Worried about my quiet and introvert DD

My DSis was like this and so is her eldest.

She did make a couple of friends at university and it's working out similarly for her eldest.

As long as she’s happy op I wouldn’t worry.

The thing with school is that you’re just stuck with people who happen to live near you and be the same age. There’s no guarantee you’re gonna be friends with them. I didn’t start making real friends until I was in college and I was with people who’d chosen to do the same subjects as me as we had shared I interests. I imagine she’ll make some good mates when she gets to uni. And loads of people meet their partners online these days, if she’s that bothered about it she can sign up to a dating site.

@Newname85

"Dated 1 and married them"...

Actually you can say you're very good at dating with a 💯 success rate.

Being quiet in life, reflective and enjoying the things you like is a very satisfying way to be. Your DD will continue to develop and change for years to come. Actually her whole life she will change, learn new things, meet new people.

Try to be supportive, interested and resist worrying so much.

It's hard to explain how it can make a difference so I understand people questioning it. It's not that difficulties disappear, but they're not so confusing and you can learn how to manage them more. I don't want to derail the OPs thread though. Her daughter sounds happy in herself and autism hasn't been flagged for her. But for other people issues arising from autism can be confusing and upsetting. A diagnosis gives you more understanding about why things may be difficult. You can then be kinder to yourself as well as navigate life with strategies for coping.

Absolutely! I agree

Try not to worry about her life being like yours, OP

You could chat to her about mistakes you feel that you made, things you wish you'd done differently (chat, not lecture!!) and then leave her to it 🥰

I wouldn’t want that for her, ‘one and done’ isn’t much life experience, but regarding everything else it just sounds like she’s like the pair of you.

My DS was the same, never had many close friends at school and wasn’t keen to make them, he would come home and talk about school and played in a local football team, but he never went out, 1 or 2 classmates would call and ask him to go somewhere with them or to go play sports, but he hardly ever did, I think he only ever did 2/3 sleepovers. He did go to a local university but stayed at home and travelled in usually 3/4 days a week, he had friends on his course, they didn’t do any outside socialising either, but they spent a lot of time together studying and group projects. He now works, is happy and goes out with his work colleagues occasionally, he is never going to be a social butterfly and just doesn’t see the need to stay in contact with anyone from his past, he just isn’t interested. His younger brother is the complete opposite.

I wouldn't be worrying about dating. She's only 16. She might well meet a shy young man in the future.
As for uni, it might do her good. My friend's daughter started uni this year. She's very shy and didn't have a single friend before leaving home. She had no social life whatsoever. Since starting uni she has made a couple of friends. Being away from home forced her to make a couple of friends.

I was trying to quote the person who asked how an autism diagnosis helped their family, I'm new and useless at IT! My apologies! X

Hello, my son had an autism diagnosis last year, and it's been a complete game changer for our family. I feel so much better at asking questions before we go somewhere eg. Who will be there or what will he eat etc. also school have had to be more supportive and put things into place for him, he has ADHD as well, eg fidget toys, theraband, task pad as he forgets the next job. When we've been on days out and on holiday, when he's had a meltdown or is very close I feel so much more confident reaching out to staff for help. When fire alarms have gone off and triggered him I'm able to explain if I need to. Previously I felt he was seen as very demanding, difficult and like he made all the rules by other people, now I know why and we work together to make life as comfortable as possible for us all, sending love xx

Is she in an orchestra? Or a choir? Something where they are very directed and it caters to her interests but there’s also a social aspect?

Maybe that can be her plan for uni as well. Join a choir, join an orchestra, get a part time job and muddle along? I have a friend from my course who wasn’t social at all and didn’t get involved in anything social really. I think I was her only friend there!

Please get a diagnosis for her if you have any suspicions she might be asd. It's not a 'label' it's a medical diagnosis and one that will help her understand herself and any challenges she may face in the future. It will help her in jobs where she will she can ask for reasonable accomodations but most importantly she won't have to struggle through life wondering why she feels different! Autism with a diagnosis far less of a disability!!

It sounds to me that she is a little introverted, like many people are. She may find that socialising drains her, rather than being fun!

I wondered about that too. Our society is built for extroverts. I've never seen a thread where the parent of a lively party going child worries that they'd be happier sitting quietly at home

Some people don't want to party. And that's ok

This.

OP's daughter sounds like me, whilst it is certainly likely I'm autistic, it isn't something I'd follow up. This is because I'm happy and comfortable with myself, the biggest thing is that me being different is an issue for other people, they don't like it, and they don't understand it. getting a diagnosis wouldn't change that, and also, what if someone isn't autistic and they are just happy, quiet and introverted? What then?

Some people need to accept that you can be happy and fulfilled when you're quiet, introverted and don't follow the crowd, you don't need a label, a diagnosis or need fixing. Just accept them for who they are and let them be happy.

Work on building your relationship with her so your sure she has a safe space to go to if she does ever struggle.
She will no doubt find her people at uni I'd she goes and have a ball in the orchestra or something! Your worrying too much - we aren't programmed to be able to maintain more than a few close friendships at any one time anyway.

Your dd sounds so similar to my ds1. He started uni in September in a different city 3 hours away. I was so worried I dove dh nuts. He isn’t great at putting himself out there very quiet in company.
He is doing great. He doesn’t has made friends with similar interests and he says it’s cool they are as socially awkward as me mum. Three of them have just reserved their student flat for next year. He found uni much easier to meet people than school because there are clubs and societies for just about everything so easy to meet people with similar interests and on your course you are surrounded by people right away that have something in common because you all chose that subject.
You will worry but she will find her way. Equally she may be happy as she is which is fine too.

Hi, genuine question…please could you explain what difference a diagnosis made and how it would have helped avoid the difficulties? I am trying to decide whether to seek a diagnosis for my DC. They do ok at school with a bit of understanding from teachers, so not sure what the advantage of the “label” would be or what it would change. We have discussed the possibility that Autism might be the reason they find certain things difficult.

I think youre projecting, OP. You don't want her to be you, hence your worries about her

Is she happy? That's all that matters

If she is, then I wouldn't worry

If she isn't, then perhaps look for ways to boost confidence and self esteem, to develop social skills. My nephew blossomed after a few months volunteering in a charity shop. Talking to strangers was great experience for him. With confidence and self esteem, friendships will follow

Does she have to go to university? She could get a level 4 apprenticeship after her A levels and make money while she learns. If she's not a sociable type she won't benefit from the nightlife that comes with uni and this way has a good chance of making friends while she learns and earns.

If she's happy, she's happy! Much better than spending years trying to mould herself into something she isn't.

No point being in a miserable relationship because somehow society seems that "better" than being happily single. Anyway these days quieter, more introverted people can find each other more easily through niche interests on the Internet.

But there is nothing in the OPs description to suggest autism. And I say this as someone with l late diagnosed autistic adult in my nuclear family. I absolutely understand the impact of late diagnosis.
Introversion does not equal asd. I think the OP needs to talk to her daughter!

Really?
So why so worried your daughter will marry the first man she dates?