Baby announcement gone wrong

Your anger should be directed at the child minder and cleaner.

Everything after that, from both yourself and PIL’s, is equally childish and pathetic (probably more so you, actually.)

All very dramatic and silly.

Social media has really pushed this announcement culture where marriage proposals, baby announcements, gender reveals etc all have to be orchestrated and stage managed and everyone has to react in a certain way. Just have a normal conversation with them? No drama, no flouncing off, no husband texting afterwards. Just "we're having a baby" "that's great but yes we knew already" "oh yeah that was because I need to get childcare sorted asap but she shouldn't have told you". Done.

Do you usually over react to things this much? Fuming? Bathing your child till they left? How horrid is that? They are upset because you couldn't be bothered telling them and the cleaner and childminder knew. If you didn't want anyone to know you wouldn't have asked the childminder and would have put your pregnancy documents away, did you ask both parties to say nothing? If you didn't then it's completely your fault.

I'd be looking for a new childminder and cleaner to be honest. Both clearly cannot be trusted with client confidentiality.

It is the childminder and cleaner who are your issue. I don’t think I would have asked the childminder at such an early stage before you had told anyone else. Grandparents feel you told everyone but them I expect. I think you need to leave it a few days and calm down.

FGS - You all need to get over yourselves.

@Paradoes - you'd sack the cleaner with no explanation? She heard the OP be sick and saw papers that weren't hidden away!

She didn't say she had maternity documents at 5 weeks did she?

Why did you put the announcement T shirt on your boy when you knew that they'd already found out?

Behaves like what?? They didn’t actually do anything. The argument from OP is they weren’t excited enough or asking about how she was but she also says she immediately drags her child to the bathroom to hide from them for the rest of the evening until they felt so awkward they left.

Talking about someone else’s maturity while throwing a tantrum over a fake announcement is crazy.

Agreed.

It's a shame that your announcement didn't go as planned, and that must have hurt. And I can understand why they were hurt not to have been told first. I think you all over-reacted, but that happens.

But this is the fault of the childminder and cleaner - they were both unprofessional. Did they know that it was still supposed to be secret?

I hope that explaining the situation to your in-laws will calm things down. Please don't cut them off over what is in the long-run a fairly trivial thing. It would have long-term consequences and harm your children.

She made her FIL’s birthday all about her! I know people are allowed birthdays on here over 18, but some people actually enjoy them. She could have picked any other day to do this.

The cleaner wasn’t snooping apparently, as the maternity documents were spread over the table (no idea what maternity documents you can get at 5wks).

For Gods sake, they could just have said we already know - we’re so pleased for you etc Instead they kicked off. Not good - and yes, I would have taken my Dc upstairs and left DH to deal with them if mine had done this.

Oh the irony....

Why on earth did your DH lie when his mum was told you were pregnant? If you were booking a childcare space at that stage why wouldn't he just admit it. Your PIL would have gotten over the childminder knowing first as the circumstances of it make sense, but to be told its not true then have the flipping cleaner confirm their son lied and that yet another 'stranger' knows about the pregnancy before they are told would be v hurtful. I don't understand how you thought this was going to play out as a present for Fils birthday at tbh

Honestly, this take astounds me. I think OP and her partner behaved badly and OP immaturely. Some people live for drama and have exceptionally long toes! Seemingly desperate to drop family members like a hot potato the minute something doesn’t go their way.

So one person in this story is pregnant throwing up full up with mad hormones growing another human etc:
to you I say this is not the hill to die upon
there will be more comments taken out of context more hurt more disappointment to come -
welcome to pre parent 101.

two people here (in laws) have had secret time to wonder about their response when told of new baby.

Make a point ? Act bored of it all ?
or
Pretend to be surprised? ask about mum ?

to those humans I say grow up ! This was not the time to make a point . Learn to hold back on ‘you’ as there will be more situations coming down the line
welcome to pre grandparenting 101

What where you expecting them to do?Jump around for joy and say excitedly "oh i can't believe it was really true!! It's so u expected thrilling and exciting"?

Plus I think we should take your retelling of your parents in laws reactions with a pinch of salt. Your MIL's "a total narcissist and manipulator" and "had a face like a smack arse"? That from someone who has blithely relayed that she grapped her son and hide in the bathroom bathing him "fuming" until they left, as if it's normal mature behaviour, just makes me think reality is they just didn't behave like whatever you fantasied they should.

Did you really think they'd believe you weren't pregnant just because you'd denied it and your husband made up a ridiculous lie? Two different people had already told them - they knew. FIL's
"present" wasn't a surprise.

I would never subject my DC to contact with anyone who behaves like this - no matter who they are. It was an unfortunate accident on oP’s side - and the grandparents should have enough sense and maturity to go along with the announcement and just be happy. They have basically ruined the announcement.

If OP had told other family or friends first then yes, I can see why PILmight be upset. But that is not what happened here.

Put it down to hormones, dont let this sour your day, pregnancy, life.
It's already yesterday's news.
No-one really gives a hoot about a pregnancy announcement.
(I would look for another cleaner as she cant be trusted , but this is village life, you know that)

So you're also a manipulator who uses their children as pawns to punish people who don't behave the way you want them to?
Right....

Wouldn't be boasting about that tbh!

Huge overreactions on both sides. I agree that you have every right to be cross that the childminder and the cleaner have been very indiscreet. I can also see that your in-laws have a right to be upset about how they found out. Surely though you had the perfect chance to explain to them what has happened and then you both could be cross at the people who through their gossip have caused this upset. I don't agree with cutting people off. It seems unnecessarily vindictive to me. Your in-laws were upset with some justification. Honestly though, it's happened now and you should all be focusing on the happy news and not how some silly village gossips have ruined the moment for you.

I’d be absolutely devastate if two random people knew my child was having a baby before I did. I’d be furious if I’d been lied to about it as well.

This is your husband’s parents. You owe them an apology. If you weren’t too afraid to speak about it before 12 weeks to a cleaner and childminder (sorry I know childcare places are thin on the ground right now but do you really think you HAD to ask at 5 weeks pregnant?!) you should have told your ILs

This does all sound a bit implausible. Unless you live in a tiny village, it seems odd that your MIL chats to both your future childminder and your cleaner. It's even more implausible that two grown women would tell your MIL highly personal information about you after you asked them not to!
Did this really happen?