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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you're turning (or have turned) into your mother?

110 replies

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 17:09

I caught myself today repeating one of my cockney mums sayings to dd

Although we're estranged, I'm definitely turning into mine. Fingers crossed I don't get her early menopause 😩

Edited to add that I was so happy about getting 4 x steaks from lidl today and planning tonight's dinner. My dm would be the same about a bargain 😄😄

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 17/01/2025 19:09

FaithFables · 17/01/2025 17:24

No. I tried very hard to make sure I wouldn't turn into my mum, and never realised that would mean I'd turn into my dad. 😵😂

Yes!!! 🤣😭😱😁

GiddyRobin · 17/01/2025 19:08

No, much more like my dad. My mum (died when I was early teens) was very much into TV, fashion magazines, that sort of thing. Not very political and had bloody awful taste in music. 🤣 Lovely woman! But we're very much opposite. Dad was sarcastic, into his books, politics, played guitar and wrote a lot. Very active and adventurous whereas mum was a homebody. Sometimes I'll say something or even pull a face, and my siblings are all "Oh, back from the dead, dad?!"
😆

Ilikeviognier · 17/01/2025 18:29

@mumofoneAlonebutokay Thankyou xxx

Original poster
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 18:04

Ilikeviognier · 17/01/2025 18:03

Yes, sadly she died 15 years ago when I was 30, but I really recognise her in me now I’m a bit older. Wandering around charity shops for one - which I always hated and grumbled about as a child. I think I would have had a lot in common with her now I’m older - sadly I haven’t had the opportunity and I miss her terribly still.

Im sorry for your loss ❤️ - she's still with you I'm sure, probably smiling at you walking around the charity shops x

OP posts:
TangerineClementine · 17/01/2025 18:04

I am not very similar to my mum at all. She's lovely and we get on well, we're just very different in lots of ways. I'll be surprised if I turn into her which is lucky as DH says he'll divorce me if I do.

Original poster
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 18:03

KnopkaPixie · 17/01/2025 17:40

I think I'm more like my dad. My mum is the Alan Bennett, "Talking Heads" episode that was never recorded. I phone her every day and yesterday's monologue was quite poignant but funny at the same time. For context, she's 83 and lives in her own flat but it's sort of assisted living:

"I was looking out of the window and there was this little bird. His feathers were being ruffled up by the wind the wrong way. I thought, 'Turn around you daft little sod.' Then he fell off the branch. Dead. I suppose. Birds die all the time, of course. But you never see a dead bird on the ground, do you? That big seagull might have had him. Do birds eat other birds? I regret encouraging the seagulls with bread and lard. Fat downstairs Lyn has given us warnings not to do it because they plop all over the windows.

Which I agree with, even if she never does a hand's turn and sits in the office all day eating Coco Pops. Did I tell you that I went to the little Pakistani boy's shop? It's like an Alladin's Cave in there! I got a three set of knickers for three pounds! Pound each! They've gone down in price since I lost weight through the diverticulitus. He charges more for bigger knickers. Which is fair. More material and all that...

Our Anthony...

Show quote history

😄😄😄 she sounds hilarious

I suspect I'll be the same when if I get to that age, I do ramble a bit now

OP posts:
Ilikeviognier · 17/01/2025 18:03

Yes, sadly she died 15 years ago when I was 30, but I really recognise her in me now I’m a bit older. Wandering around charity shops for one - which I always hated and grumbled about as a child. I think I would have had a lot in common with her now I’m older - sadly I haven’t had the opportunity and I miss her terribly still.

SallyWD · 17/01/2025 18:02

I look extremely similar to my mum abd always have done. I'm very much like her in personality too but also like my dad.

Original poster
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 18:01

CharlotteLightandDark · 17/01/2025 17:40

Personality/behaviour wise no - looks yes sadly

Sadly, oh no 😄

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 17/01/2025 18:00

Oh without a doubt, and my husband and DH often laugh about it together.

KnopkaPixie · 17/01/2025 18:00

Mopsy567 · 17/01/2025 17:53

She needs her own podcast! I could listen to that on my drive home.

Show quote history

Thankyou! I actually Googled, "Why do you never see dead birds?" because she had a point, didn't she?
The results were most unsatifactory. Maybe I am turning into her after all.

Original poster
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 17:58

Summerhillsquare · 17/01/2025 17:49

Yes. Solidarity @mumofoneAlonebutokay . Have you got a tribe of women friends around you? They help me model other ways to be a woman, older woman in my case.

I honestly don't but fingers crossed this year is the year I get out and finally start to live my life - fingers crossed I'll meet some strong women

Most of the strong women i try to emulate come from tv 😄🤭

OP posts:
Mingenious · 17/01/2025 17:57

I’m a proper mix of my mum and dad, probably more like my dad personality wise. I’d be happy to “turn in to” either of them. They’re both wonderful, interesting people.

