To not want my 2.5yo staying overnight without us

Ok so maybe that's a compromise if you can stand it - go with her every 3 months or so for a sleepover? Both parents and a travel cot? Your mil can do bathtime and story etc and you don't get separated. Or you could invite MIL for a sleepover/dvenjng?

It's not OP (who has already allowed the occasional stay and who has some empathy for her MIL) whose posts I'm talking about.

Thats a bit mean, she probably wants to bond with her grandchild and give her son a break in the same was she does her daughter. She probably feels guilty she's giving fun sleepovers to her other grandkids and not ops

Duh. The grandma can also say no if she thinks she's being taken advantaged of. Everyone has freedom of choice. She has the right not to want to part from her child overnight, and it's not like said child is 10yrs old or something, she's just 2.5yrs old.

Agree unless you think daughter won't like it

As PP says, there is plenty of tIme to do this when she is older. Neither of mine stayed with grandparents overnight without one of us before they were 5.

The child is not ready - a grandmother’s wishes do not override that.

Assuming that the grandparents are decent people, I find most posts this thread really depressing.

On multiple other threads on this site, posters complain about uninvolved grandparents. Yet here, those who love their grandchildren and want to be involved 'just want to play mummies' or are being selfish.

Yes, I love my DGD coming for sleepovers. I couldn't be happier when I get a video call, my DGD's little face fills the screen, and she asks if she can come for a sleepover. Why is that wrong? Are grandparents just to be kept on a shelf to be useful and loving when it suits their DILs, but to have no wishes or enjoyment of their own that come from that same deep love of their grandchildren?

Your little girl is only 2 and has said herself she isn’t ready to sleep anywhere different without her mum. I think that’s quite normal for 2. Loads of time in the future for her to decide she wants to sleep in nanny’s house with just nanny. None of this screams overprotective, just protective, which is what we’re meant to be as parents.

I’m quite surprised at how many people have said OP is being unreasonable for saying no when her very young daughter has said she doesn’t to sleep away from mummy.

Just tell MIL that DD doesn’t want to stay without you. And I’d be eye rolling at the claim that she’s realised what she did wrong - rubbish. She wasn’t comfortable at her DC staying overnight without her but she expects you to be? My MIL never pushed like this and I’m grateful as it would have caused problems.

I think it is important that DC get used to being away from their parents and used to sleeping elsewhere. What would happen if you were taken ill and had to go to hospital? Or if there was a family emergency? I honestly think parenting is about teaching children to be independent and doing sleepovers with GPs is a good start.

You guys have your time together as a couple and enjoy family time at the weekend. Nothing wrong with that. Twice a month is every other weekend! Great for some but I'd never want to do that.

I think her saying she realises now how much her children missed out on is a bit unfair of her. Bit of a coincidence that she get her way as a mum and as a grandparent.

I think you could reframe it to her that it's not that you don't want her staying away but just that you enjoy being together at the weekend. The more relaxed bedtimes and mornings etc.

Equally though I see plenty of posters with young children treating it like a kind of service. Some posters have already brazenly stated that they won’t consider it UNTIL it is actually serving a purpose because they need a babysitter. THEN suddenly they are actually ok with it.

I have young children - admittedly both slightly older than OP’s little one. Both children love staying over at their grandparents and it’s a massive treat. My eldest loves going without her sibling as she gets one on one time and to be honest is treated like a visiting queen. I have core memories of staying with my grandparents and it still brings a warm and cosy glow of utter contentment when I think of it. I wouldn’t never deny that to my own children.

likewise part of being a parent is looking forward to the potential of grandchildren, and one day I would like to be that adored granny who helps create those memories- I won’t deny it. So yes part of me sending my children to their grandparents is FOR the sake of my parents and my in-laws as it brings them so much joy too. There is nothing wrong with wanting to create memories with your grandchildren, even though mumsnet seems to believe that once you’ve brought up your own children women should turn into service machines whose only purpose is to do exactly what their adult children need at exactly the right time, rather than have their own hopes and wishes that might also still be in any way considered.

OPs daughter is still very little and I totally get the feeling of not wanting to be apart. I don’t think MIL is unreasonable either though so I think a proper conversation is probably best. MIL might be feeling a bit of rejection so I’m sure OP can reassure her on that whilst still not doing anything she isn’t comfortable with.

Yabu

My kids love stopping at their nonnas, and all of the fun experiences that come with it (getting into her bed and giving her a snuggle in the morning, tv treat at bedtime, different bath toys etc). Randomly, my little girl would be so extra chatty the following day - I think it gives them new surroundings and a fun, safe experience.

Could you stop over too the first time? My best memories as a child were with my own grandma. Better to do it on relaxed terms than have to send her in an emergency situation one day

DD is a teenager and has a close relationship with MIL. She goes to stay in the summer for a week every year and has done for about 6 years. Before that she went for weekends But she didn't stay overnight with her until she was about 5 or 6.

It's not all or nothing, kids can have close relationships with out sleep overs and they don't have to start sleeping over when they are tiny to be close either

I would say that’s how kids staying overnight with relatives works, yes.

I feel you are being unreasonable if you allow it sporadically. Those nights without you will stress your daughter out more than if it was a more frequent/routine occurance. I would either allow it to become more regular or not at all.

There was a thread on here a year or so ago like this and one woman proudly announced her 18 year old had never spent a night away from home …. no special needs.

Mine are 4.5 and 3 and have never slept without us

Wow I haven't seen a bun fight on here for ages.@Bounty9 you take things at your own speed but you really could be looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Slowly slowly and sleep over maybe the first time or so. Go out for the evening but sleep at mil's? Just to make sure dd can adjust. She'll probably just love it.

Perhaps don't call someone "Simpleton" with absolutely no justification then.

If you aren't comfortable don't do it

I often feel anxious about my daughter staying over at her grandmothers, but it's definitely a me problem because DD is almost 4 now and asks to go