sound totally addicted to drama. You didn't intentionally announce your pregnancy but I can see why your inlaws are miffed because other folk knew first. It's the reactions that are totally batshit not the situation.