Baby announcement gone wrong

That’s another thing that can fuck right off. A family member’s DH filmed her pregnancy announcement at Christmas a few years ago when we were all in the room and I felt deeply uncomfortable. I also am very strict about my DC (who were in the room) being on social media and on other people’s phones but the filming had already started so I had to do a big awkward “Oh if this is some sort of announcement let me just make sure the kids are out the way of the camera” and lots of faffing followed while the obvious announcement was delayed. It kind of killed the buzz and excitement. Can people not just remember these non-events in their heads?

No way this is real. It can’t be

You missed that important bit where there are not many childcare options in the area???
In my hometown people actually sign up for nursery the moment they find out they are pregnant and put down depisots as otherwise they may be left out or drive 1h+ to find a place, hardly ideal. Nothing OTT about trying to secure a place in advance, you must be very priviledged and have lots of choice to not realise that.

If person A says to person B "Congratulations, I hear you’re going to be a grandma!", how is that person B's fault for "gossiping"?

You need to calm down.

And are you?

Or are you saying that OP has no right to copmplain about a manipulativer MiL because she may not be perfect herself and somehow it's OK to be manipulative?

So confusing, so you confirmed to the childminder and cleaner that you were pregnant; then gaslit your in-laws when they asked about it and said you weren't pregnant; then finally you're annoyed that they didn't act surprised for the big reveal when you announced actually you were pregnant all along.
You are being very unreasonable

Haven't RTFT...

Do you remember the days when you'd get a phonecall saying... 'guess what, I'm pregnant!' Or something like that?

Honestly all of this 'announcing' pregnancies and sex of babies and engagements and gender identities and god knows what else.

Performative nonsense.

Just tell people.

OP you went way OTT telling the childminder that early IF you didn't want anyone else to know.

Personally I'm not one for telling people while the pee is still wet on the stick.. but i think people you should tell people from whom they'd expect support if things went wrong. also just people yourself if ultimately you think the cat's out of the bag.

Why don’t people just talk. When they said they knew why didn’t you say ‘What? You knew? Oh no, I was so looking forward to telling you! That childminder Sarah is really unprofessional! And the bloody cleaner too! Christ, they all love a gossip don’t they? Ahh sorry, of course you should be the first to know. Oh dear, what a cock up! My bad, I never should have told the childminder at 5 WEEKS!

Why go off in a strop when people are sat in your house?

You’ve made a massive fuss OP, booking childminders at 5 weeks! Who does that! Giving your FIL a pregnancy announcement as a present. Stropping off to bath time.

They were entitled to be a bit fed up you and DH lied to them.

I don't think you expected these replies. Will they make you rethink your behaviour?

And he ruined a good camera moment for social media, dammit!!

👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼

Can we also collectively agree these “creative” announcements are entirely naff and OTT. I think there’s a lot to be said for a conversation and the words “I’m pregnant!”.

I’m the kind of person who struggles showing overt excitement a bit at things like presents (DH for years kept thinking I was just disappointed when he bought me stuff) even when I absolutely love a present I find it almost physically impossible to “jump for joy”. I think there’s a lot of people who are the same and these rather self-involved stunts make me feel quite awkward in that I feel I have to display much more joy than I naturally feel. Like Miranda in SATC with her fake not face when she was pregnant 🤣

She did because they then lied.

Good point

Yes, everyone expects to be told about an impending second child a couple of years after the first. It’s a bit much that you’re all making such a storm in a teacup of it.

And you are perfect?

Bravo! Absolutely. 💯

OP says their reaction was very clear. This is exactly how not to be grandparents or parents of adult DC. I know someone who hit the roof with their DS when they realised his GF’s aunt knew about their engagement before they did. The GF’s DM had let it slip. 10years on - and I can tell you that it has soured that relationship. The surprise engagement party was basically ruined as the man’s DM went out to have a little cry as she was upset and his dad had a face like thunder. They still think they were justified. They also wonder why they don’t see the son and his family very much.

The only acceptable reaction to hearing that you’re going to be a grandparent again - unless there are justified concerns about expectant parents’ ability to cope - is surely joy. A sour face because you weren’t the first to know is not on.

Can I point out the massive disconnect between

We …put a t-shirt on our little boy announcing it.

and

Growing up in my family, I was pushed aside by my own mother and got completely rejected when my sister came along and this was my biggest fear of this happening with a 2nd child

You literally relegated your son to the position of walking notice board announcing the news of his sibling-to-be. His whole existence from now on defined as brother to the new baby.

Drama llamas all round

They sound very immature but the whole “announcement” thing is very OTT - especially for a second child.

Yes. Because you were either a first born who couldn't stand no longer having all the attention anymore, or your parents neglected after your sister was born.

You need therapy to work this out, then if it's the latter get help on how to cope with that because it's affecting your relationship with your current chosen.

It really is and steeped in a bit of misogyny actually. I wish people would just say from the get go and normalise talking about miscarriages.

told them we had a present for FILs bday and put a t-shirt on our little boy announcing is

How is your new arrival a 'present' for your FIL, whether your in-laws knew about it in advance or not? I think you've made too much of the 'announcement' and it's resulted in an inevitable 'tears before bedtime' situation. Be the bigger person and apologise, say you realise you should have told them once you knew the childminder had blabbed.