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Original poster

Worried about my quiet and introvert DD

61 replies

Newname85 · 18/01/2025 06:49

she is 16. Has a couple of friends. None in her new A levels school.

She seems ok, high achieving at school, etc. But doesn’t do parties or anything. Hangs out with a just couple of old friends - but very rarely. Comes home straight from school most days - practices music (plays 2 instruments to a high standard) or art (her new passion)

I can’t help but wonder how she’ll cope at Uni and whether she’ll even make friends. How will she find a partner is she is this quiet and not social ?

OP posts:
MythosK · 18/01/2025 07:33

MakeItRain · 18/01/2025 07:24

Autism is often easily missed in girls. But a diagnosis can be life changing simply in terms of understanding (both for the autistic person about themselves and for the people around them). It's not a rude question and can be worth considering. I'm not suggesting this to the OP from what she said about her daughter, just agreeing with others that there's nothing wrong with considering it (if there were other traits such as sensory issues and rigidity of thinking).

How would a diagnosis be lifechanging? Why would the OP's daughter need to understand herself anymore than any one else without a diagnosis if they are living their life to suit them anyway?

Original poster
Newname85 · 18/01/2025 07:33

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:06

And I gather you’re not happy with this person?

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We had our ups and downs, but overall I’m happy with him. I just got lucky.

OP posts:
Heavingonajetplane · 18/01/2025 07:32

Is she happy?

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:29

MythosK · 18/01/2025 07:27

But the OP doesn't say her daughter is struggling! If her daughter is comfortable with how she is then it doesn't matter anyway.

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Exactly

DandyTealSeal · 18/01/2025 07:29

It’s about being happy, we are not all the same. Some people get enjoyment from their own company and there is nothing wrong with that.

MythosK · 18/01/2025 07:27

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:18

Because lots of us have had the experience of being this teenage girl. And then being diagnosed later in life after a lot of struggles which could have been avoided if we'd realised we were autistic earlier?

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But the OP doesn't say her daughter is struggling! If her daughter is comfortable with how she is then it doesn't matter anyway.

Moresettingsplease · 18/01/2025 07:25

My DDs and I are like this. We're all happy and very functional. All in happy relationships. All with a handful of close friends and a wider circle of acquaintances. Don't worry about uni. She'll find her tribe

BeethovenNinth · 18/01/2025 07:25

If half the world is extrovert then surely the other half is more introvert? She sounds delightful. Why is partying considered the norm?

as for “is she autistic” - why on earth?!

MakeItRain · 18/01/2025 07:24

Autism is often easily missed in girls. But a diagnosis can be life changing simply in terms of understanding (both for the autistic person about themselves and for the people around them). It's not a rude question and can be worth considering. I'm not suggesting this to the OP from what she said about her daughter, just agreeing with others that there's nothing wrong with considering it (if there were other traits such as sensory issues and rigidity of thinking).

mumonthehill · 18/01/2025 07:20

My thoughts are is she happy? Ds moved schools for Alevels and has a small group of friends. Is happy going surfing, pottering at home etc. he does have hobbies but is quiet really. However this is who he is and he is happy. The thoughts that they should be out at parties is not how he and his friends are. Ds is quite self sufficient in his own skin and happy as he is, he would never want a huge group of loud friends. if she is happy great, if not then look at how you can help her gain confidence and social skills. She has time before uni and still early days in a new school. In took ds until year 13 to really feel he had a small but good friendship group.

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:19

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:18

Because lots of us have had the experience of being this teenage girl. And then being diagnosed later in life after a lot of struggles which could have been avoided if we'd realised we were autistic earlier?

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No where does the Op say or even allude to her daughter being unhappy

it looks to me like the op is unhappily married and worried about her dd marrying the first person she dates

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:18

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:12

why can’t anyone not have a wide group of friends and prefer being at home without autism being raised?

Because lots of us have had the experience of being this teenage girl. And then being diagnosed later in life after a lot of struggles which could have been avoided if we'd realised we were autistic earlier?

PieceOfSunshine · 18/01/2025 07:18

I was v much like this at that age. Had a few close friends but preferred studying in my room or hanging out with my mum. Very shy and introverted. Uni was the making of me. Lots of partying and making friends, joining different groups. Now in my 40s with good job, nice group of friends, husband and toddler. She’ll be fine, don’t worry! She’s still young and discovering who she is!

MythosK · 18/01/2025 07:13

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:08

Lots of parents don't consider that girls with this profile are autistic until someone points it out, tbh. OP may have considered it and ruled it out but she may not have thought about it.

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Even if she were autistic, if she is happy, then what does it change? Force her to party, have more friends why?

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:12

why can’t anyone not have a wide group of friends and prefer being at home without autism being raised?

MakeItRain · 18/01/2025 07:11

My daughter sounds very similar to yours and I also worried about how she would cope at uni. She's in her first year and doing fine though. She's still not into socialising but she loves her course (art based). She has a good friend she goes places with but also spends lots of time in her room listening to music/creating her art. I've accepted she's living her life how she wants to and not how I think she should, and I've stopped worrying so much. As long as she's happy. Your daughter sounds passionate and confident when it comes to her creative abilities and I do think that can be key for many people in finding happiness. 💕

Tipperttruck · 18/01/2025 07:10

It sounds like she knows what she likes doing! I wish I'd been confident enough to just not go to parties at that age..I hated every second of them!

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:10

Ilikewinter · 18/01/2025 07:08

I see it didn't take long for mumsnet goto 'are they autistic' line to be trotted out.

What is the actual problem with this as a question?

No-one has said "she sounds autistic", no-one is diagnosing on the internet. But lots and lots of girls who fit this profile are, and it's worth OP considering.

Zimniy · 18/01/2025 07:08

A few years ago I was in your shoes OP. My DD had no friends at school and I was desperately worried how she would cope at university. She has more than coped and has found her tribe 😀.
Is your DD lonely or is she content in her own company the way many introverts are?

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:08

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:06

And you don’t think her mother may have mentioned this in the OP as a relevant detail?

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Lots of parents don't consider that girls with this profile are autistic until someone points it out, tbh. OP may have considered it and ruled it out but she may not have thought about it.

Ilikewinter · 18/01/2025 07:08

I see it didn't take long for mumsnet goto 'are they autistic' line to be trotted out.

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:06

Newname85 · 18/01/2025 07:04

I struggled with dating! I’ve only dated 1 person and we ended up getting married ! I’m worried a lot about DD.

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Most people meet their partners online now. She'll be able to do that if she wants.

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:06

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:06

Lots of high achieving, quiet, introverted girls are autistic. What's your problem with this suggestion?

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And you don’t think her mother may have mentioned this in the OP as a relevant detail?

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:06

Newname85 · 18/01/2025 07:04

I struggled with dating! I’ve only dated 1 person and we ended up getting married ! I’m worried a lot about DD.

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And I gather you’re not happy with this person?

SapphireOpal · 18/01/2025 07:06

kimchisauchio · 18/01/2025 07:03

No words

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Lots of high achieving, quiet, introverted girls are autistic. What's your problem with this suggestion?

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