Baby announcement gone wrong

Brat

This, who on earth tells a childminder before family. It’s all utterly mad. The childminder probably assumed that granny already knew, because it’s mad that she would know before granny!!

It's a small town - I bet everyone knows everyone and is friendly with one another.

Well, you told the childminder and the cleaner before them and then lied when they directly asked, then tried to make FILs birthday all about you and your 'news' and threw a tantrum because they were hurt which included withdrawing their child from them.

Is the other way to see this.

They're not withdrawing attention from the second child at all so try to avoid bringing your. Childhood anxiety into your parenting. But they are upset with the way you and your partner have handled this. I think it's more that this has brought up feelings that you don't like being criticised and want to cut them off, nothing to do with their response to the unborn child

I think your anger is completely misplaced. Be angry at the pair of big mouths who blabbed off about it. That’s where your anger should be directed. Of course they are going to feel like they were the last to know when not just one but two random people who shouldn’t have said anything both spouted off about it,

Did the cleaner know it was a secret?

The OP has said there isn't much choice for childcare. Would losing her place with one of the very few available be wise?

Whilst the parents could have kept their disappointment at being lied to previously quiet, I think the OP is over reacting to them not acting surprised.

If I had been told by those other than my son and his wife or my daughters and their husbands that my husband and I were to become grandparents, I have to admit I’d have been hurt.

Your choice of course to tell a prospective child minder, or whoever you chose, but you now have to accept the consequences, most especially of this woman gossiping. The cleaner was unpardonably indiscreet. Whether you continue to employ her and feel comfortable having her in your home is obviously something to think about.

Left to me, I’d be wanting to reach out to my in-laws to explain and smooth the way going forward.

This is all bonkers! Are baby announcements really a thing now?!

This current pregnancy I just rang my mum (wanted to tell her in person but I wasn't going to see her for a few weeks) and said "I'm pregnant, obviously early days". DH rang his parents. Some friends already knew as I was on holiday with them. I kind of assumed once a few people knew it wasn't going to be a huge secret. Didn't tell people generally until 13 weeks and didn't start mentioning regularly to DS until about 20. I think anyone whose had loss or infertility is much less concerned about photogenic "birth announcements" and is more thinking about what emotional support they might need in their pregnancy.

You and your parents in law all sound very immature and ott over basically a non issue..

The only person I'd be annoyed with is your cleaner as that is pretty unprofessional. If she gossips about that who else is she telling what to?

Off at a tangent but why couldn't you climb on a chair when you were pregnant?

I don't understand why the op had to speak to the childminder, or anyone else at 5 weeks or why her mat stuff was on the table.

Lessons to be learnt all round here. The best was for a secret to circulate is to tell people the secret.

This thread isn’t going the way you expected.

is it any wonder they’re hurt - and when they asked you lied between you.

I don't get it. You already knew they had been told by the childminder so why did you go to the extreme of dressing up your child for a "big reveal"? That's the start of the crazy. Then you compounded it by flouncing off and hiding 😮

I think you are projecting your childhood too much, get counselling for that before you ruin your own children's childhoods. ASAP.

I’m on your side (I’m well used to people who make it all about them) but I do think it foolish to tell a childminder that early (i have learned about gossiping the hard way too)

the cleaner - I wouldn’t give her a reason but I would let her go

the in laws - have a break from them and let dh carefully explain the cleaner was snooping and how unfair that is on you

Op I'm in your side. How did the cleaner end up speaking to mil? Why would they even speak? It is out of order of the cleaner and childminder, I would get rid of both. I'd speak to the inlaws and discuss what happened, that you didn't tell the others first and thats why you were upset that they didn't react which they could have just put on act but then I get if they feel they found out after other people, still they could have put on a front. Think it all needs to be out in the open.

I can’t imagine taking someone else’s birthday and then making it about you, while simultaneously being annoyed that the other person always makes it about them.

You're being ridiculous. Why didn't you just tell them when you told the childminder. If you were going for all this naff business with a special tshirt and stuff it would have been fine.

Why did you thank they'd be surprised.
You already knew that they knew anyway.
They told you before that they knew.

I can see why PiL are upset. That's really upsetting how the found out, can't you see that?
Also, that's nasty and controlling of you to take your son away from them when you were annoyed. You could have taken yourself into another room, no need to drag him away from grandparents.
From what you've wrote, they've done both wrong . But you have.

What else is your cleaner telling them? I wouldn’t have them back.
as for the child minder, I would question why they told them when you specifically asked them not to mention it.

It's only twice I've seen someone this upset at people 'ruining' their announcement.

One woman was angry that she didnt get the exact reaction needed for the video for social media that she wanted. And the other was just a narcissist that always seemed indignant that other humans actually had emotions too.

Dragging your child away from time with their grandparents, for an unnecessary long bath, is not only batshit but was quite possibly upsetting and confusing for your child too. I feel quite sorry for them if you often use them like this, as pawns in your little one star drama.

That's a bit of a stretch. There's no evidence that MIL was gossiping. The childminder and cleaner volunteered this information.

I think the real issue is you wanted to control the announcement by your son coming into the room with his soon to be a big brother t-shirt, and have an excited reaction from your in-laws. You have put much emphasis on having this experience, and feel hurt your in-laws didn't react the way you wished.
Ultimately it's no big deal they already found out, and once the news was out your dh should have been honest with his parents. I would feel hurt if I was them. The best thing would be to explain to them how both the cleaner and child minder knew, and he is sorry for the deception as you both felt it was important to wait until 12 weeks before letting people know.
This situation is entirely caused by you telling the childminder and cleaner who both didn't respect your wishes, and not confirming it with the in-laws at a point when the information was already out there

This all sounds over the top.
Did you make sure you said to the childminder not to say anything? I imagine they would have assumed that as you were telling non family members so early, that they would have already known.

The cleaner should be more discrete. I would be concerned about them spotting any confidential items and blabbing, I would have words with them as they are a paid employee of yours.

Your reaction is worse than the in laws. To end the celebrations because you didn't get your own way! You could have easily laughed it off and said childcare is in short supply you wanted to get in early. They probably feel disappointed that other people knew before them that aren't family.
You need to grow up if you are saying they won't see your child because of this.

They didn't react the way you wanted? Other people are not puppets in some show you are putting on.

Before you destroy your relationship forever please at least consider the possibility that pregnancy hormones are making you overreact.

No need to add to the drama and fall out OP. By all means vent online, but I’d be annoyed too if I were them. Also I think it’s weird that you want to manage their reaction to your (old) news. Please don’t shit stir between your partner and his family. Congratulations btw

How come your MIL knows your cleaner well enough for them to have had this conversation?

Sounds like you all live in a claustrophobically small community full of gossips and drama lovers.