Baby announcement gone wrong

There are certain things in life which are pretty universally accepted as things that people might not want to share with everyone until a certain date, if at all. A pregnancy, an IVF attempt, a driving test, a big job interview etc. If you ask someone if they're doing any of these things, and they say "no" when the truth is "yes" I don't think it's fair to be cross with them for "lying".

It's OP and her partner's news to share when they are ready. I'd understand all this a bit more if they'd kept it from the PIL until 30 odd weeks after they'd already had a gender reveal, baby shower etc. but the only person that was told was the childminder for childcare reasons.

I'm pretty gobsmacked that anyone is suggesting OP should apologise to a woman who when told of a pregnancy couldn't even crack a smile.

Imagine, in years to come, you find out from someone else your daughter or husbands wife is having a baby, from someone else . I think I would be a little but hurt .

I agree. OP should be livid with the childminder and the cleaner, and her DH should apologise to his DM for lying.

It’s amazing the mental gymnastics MN will go through to support an OP who’s clearly in the wrong when a mil is involved.

The husband lied to his mother. It was a ridiculous lie too

A village where no one has any boundaries and where you have to phone the childminder to book in the unborn baby whilst holding your positive pregnancy test is not going to suddenly have two women in with the same name that MIL doesn't know.

It was a stupid lie and insulted MIL's intelligence.

Nah I’m with you OP. They’ve made it all about them. Pathetic, and shows how much they care about you and their grandkids. I wouldn’t want to spend any time with them either. Self centred nobs.

She was put on the spot after finding out her cleaner and childminder had gone behind her back and spread her news. I wouldn’t call it lying, more like shock and needing to bide her time to decide what to say. It’s her news to share when and how she wants to, anyone sulking about that needs to get a life.

Gee whizz!!! It's the lies that we're told telling the in laws that she wasn't pregnant when they had already been told by me there people that she was pregnant!

If the childminder was asked not to tell people, and did, then don’t use her - who knows what issues your child may encounter in the future and you won’t be able to trust her to keep your confidence.

If the cleaner told anyone I would sack her on the spot.

I did not tell family I was pregnant until after the anomaly scan.

I would not make a t-shirt and all that palaver, it is not my style but I know plenty of people would (the amount of gender reveal tat for sale in Baby Bond and similar places is testament to that).

I don’t know why OP is being ‘attacked’ she’s perfectly within her rights to keep her baby quiet until she’s ready. The childminder and cleaner had no right to tell anyone so I’d be sacking both. Ignore the PIL they’ll get over it. I can understand you feeling disappointed but it will blow over, enjoy your pregnancy with your family.

Quite! Just more over the top American stuff.

25 years from now......
New thread,

OP: My mum denied me a relationship with my grandparents because my they found out from the childminder that my mum was pregnant.
They were upset to hear it from gossip and didn't react the right way when my mum did the reveal.
Should I cut her off................................. for a very long time?

You should sack the childminder and cleaner to be honest, or at least have a strong word with them that their behaviour has been way off.

You all sound very drama llama and I don’t get why, once the cat was accidentally out of the bag at 5 weeks, your DH didn’t just say “oh sorry, it’s very early days so we were going to tell you, but yes we are”. Why the big birthday announcement when you knew they probably had an inkling anyway?! You don’t have to wait until the 12 week scan with very close relatively surely. We told our parents as soon as we found out.

You lied to them. That would piss me off, but to be honest, why is it such a big deal on either side? What happens in the future is far more important for your family. Are you all going to be taking umbrage all the time, or are you going to demonstrate to your kids that a bit of give and take makes everyone's life easier?

I mean, even if you were hurt they didn’t confirm the pregnancy when they were told by the childminder, It wasn't that they didn't confirm the pregnancy, DH said the CM was mistaken, it was someone else with the same name. Denial is a clear lie.

I’d find a new cleaner for a start, massive invasion of privacy and then felt the need to gossip. Childminder needs to be told that nothing gets passed on about you or child to anyone again.

PILs were probably hurt tbf. Although they definitely should have plastered a smile on there face in that moment I think your angry at the wrong people.

Whilst I think OP has over-reacted, i disagree that it is all OO’s fault. I also think her PIL have been unreasonable too. As were the cleaner and childminder.

OP’s cleaner absolutely should not be gossiping about her clients, especially as it would have been clear that she was not voluntarily told about OP’s pregnancy as she found out accidentally. The childminder also should not have spoken to anyone, although less clear whether she was specifically told not to.

OP’s parents might have been disappointed to find out via others but that wasn’t OP’s fault and their hurt was misplaced. OP and her DH probably would have been better not have lied about it once it was clear PIL knew, but perhaps OP/DH genuinely wanted to keep it from everyone until the 12 week mark (their right) and they (wrongly) thought it could still be a nice surprise later on. They have all over-reacted. PIL included. I mean, even if you were hurt they didn’t confirm the pregnancy when they were told by the childminder, you’d think they would still offer some sort of congratulations?

I would not have flounced off the way OP did, but the PIL weren’t on good behaviour either. I would perhaps explain the situation but I wouldn’t be offering a grovelling apology.

Re documents at five weeks, five weeks was when she told the CM, the documents were weeks later.

@MarSeaLane no thankfully, but if they had, it wouldn't have been fair for DM to be cross with me about it, so much so, that she can't even muster a congratulations.

IMO it isn't my MIL or DM's business who I decide to tell before them. My DH told the local newsagent about our first pregnancy weeks before we told anyone else. Thankfully we live in a city now so it wasn't an issue!

But did GP’s receptionist, GP and local pharmacist discuss your pregnancy with your DM before you had told her you were pregnant?

I think everyone was unreasonable.

OP had a right to think that her cleaner would not go around telling other people information which she had discovered whilst doing her job. Whether the cleaner thought her PIL knew is irrelevant, she shouldn’t have been discussing her clients personal information. It’s less clear whether she asked the childminder not to tell anyone, but equally as it was information given to her in a professional capacity, I can see why apP would have expected her not to go around discussing it with anyone else. I agree once it Became obvious PIL knew, I probably would have just let them know. I can see why you might not want to, as many want to wait just in case.

PIL were rude- they didn’t have to pretend to be surprised but they really ought to have offered congratulations and asked how things were. To grill OP about not being told first was rude and unnecessary. They are being a big daft, given that they were weren’t deliberately pushed out in favour of the cleaner and childminder. It sounds like they are not being very fair or nice.

OP was within her rights to be annoyed at their behaviour, but has over-reacted by refusing to see them and talk of cutting them out.

I think everyone could have done better in this situation.

What a complete over reaction on your part ! Why go through the t shirt on child business when you knew they already knew, what a charade, no wonder they were annoyed, you were treating them like fools. I suggest you apologise and clear this before this all blows out of proportion.

Sounds like you all need some perspective here!

You should have made clear to childminder and cleaner that they should keep your baby news quiet. I can understand your inlaws being a bit put out that relative strangers told them what is delightful news for grandparents.
There’s only one ‘poor me’ in this and it’s not any of them. You are overreacting and should offer an olive branch to inlaws - put yourself in their shoes in 25 years or so.

It’s up to OP who she tells and when she tells them. Of course it is. But it's perfectly reasonable to be hurt when your son and his partner feel it is not important to tell you, and have lied to you.

All this performative drama. I miss the good old days when you'd just say oh I'm pregnant again - due xxx. No idea of the sex of the baby. Just wait and be happy.