To not want my 2.5yo staying overnight without us

So you're happy to do it now that it suits you?

Of course. It's her child!

It is your choice op, if you don't want to you don't have to, the only things I would say it is sometimes not a bad idea for children to stay elsewhere, especially with a GP you obviously trust, in case they need to stay there in an emergency, makes it less of a big deal for them.

It's a biological instinct to want your babies close!!

Clearly I was completely lacking in biological instinct then. Mine stayed at Granny’s regularly after the first time when he was five months. They both had a blast and he loved going. The close relationship continued through the rest of her life, they adored one another and his memories of her reduced a whole crematorium full of people to tears when she died. I wish all kids could experience that.

Not all women want/ need a break. It's ok to love being around your kids & especially that young just be really sad when you're apart. It's a biological instinct to want your babies close!!

Nothing wrong equally with letting her go so you can have a break/ reset if that's what you want and it allows you to be the best version of yourself & therefore the best mum to her.

honestly mothers have gone bonkers in this country.

children since the beginning of time have been raised in communities with extended families sharing child care (for more than a few hours)

our brains are wired for connection with others since birth it is a ridiculous modern concept that babies and small children just need mum and don't need to be cared for by other caregivers.

mums stress about poor little one not needing to stay with granny overnight... but how many of these same people are happy for their young children to play on a mobile phone, ipad etc etc

Really its your decision. Its good you get on well with MIL ,however she shouldnt say her DD DC stay over ,so she expects you to.Just say you are grateful for her offer, but you would like to keep DD with you ATM,When she is older you would be happy about it.I am sure she will understand .

over protective parenting im afraid does impact upon resilience and ability to manage emotions including anxiety.

yes i am qualified to say that.

She WANTS to have your child to herself away from you to play mummies.

Oh give over. She wants to be the same kind of grandma that she is to her other grandchildren.
When my DD stays over, she'd being my grandchild and I'm being her grandma. It's an entirely different thing.

And as in my post further up, having someone and somewhere where a small grandchild feels safe and happy to sleep, is of great practical and emotional value when life gets tricky. Having to suddenly park a child overnight in a place where they've never slept before, is far more upsetting both for the child and their mother, than if the child is already familiar with the drill, and actually sees her sleepovers with grandma as fun.

Your not doing your child any favours by being clingy in this regard.

YANBU. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be away from your young child. I've never been away from my 2 year old overnight, I've never wanted to or needed to. If it works for others that's great for them, but that doesn't mean you 'should'. Do whatever you feel comfortable with!

Why does her husband get no choice? It's equally HIS child

It is very important to get her used to settling for someone else in case you need this in an emergency. What if you or husband got taken into hospital and the other needed to be there? Or non emergencies when you get invited to a wedding or night out.

It is absolutely your choice. Yours. Not your husband's, not your mother in law's.

She WANTS to have your child to herself away from you to play mummies.

You NEED to have your child with you. You know that visceral, emotional, physical need to be close to your child.

Others here will snort and scorn and say they'd have jumped at the chance for a night off. They aren't you.

You will know when/if you feel ready to let that lessen.

Say your 'I'm not ready for her to spend the night away from me yet. And before you ask, no I don't have a timetable stating when I WILL be ready. The answer's no.'

Of course! And why does she have to be consistent? Her child, her feelings!
Sometimes it might suit her, and sometimes it might not. Mothers prerogative.

Last month it might have been ok and this month maybe it isn't, and so bloody what.

Women are always having to do what they don't want to bloody do just to suit other people, I'm sick of it and so must plenty of other women be.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls bravo you've solved our national mental health crisis!

All because we didn't stay out when we were toddlers. Who would have thought it!?

You for real?

Staying over at my grandma’s house was one of my fondest childhood memories. I enjoyed staying over at her house even into my early twenties! We’d watch arty movies and she’d make marmalade on toast with loads of butter in the mornings. She was like a 2nd mum to me and I really miss her still. You never know what your children get from an experience until you let them try.

Of course you are not being unreasonable, she's your child so it's your choice.

I hope you’ve written to the head of the NHS and the health secretary with your brilliant advice. If every child was forced to have regular sleepovers away from their parents, especially when they’re not ready, there’d be no kids or adolescents with anxiety. You’ve cracked it.

It’s your decision but I know my daughter was so grateful that we had GC overnight every couple of weeks from age 12 months. GC really does enjoy and feel secure staying with us ,she is now 5 and still stays every 2-3 weeks.

another unhealthy attitude

no wonder we have such a national mental health crisis.

we just don't equip our children with resilience and coping skills because parents are too busy "liking their company" to accept that it is helpful and healthy for children.

My granddaughter loves her sleepovers at mine. It was actually my DDs idea to start them. The first time they both stayed over as a practice run, and from then on its been fairly regular.

My DD's wisdom in suggesting that we get her used to staying with me paid dividends when her baby sister was admitted to hospital in an emergency. I picked #1 (only just 4) up late at night and brought her to mine, and she ended up with me for four or five days. She was entirely comfortable being at Grandma's, with the occasional visit to the hospital to see mummy and daddy, because sleeping here was 'normal' for her.

I can't imagine what a trauma that late night run, especially, would have been if she wasn't used to sleeping at mine, and having her own bed and everything here.

So for that reason alone, I think it's worth having your child getting used to sleeping elsewhere with someone she loves and is loved by. Hopefully you won't have that kind of emergency, but if you did, wouldn't you feel a lot better about it if she was somewhere where she feels secure? And there are less dramatic problems that crop up that might lead you to need grandma to have her overnight.

ETA and of course she slept at mine when her mum was giving birth to baby sister!

YABU

it is healthy for your child to spend overnights with close caregivers and promotes healthy attachments.

attitudes like yours can be a breeding ground for anxiety im children.

this whole thing around "i don't want my child to be apart from me" is not how we are wired to live.

It's completely up to you! Mine does stay over once every few months and has since 18 months and it's great! We are very securely attached and co sleep otherwise. For us it's often if they are doing a few days of childcare they prefer it or when we've gone away or had something like a wedding.

The only thing is will you need her for adhoc overnight childcare going forward? We will use my parents as childcare when I have baby no 2 this year and the fact DS is so used to staying there I think will make it less of a worry for me.

Haha oh I shouldn't laugh but totally understand

If it helps, DS desperately misses his son when he's not with him (last time DGS stayed I had loads of messages from DS just chatting about him, but radio silence tonight so I'm hoping they're having a lovely peaceful evening) & when DGS wakes in the night he's very easy to settle. THAT SAID he's an incredibly easy child (which seems grossly unfair given what a pita DS was as a toddler!) & has zero separation anxiety.

All 3 of mine & my all my nephews & nieces went/go to my parents every Friday night. Not for our benefit but cos my mum & dad wanted them & they spoil them rotten (neither me nor my sister expect them to parent, they are there to have fun & be special). As a result all the kids have crazy good relationships with them - 15yo DS STILL goes, he's there tonight, cos he's so close to them. From my pov my parents have fostered another safe-place for them which feels important.