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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my 2.5yo staying overnight without us

131 replies

Bounty9 · 17/01/2025 22:33

DD is 2.5yo and MIL is always asking to have her overnight. I have said yes a couple of times in the last year for our anniversary and a big birthday, but apparently it isn’t enough.

It’s not that she’s a bad sleeper, or I don’t trust MIL. I just hate being apart from her at night. I don’t really have a better excuse than that.

MIL looks after DD one day a week (which we are of course very grateful for) so it’s not like she doesn’t have time with her. Her argument is SIL (her daughter) allows her boys (4yo and 6mo) to stay twice a month.

I appreciate the thought behind it, and she did stay over for a night last August, but I didn’t enjoy being away from her and said to DH that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it again until she’s older and asks for it herself. DH (and others) think I’m crazy for turning it down.

YABU - let MIL have her overnight more often
YANBU - waiting a few more years won’t hurt

OP posts:
Honestandkind · 18/01/2025 05:07

Of course it's your choice, but think of it from the perspective of your childs life.

If DD would really enjoy staying overnight at nans and it's going to be a happy memory for her, I'd allow it.

Sometimes it's hard not to be selfish over being with our children, but they've got their own lives and aren't posessions.

Tourmalines · 18/01/2025 04:55

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Pinky1256 · 18/01/2025 04:55

I understand, I don't want to be away from my son. I'm very protective of my son, especially because MIL doesn't want to follow our rules, so it's always supervised time. Could your MIL come stay over at yours once a month? Or is it worse?

She already raised her own kids, does childcare with yours so she already lived her motherhood, she should let you live yours.

BeLilacSloth · 18/01/2025 04:43

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Tourmalines · 18/01/2025 04:25

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PeriPeriMam · 18/01/2025 04:18

You want DD around overnight, she isn't keen to stay over there without you. There's no real drive from either of you for overnight stays, so your MIL needs to back off. I don't see how there's anything else to consider.

BeLilacSloth · 18/01/2025 04:05

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Meadowfinch · 18/01/2025 04:03

Your baby, your choice. Simply tell your mil that being apart from your dd stresses you and prevents you from sleeping so Thanks but no thanks.

And repeat until she stops asking.

Tourmalines · 18/01/2025 03:56

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Mummyoflittledragon · 18/01/2025 03:52

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This is the first time you mentioned your dd’s high needs. I am not seeing anything wrong in the response from Tourmalines.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/01/2025 03:45

My dd wouldn’t have been ok to do this at this age. By 6 she was ready. Listen to your child, not the adult.

BeLilacSloth · 18/01/2025 03:38

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hoptolop · 18/01/2025 03:24

My son is 4 and has still never spent the night away from me. YANBU

WellsAndThistles · 18/01/2025 03:10

If MIL is generally normal and not one of the MN batshit crazy ones, I would maybe let her have DD overnight occasionally.

The bond and 'making memories' with Granny is priceless. My maternal Granny died over 30 years ago now and I can still remember loving the one and only sleepover I had with her which was during the time my paternal Granny was in hospital dying.

Yes she's had her kids but that doesn't mean she can't be a wonderful Granny.

Nellyelephanty · 18/01/2025 03:08

YANBU my PIL pressuring to have my 4 year old for a week of sleepovers for no reason!! I keep saying no. They live over 6 hours away. If it was for 1 night I would be more open to it. Why do I want to be apart from my child for a week? So pressuring

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 18/01/2025 03:01

Could you ask your daughter what she’d like? My daughter loved staying over, not often but she loved the fuss and the change of scene. It was a nice experience for her and helped build bonds.

Must be hard when you get older and miss having kids staying over. Your MIL would be so happy and I bet your daughter would too. You could go out to the cinema with your partner. You’re lucky to have someone offer. Not everyone does & they’re not around forever.

Tourmalines · 18/01/2025 02:53

BeLilacSloth · 18/01/2025 02:20

My DD is 3 and i’ve never been away from her and wouldn’t allow anyone to have ger overnight unless absolitely necessary. I’m giving birth soon and terrified of the fact me and OH won’t be there overnight and my mum will have her, I hate being away from her.

Terrified? Wow, really ? Don’t you trust your mother ?

Pippinsdiary · 18/01/2025 02:42

Mine is almost 3.5 and never spent a night away from me and her Dad. I know she wouldn’t be happy during the night so I’m waiting for her to be a bit older to understand we won’t be there if she needs us

Stonefromthehenge · 18/01/2025 02:34

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/01/2025 22:44

So it’s ok when it suits you but not otherwise? Not very consistent.

It's absolutely consistent, couldn't be more consistent. DC stats over if and when it suits DM. If MIL isn't agreeable, she can, of course, decline. It's almost as if the DM isn't entitled to her own wants and needs. As carrier and birther of said child, OP, don't be letting others tell you what is and isn't reasonable, that's for you to dictate.

BeLilacSloth · 18/01/2025 02:20

My DD is 3 and i’ve never been away from her and wouldn’t allow anyone to have ger overnight unless absolitely necessary. I’m giving birth soon and terrified of the fact me and OH won’t be there overnight and my mum will have her, I hate being away from her.

dutysuite · 18/01/2025 01:36

My babies/children never stayed anywhere without me, but that’s because my mother was an alcoholic and couldn’t be trusted and my MIL was elderly. My son is now a teen so he will call my MIL frequently to check in on her and he often turns up at her house for dinner - so it didn’t impact his relationship by not staying over when little but it would have been nice for me once in a while.

lilacsatin · 18/01/2025 01:23

I ask DD if she wants to sleep at her house and she says ‘I want to sleep at nana’s house with mummy’.

There's your answer.

She has 3 children and never let any of them stay overnight when they were little and now says as a grandparent she realises how much hers missed out on because of that.

That's manipulative! MIL is not doing it because of this realisation - she's doing it to fulfil her own needs. I would listen to your daughter and follow your own needs and hers.

mynameiscalypso · 18/01/2025 01:19

@BIossomtoes Knowing both him and my parents, I'm not sure he would particularly have fun, or, at least, more fun than he has at home.

BIossomtoes · 18/01/2025 01:13

mynameiscalypso · 18/01/2025 01:11

@JMSA Yes. And the fact that DS is older. But what would be the point of him having a sleepover if it didn't suit us?

Would a good enough reason be that he might enjoy it?

mynameiscalypso · 18/01/2025 01:11

@JMSA Yes. And the fact that DS is older. But what would be the point of him having a sleepover if it didn't suit us?