Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

there is 8 years between me and my siblings - and 16 years between my older sibling and younger - we are very very very close.

I had my second because i wanted to - and my sister in law - who is an only practically begged me to have another as said said the loneliness was the most unbearable part of her life - i have 2 but i would say it was because i really wanted a second. Do they fight? every bladdy day - but there are those moments i catch when they are not looking, the little ones, like one of them gets a drink for the other, or gives their last pizza slice, or holds their hand while the other is crying. Yesterday my older child was upset they didnt get some test question right, my other younger said to them 'you are the smartest person i know'... Those little moments make it all worthwhile. I wouldn't change it at all.

Not to take this discussion slightly off-topic, but from reading this so much of the positive about having a second seems to be about how close the siblings are, how they play with each other, having a best friend for life - but doesn't this mean that they have to be close in age? We've been struggling with secondary infertility and if we ever do manage to have a second there'll be at least a 4 year gap now - this makes me wonder if there's even any point, given they'll be too far apart to be friends?

I really wish you’d phrased that question differently. The fact that you feel the need to ask if there are ANY plus points to having an only child suggests that you are very steeped in societal prejudice against/pity for only children. There may not be enough for you to convince you to stop at one, but it’s insulting to suggest that you can’t even think of a single one for yourself.

I’m an only child so I had 2.
Having said that life with one child is generally easier and probably more fun. One can fit in, two - you have to accommodate.
I don’t regret having my second. She does complete us as a family and we all adore her. I like the dynamics between DS and DD. This way DS gets to stay younger for longer too.
there’s no right or wrong answer though.

Three things:

1. It was worth it even destroying your marriage in the process? I'm guessing there were other factors involved here?
2. It's a very outdated opinion to think it's selfish to have one for material reasons. What about the families who genuinely can't afford another?
3. Why do you assume your ex's negative traits are down to being an only child?

I've really appreciated the comments on this thread.
I am 35 and my DD has just turned 2. I have been thinking about having another, I do feel a pull towards that life path, but I also have to be honest with myself in that I am far more upright and less patient than I thought I would be. I had terrible PND for the first year of DDs life and now I desperately want to be the best mother I can be for her. Having another child and more demands on my patience and time would not work for me and as sad as I am to admit that, I have to be realistic about who and how I am because someone's childhood rests on my shoulders.
Good luck OP! I hope you make a choice that brings you happiness and fulfilment ❤️

I am inclined to agree with most PP about having two.

Initially I thought I had fucked up DC1s life. Now I realise - now that they're best of friends - that it was the greatest gift I could've given them (although this wasn't my reason for wanting another!).

Having children at all is selfish! You're not doing it to benefit anyone else, are you?

Let's not pretend that parents of two or more children are these wonderful, selfless beings.

I was close to my three siblings, we still are and are a massive support to each other. I have three, they’re close too, they also have their own friends. They’re adults now and their partners get on well too. I think we’ve been lucky.

I have never regretted having any of our children for a second, and I'm about to have our 6th. I can't imagine ever having stopped at just one, and life has just evolved with each new addition.

I loved being an only and there's no guarantee siblings will get on. I know 3 or 4 people who have actively disliked their siblings since mid primary age

Not always. I have a very difficult relationship with my sibling so I would never have wanted my daughter (who is an only child) to go through that.
I could only have one as I had my daughter in my 40s and I just know that having two would be beyond my ability to cope. I feel stretched to the max with one child, physically, mentally and emotionally!

Some days it is really difficult with DC2 because of his disabilities which are largely mental. He is very challenging and it has interfered with the relationship of DC1 as it has been all about DC2 and manging his needs. I do love them both a lot, but I was very close to my first child and that bond changed when DC2 came, and the siblings aren't particularly close either. Of course i don't regret DC2 and love him and relationships and dependencies change as they age, but it has been bloody hard!

Never have a child so the first dont get lonely.
Never have a child if you want them to care for you when your old.
Never have a child if your on the fence about it.
I had one and i was done we have a great relationship he was never lonely and enjoyed being an only child no sibling dramas (it was also cheaper).
Hes a grown man now and getting on with his own life with his partner.
We moved to thailand when he was 8 and we have never looked back.
Never would have had the life we have if i had more kids.
No regrets.

I have two and there's a big gap (5 years) between them. I don't regret her at all, but there are definitely moments where I'm conscious of how life is more difficult now than it would be otherwise. Eldest is nearly 9, and when I speak with friends who have similarly aged children, there's a sense of more independence for the children, and more freedom for the adults, as they're able to do more non-parenting things as the child gets older.

My daughters are also quite different in personality, oldest is more easygoing, youngest is quite strong willed. Parenting her feels relentless in a way that I hadn't anticipated, and the exhaustion can be hard going. In having a second with a big gap we've stretched out the early parenthood exhaustion over a longer period, and it's hard. But on the other hand, they're so lovely together and watching my eldest be a loving big sister is so worthwhile.

The other thing is, parenting's a long game. It's incredibly hard work now, and there are times when it's frustrating that they're at different ages and stages, but they're not little children for long. Our relationship will grow and change as they grow, they'll become teens and then adults and having the bond between them, as well as the bond they have with us, is part of what I wanted from a family. Like @MaltipooMama says, the thought that they have someone in their life who knows them and shares their history is a great thing, and I hope they can be a loving and supportive presence to each other when I'm gone.

No and sometimes I wished I had a third.

I'm not going to lie, I was nervous having a second and he was hard work for the first three years. Then it was like a switch was put on and he became the happiest funniest caring lad ever. He is now an adult and is exactly the same As he was a child. I ha e never had any problems from him.and he was an amazing teenager that all the teachers liked. I'm really close to him
How could I regret that!

One and done is great!
Lots of adults can’t stand their siblings, so if your child has lots of friends and family near,one is portable and easy .

I asked single “children” as adults and they loved being a single.
If you are happy with the one you have- why risk another?

My second child is in the throes of the terrible twos and doesn't sleep through the night.

We wouldn't be without her though, and neither would her big brother.

We are one and done. I couldn't imagine having to split my time between 2 children and having 1 means we can travel and do more with DS.

I have three children. Going from one to two I found easy. Two to three I found hard. I had hg during pregnancy, an emergency section at 30 weeks where we nearly lost her and I then also developed sepsis. My dd has been left with a lot of medical and learning issues.
On occasion I do think life would have been easier had we stopped at two children. But I would live every difficult moment ten times over to have her in my life. No matter how hard parenting is for me I always think it's worth it. Those little smiles and hugs melt the troubles of life away.

I love having two but we I’ve in a rural area so they are good company for each other and nearly the same age. But I can see if you have loads of cousins or close friends for them their age - the calmness and less expense would be a massive plus in having one (two sets of hugs with two though )

I definitely can't comment on the positives as mine isn't here yet, she's due in July and will have a 19 month age gap between her and our son so they're pretty close in age but I'm nearly 39 so didn't want to wait too long.

But I can tell you why I really wanted a second, I used to think if our son was an only, his dad and I might well have passed away while he's still in his 40s, he doesn't have cousins on either side and if he hadn't met anyone or had children of his own he would literally be left with no family at a young age. So whilst nothing is guaranteed, I felt more confident that with a sibling he would still have access to family in the form of his sibling, their potential partner and his nieces and/or nephews etc.

I also remember a line from a TV show once where the character said, "your parents are gone too early, you meet your partner late in life, your siblings are the only ones there for the whole ride. They're the only ones who share your story", and pitifully it made me cry 😢😂

Whether they're close later in life or not, I wanted to give him the opportunity to have a person for life. On another note, as his dad and I get older I don't want him to feel obligated to be the "go-to" person that we rely on. We will try and avoid this whenever and wherever possible, but if there are circumstances beyond our control I don't want him to feel all alone in trying to deal with it.

I'm glad I had more but definitely have moments of being jealous of a friend who has an only child and makes it look like a great option. Different options work for different families.

I was on the fence for a while. Couldn't quite put my finger on it. Went ahead and had a second because I knew that I would forever wonder about a second if I didn't and decided that I'd probably regret it more not having one than actually having one.
However, I will say that age (mine) and age gap was definitely a factor in my thought process. I didn't want a big gap between them.

When second baby arrived, I had a few days of "oh my god what have we done?!" I just wanted to change my mind. It was awful.

And then after a few days... things started to change and I got that overwhelming sense of relief, like I felt li me my family was complete and that DD2 had been the missing piece all along.

Would not change it for a second. I absolutely LOVE having the two of them.

And now I have absolutely 100% no desire for a third. I know that very firmly. Which makes me realise my "on the fence" feeling was there for a reason. I think if you don't want any more then you know.