Baby announcement gone wrong

This.

Sorry you're upset op but once you tell some people you really should have told the grandparents. That said they should've just shrugged it off. You all need to learn how to deal with things more effectively.

I think you are getting a really hard time on here. I don't think this is about a spoiled announcement. The cleaner and childminder are in the wrong here. And instead of realising that your in laws are taking it out on you, which is actually really unfair, self-indulgent and childish.

I do think that this is all a symptom of not having a good relationship on both sides, though. Because neither of you have put yourselves in the shoes of the other and how each other might be hurt in this scenario...you've both just thought the worst of each other.

I also think the normal reaction when they questioned it early on would have been to just tell them once the cat's out of the bag...that was really odd of your DH.

I think I would just message saying what you've said here re childminder and cleaner and that you'd really wanted it to be a nice surprise and you were caught off guard by their reaction. Not sure how much further to go than that.

I mean this kindly but whatever has gone on in your family is not the fault of your in laws. If at all possible maybe you need to speak to a professional re the issues from your childhood.

With one of my friends her ex found out before anyone else due to the midwife ringing her old house phone to make her booking in appointment. That was very awkward.

With respect, OP, it sounds very much like your pregnancy hormones are causing this overreaction. I wouldn’t be happy the two others had shared my news but I really don’t think you guys did the right thing by lying about it either once asked. I can understand a bit of hurt and disappointment on both sides but for the sake of both your children - let it go, wipe the slate clean. This pregnancy hasn’t been ruined- there’s loads of time remaining to allow everyone to share in the joy. When the baby is born everyone will be excited, no one in their sane mind will STILL be going on about this. Just learn your lesson in terms of neighbourhood gossip and that’s that. Do NOT allow this to ruin your in-laws relationships with their grandchildren - you’d be incredibly in the wrong and who would do that to their kids??

Give it a bit of time, let those hormones calm down and then never bring this up again.

If your in-laws didn’t feign the right level of surprise at your pregnancy announcement, even though they knew already and you knew that they knew, on your FIL’s birthday, they would be making it all about them and in some form of emotional retaliation you would weaponise the grandchildren and prevent the grandparents from seeing them?

Fucking hell.

Yes, I agree with this.

Your first scan is at 12 weeks. First appointment is ideally before 10 weeks for appropriate bloods. Just had mine at 8 weeks. 5 weeks is very very early though for NHS, can't see anyone getting an appointment that quick.

Telling family should be a nice thing not a hierarchical system.

Their reaction was appalling but equally your expectation seemed high..

The childminder and the cleaner are both gossips and not professional.

Putting a foetus down for childcare at five weeks is mental.

It's amazing how people who clearly have zero qualifications can diagnose narcissistic personality disorders.

I think you are not being unreasonable but I think you should be more furious at your cleaner and childminder. In fact, FUCKING FURIOUS with them. I'd be firing the cleaner and letting her know why, and the 'child minder' would be told you are going elsewhere because of their lack of discretion and you will be reporting them to their boss/authority.

And yes, the main fault lies with the childminder and cleaner, but in this situation I would have pretended not to know and never spoiled that moment. OP didn’t tell everyone else on social media, she understandably asked about a childcare place early given childcare shortages at the moment, and the cleaner was not told at all. PIL have behaved appallingly here.

@GAZ0188 I agree with the fact that the childminder and the cleaner are in the wrong but I think folk are being mean to the OP.

It sounds like mil is not a nice person snd OP has had a difficult childhood so the response they got when telling them about the pregnancy was not a nice one. No wonder the OP was upset.

sounds like a difficult relationship anyway and this is just another part of that.

please enjoy your pregnancy and your own wee family unit!

You're nuts ! 5 weeks and you have asked a Childminder and have maternity documents!? Eh?
I think they are disappointed and hurt people of no importance knew before them . Maybe they could have dealt with it better.
You seem unable to understand this.
You sound attention seeking and my sympathy lies with them .

Haven't read the full thread so someone else may have mentioned this but I thought in the UK a first midwife appointment was at 12 weeks. Why would someone have maternity documents at 5 weeks pregnant.

Not sure I believe this.

I could not bare to look at them.. I am sure they didn't want to see you naked either.

Current numbers
YANBU - 17%
YABU - 83%

It's entirely reasonable that they were upset that your cleaner and childminder were informed of the news first. Your anger reaction is odd. I would just have explained I wanted to make the reveal into a bit of an occasion for them which was why they weren't told before but apologise for hurting their feelings. I can imagine how strange the conversation would be with the cleaner and childminder saying how excited they must be and them not even knowing. That would hurt.

Really? I followed her logic with no problem at all!! Her PIL were appalling - made the whole thing about them and basically ruined what should have been a happy moment. If mine had done this you bet they wouldn’t be seeing me or DC for a long time.

Also I hate to break it to you but a verbal agreement with a childminder at 5 weeks pregnant isn’t actually securing a place.

I don't understand how you interpret this as pushing you aside. If anything, it's the reverse - they feel pushed aside because other people knew about their grandchild before they did. Your MIL was understandably upset about that.

I call wind up but just in case you need some advice: grow up.

You’re massively overreacting. Saying it was someone else with the same name probably made things 100 times worse, anyone would be hurt it they’re son and wife lied to them.

your issue should be with the ones who shared your news knowing it was confidential

I agree with this. The biggest mistake here was lying about it as then when you've made the special announcement that's just made the hurt worse. Sorry OP I want to agree with you but I think you are in the wrong here and it's an OTT reaction. Also is the cleaner a family friend or relative? Never in a million years would mine blab something like that to anyone. How does she know MIL? My cleaner wouldn't know any of my close family well enough to chat and we all live locally. I would perhaps re-think your set up after this as sounds unprofessional. Hope you feel better once you calm down.

The time to clear up the misunderstanding was last night with them in front of you.
They were hurting already as they knew they had been lied to, so your ‘surprise’ fell flat on its face. They could have been much more gracious about it, especially after having received a decent explanation, but then so could you. Flouncing off and not staying around to talk it through respectfully for a few more minutes while they were there, was rather immature and unnecessary.

The direct lie is something that does need an apology. It was always going to come unstuck.

Im sorry you were rejected as a child OP. This may account for your intense reaction. With good will and reassurance from both sides I’m sure you can help get past this horrible feeling for the sake of your children. I hope their response demonstrates their misplaced and rather over-egged disappointment and reflects their true concern for you. And that you can accept each other’s viewpoints.

If you wanted to keep a secret so that you can make a big production number announcement, you've gone a funny way about it.
The person I feel sorry for is OP's DH, stuck in the middle of all the drama!

You should all be pissed off with the childminder and the cleaner, for being unprofessional gossips, not with each other.

Not sure I’d employ someone in my home and in my family that I couldn’t trust. They’d be getting my wrath, although the IL’s reaction is pretty twatty.