To not want my 2.5yo staying overnight without us

It's absolutely up to you. I would say however that it was really useful my child being able to stay over at my mum's aged 2 and a half ish when we had a bit of an emergancy and I think it was a lot easier as she'd done overnights there before. Also our parents are getting older so I don't know if they'd be up to have overnight sleepovers when my child is say 8. You just never know. So it's all about what is important to you. You are mum. You have to make the best decision you can at the time and not judge yourself for it either way.

Your child, it's up to you. She doesn't have to stay out anywhere.

Though I'd love for someone to offer to take my DC but that's because they're hard work and me and DP need a night off.

Does she take any toddlers or purely ones she's related to?

Why would you send your DC to stay the night at a grandparents if neither you or your DD want it? Definitely don't do it

It seems strange that your MIL is so insistent but likewise I am surprised you’re so opposed given that DH is encouraging and your MIL already provides a lot of childcare.

This

I was happy not needing a break too. My oldest 12 & 10 only ever stayed anywhere a hand full of times, one being when I was having number 3, my youngest never slept over anywhere when she was little.

Youngest is 7 now and had her first sleep over last year, she’s had numerous since but with the same friend and my 10yo goes too, we also have the 2 friends here regularly.

If you don’t want her to go then don’t feel pressured OP. There is plenty of time for her to have sleepovers when she starts asking for them.

Can you compromise and do it like once every month or so? It would be nice to spend some quality time with DH, not to mention DD being comfortable if she had to stay there overnight in an emergency such as you had to be in hospital etc.

YANBU. Don’t spend a night away from your child unless you want to. My MIL used to ask for this and I found it weird.

My DM would offer to have DD to stay if it helped us out, eg as extended babysitting if DH and I had been invited to a wedding or something which was away from home. The rest of the time she loved seeing her but was happy for me and DH to be there at the same time, because why shouldn’t she be? Whereas MIL would be desperate to have DD at hers without parents “so I can have her all to myself”. Almost like she was playing at having a baby again. It felt weird and I was never comfortable with it.

DD doesn’t want another sleepover for now, she’s said so and she has a day a week with MIL already. You don’t want her away. So don’t do it. Plenty of time for sleepovers.

My DD is 5 and besotted by my mum, they’re peas in a pod and love each other to bits and see each other at least once a week but DD doesn’t want to stay away from home and my mum hasn’t ever suggested it as she knows DD would ask if she wanted to.

Not all of us “need a break” or want one. It’s as healthy and normal to want to be with your kids at night as it is to want a break.

It's your child, you get to decide where she goes and where she sleeps. If you want her with that's totally fine. She'll be grown up in the blink of an eye.

YANBU. Generally children like being in their own beds near their own parents. It’s fine to have nights away for leisure or necessity if you want / need them, but it certainly isn’t something you have to agree to just because your MIL would enjoy it.

Maybe your DH thinks you are crazy for turning it down as he'd actually like to have a child free night with you? Have you asked him why he said that?

I've currently got my 18 month old DGS staying the night, had a last minute message from DS to ask if we wanted to have him. When I got home from work DGS & DH had trashed the house & were having a blast! It's such a lovely thing I'd be gutted if 'DIL' took issue with us having him. Op it's lovely for both of them, please let it happen a little more, though obvs you're in your rights to do as you please cos you're mum.

And for the 'grandmothers had their time' - sod off lol. I'm 46 with no desire to parent a child, I want to GRANDparent one which is entirely different...which is why he was allowed an m&m before bed 😜. This anti-grandparents thing seems squarely aimed at MIL & never the maternal side...

What?

apparently it isn’t enough. - enough for whom and for what?

I hate these threads where a grandparent is behaving as if having a child overnight is some sort of right rather than something they might do to help out when asked. What is this about? I simply don't get it. And I am grandma to 7.

While I’m with you that it’s important for mum to be close to child. I do think you have to look at the bigger picture. A child needs more than just you and if you were ill or hospitalised or something happened to you she might have to stay and grandmas and that would be less traumatic if she was more used to it. It is hard though I don’t like being apart from mine on the rare occasions dh and I have been away for the night

YANBU I hate being away from mine too. We've had a few nights away but it's been in the context of someone coming to our house, we put baby to bed, go out, come back in the wee hours.

It's totally your choice - my DS is 5 and I've never given into pleadings from my PILs (and the occasional request from my DPs) although I think this year is the first time that I will but only because DH and I might both have work commitments/travels on the same night in the Feb half term. DS is completely comfortable with both sets of grandparents and has a great relationship with them so it's not adversely impacted anything.

Mine have never stayed anywhere because I like their company and being responsible for them.

If they ever asked then depending where I'd let them once they hit about 5/6 + but they never did!

It's a shame you don't want to have a night away with just you abd your husband.

You are the parent here, be honest and say 'It's not you , its me. I don't feel comfortable with her with away overnight.'. She cannot compare you to SIL. That is not fair. Curious to know how often MIL sent her kids away for the night

So it’s ok when it suits you but not otherwise? Not very consistent.

What does your DC think?