Bob02 · 17/01/2025 17:57

I've turned into my mum. Unfortunately, I'm the budget, less groomed, less fun, version.

Branster · 17/01/2025 17:57

Pretty sure I started turning into my grandmother about 10 years ago!
But she was so amazing that I don't even mind.

TorroFerney · 17/01/2025 17:56

JaneBoleynViscountessRochford · 17/01/2025 17:39

I don’t think so and hopefully it stays that way. I love my Mum but she is astonishingly juvenile and is constantly attention seeking through numerous pointless medical appointments which she then gives me in-depth run downs of while never ever asking a single thing about me. I once asked her if she knew what my job was (it’s a common job that everyone will have heard of and I have been in the field for almost 15 years), and she said she had no idea then spent 30 minutes telling me all about my brothers job instead.

I asked my mum if she knew what I did and she got very defensive - that's a no then. I'm an only child and she is very self absorbed.

AsmallabodeIsallweWant · 17/01/2025 17:56

No, we are very different. She was a hard working, no evil bone woman, listening to her parents and husband, but a bit basic, silly and childish also. She would go up and down the road smiling at everyone. She was kindergarten manager and all kids loved her; never heard her using swearing words or have seen her really angry

I am sassy, with layers and layers of depth and other things. Totally different; Working in teaching would be my worst nightmare and also am extremely choosy who I befriend; When frustrated I might use occasional swear word

ItGhoul · 17/01/2025 17:55

I love my mum but have tried to avoid turning into her. Unfortunately this just means I've turned into my dad instead. My mum and my aunt both told me recently that I'm incredibly like him, and I have to concede that they're right.

CheerfulBunny · 17/01/2025 17:55

OH is turning into his mother - does that count? They're both utterly obsessed with shutting doors (amongst other things). I feel like I'm doing life in Wormwood Scrubs 😑

Meadowfinch · 17/01/2025 17:54

Only as far as turning off lights and using up veggies on a Saturday by making soup.

So far I've avoided the steel grey perm, the enthusiasm for court shoes and the loathing of trousers. I don't read Mills and Boon, don't feel the need to gossip vindictively, don't complain about bus services and don't carry Margaret Thatcher handbags.
🤗

SnidelyWhiplash · 17/01/2025 17:53

God forbid.

I hope I take after my dad if anyone. He was clever, funny and kind. My mum was fiercely devoted and would’ve happily died for us, but she wasn’t a very nice person.

suki1964 · 17/01/2025 17:53

I have given DH strict instructions to just shoot me if I become my mum

Mopsy567 · 17/01/2025 17:53

KnopkaPixie · 17/01/2025 17:40

I think I'm more like my dad. My mum is the Alan Bennett, "Talking Heads" episode that was never recorded. I phone her every day and yesterday's monologue was quite poignant but funny at the same time. For context, she's 83 and lives in her own flat but it's sort of assisted living:

"I was looking out of the window and there was this little bird. His feathers were being ruffled up by the wind the wrong way. I thought, 'Turn around you daft little sod.' Then he fell off the branch. Dead. I suppose. Birds die all the time, of course. But you never see a dead bird on the ground, do you? That big seagull might have had him. Do birds eat other birds? I regret encouraging the seagulls with bread and lard. Fat downstairs Lyn has given us warnings not to do it because they plop all over the windows.

Which I agree with, even if she never does a hand's turn and sits in the office all day eating Coco Pops. Did I tell you that I went to the little Pakistani boy's shop? It's like an Alladin's Cave in there! I got a three set of knickers for three pounds! Pound each! They've gone down in price since I lost weight through the diverticulitus. He charges more for bigger knickers. Which is fair. More material and all that...

Our Anthony...

Show quote history

She needs her own podcast! I could listen to that on my drive home.

KnopkaPixie · 17/01/2025 17:52

My mum is very neat and cleans and bins things all the time. Whereas my (now late) Dad was more sentimental and liked a bit of clutter. Which is more like me but I'm trying to be more ruthless lately.

Original poster
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 17:51

Natsku · 17/01/2025 17:49

I wouldn't mind turning into my mum a bit, she's so fit and healthy, in her 70s and regularly goes running and when she visits me she goes cross country skiing - much better than me and my laziness!

But it seems I'm turning into my dad instead. I'm starting to look more and more like him, and I often catch myself singing half forgotten hymns just like he always does (although I also add in half forgotten 90s songs, which he never would).

My sneezes are getting more powerful too.

Im always groaning when i sit down, I've got to stop

OP posts: