Baby announcement gone wrong

That is some twisting and turning to make this the mother in laws fault!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

Total overreaction (on both parts)
Your anger is misplaced.
You should have told your cleaner and childminder off for being so unprofessional.

How you all reacted doesn't sound great TBH.

You asked the childminder and cleaner not to say anything. They did. You had no control over that, however, they shouldn't have done it. You need to say something to them about discussing personal details with other people.

Your ILs sound OTT. How you have chosen to respond to them, including what your DH said also sounds a bit weird.

Oh that's horrible. I can totally relate. Especially as similar happened to me.

I'd be furious with the CM and cleaner tbh. And definitely rethink your childminder - re confidentiality. Yes you'd not formally got to the point where you'd signed up but she should have enough sense to keep her mouth shut. The cleaner works for you already so absolutely not on!

When I discovered I was pregnant and working as a teacher, just before my wedding, I made the mistake of telling my TA. She told people, the class teacher in the next class gossiped about it to other teachers. And because I had words with the other teacher about it she decided to make catty comments about me 'not drinking' at my wedding. I was upset too. I'd only told my Mum and the TA (to explain why I wouldn't be climbing on chairs etc).

It's not just that it's stolen your thunder for nice birth announcements, it's personal and you want to keep it for yourself for a little bit.

In my situation I was also worried re - pre-eclampsia as I had a history of. I ended up having a very prem baby.

It's not nice to gossip, even though it's nice news. I can see the PIL side of things to some extent but their reaction wasn't kind.

Why on earth did you wait for 12 weeks to tell your family? That's for employers and people like that!
As soon as they were told by the childminder you should have fessed up. Then you would got your excited reaction!

I think their reaction is entirely understandable and yours is really weird and ott.

And ' conveyed' doesn't mean what you think it means. It's use in that sentence isn't appropriate.

Christ on a bike.
Of course the random people you told/ let know you were pregnant would assume your family know. Why would they think that you told the childminder first? Bonkers.

And then you’re angry because your staged surprise didn’t go according to plan?
Extraordinary

Is nobody picking up on MIL gossiping about her DIL with the cleaner, child minder & who knows what else!?
Whilst disappointed, I’m sure, as an ADULT woman she could’ve shut the gossip down with both of those women, and waited until the family were told. After birth, she could’ve mentioned it in passing or taken it to her grave. This woman doesn’t have your back.

Sounds like you all need to chill the fuck out to be honest

Genuinely think you’re getting a hard time here. If you had a professional conversation with the childminder then she really should not be discussing that conversation with anyone else.

If you expressively said it was a secret more so. Work in a hospital and I don’t even mention to my friends partners if I see them in work.

Same with the cleaner. Their code of conduct will be less professionally unless you have hired them through a company. I would not have her back in my home again.

Also I have experienced family continuously spoiling family events. Always making it about them always in your ML tears. I watched my friends have all these events with no drama but not us.It is exhausting I now dread any family event or news.

We are not NC because unbelievabley we operate ok on a day to day basis it’s just events that cause the issue. I have my theory why.

Going forward we leant our lessons and have become good at minimising the issue. it’s not for everyone and times on here I think we do do too much to appease but it currently works for us.

Congratulations on your news x

Ooo OP I’m sorry the announcement didn’t go as planned - early pregnancy (with a small child) can’t be easy and hormones wreak havoc.

My thoughts

• Cleaner and childminder have behaved inappropriately and I would be having words with them
• I think PIL have been v ungracious - even if they were upset which really they have no right to be as you can announce your pregnancy whenever you like to whoever you like - 12 weeks is standard after 1st scan anyway - that was a weird way to behave - they could have been happy in the moment and not made it about them
• Your reaction to your PIL also is quite extreme - what I understand you’re upset and probably hormonal - I think there is little to suggest that their behaviour means that your unborn child is going to treated differently by them than your current child and suggesting you don’t want to see them for a long time over something so trivial is also extreme however I have also experienced pregnancy rage so I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

I would suggest have some space from the situation, breathe and then get your partner to explain that you’re upset with how they reacted but would like to draw a line underneath it and move on. As a PP has stated being healthy with a healthy pregnancy is not a guarantee so that should be celebrated above all else and I would be keeping stress levels low now as much as possible

What a bunch of drama llamas…if any of it is true? 🙄

The only people you should be annoyed with are your childminder and cleaner. I would make a point of saying to both of them you don't expect professionals to gossip about you to family.
Doing the reveal when you know they knew wasn't sensible. Their reaction was over the top and so was your response of hiding and threatening to cut them off. You all need to calm down and behave like adults.

You decided to tell others first.

You knew that had got back to in laws.

You then decided to try and lie to them about it.

You then thought it was a good idea to try and do an exciting ‘announcement’ on something that they knew and knew you’d tried to lie about.

It’s not a massive surprise it fell flat. It’s a tangle that wasn’t going to go well when people started blabbing confidences and lying.

I hope you can regain trust with the childminder or find a suitable replacement.

You are all batshit crazy

i I feel sorry for this woman in your very small town with the same name as you

Wouldn't it have been easier to just come clean and tell her when she first found out? Why did you feel the need to cover it up?

I'd have sacked my cleaner and I'd be pissed off with the childminder. I can't believe the way you're all behaving.

So much drama.

Fully understand why your PIL are upset about not being told before the cleaner and a potential childminder (although I understand how it happened), it must have been quite embarrassing for them as well as upsetting. Lying to PIL after they asked you was ridiculous and will only have made them feel worse.

You've hugely overreacted to their feelings (which yes, they probably should've covered up a bit for the sake of family harmony), and used your son as a tool of manipulation. Be careful you don't do that again.

Wow YABVU, you want to cut off your kids’ grandparents because through no fault of their own they already knew you were pregnant and then were honest about it when you told them?!

I think your childhood has likely significantly impacted your emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. Agree with PP about looking into DBT therapy. Congratulations on your baby!

I’m surprised you’re old enough to be having your second child. You’re behaving like a twelve year old.

And you are very similar!

Has your DH agreed that they won’t see the children?

it all sounds very drama!

Says the one who sulked in the bathroom because she didn’t get to surprise people with her pregnancy..?

Such fuss about nothing, you had me rolling my eyes at 'announcement'. You have a child, you're about to have another one. Just like billions of women before you, just like billions of women after you. It's not that deep, as my teenager says. It's not the second coming, as I say. You ALL sound unreasonable and overdramatic but sad to say, you most of all OP.

This is bonkers. Want ‘maternity documents’ do you have at 5wks?! Why are the ginger biscuits everywhere? Who asks a childminder at 5wks when you barely know you’re pregnant?

Then you make a big deal about you on someone else’s birthday? I don’t think the MIL is the narcissist here.

Doing a big announcement with props was silly when you knew that they had already been told by the childminder.

And to be 'fuming' when you knew they knew is madness. They didn't believe your husband's highly sophisticated 'it's the other Susan that's pregnant' line.