Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

I was never that maternal and after first DC decided pretty much not to have any more.
DC2 was born seven years later (unplanned) and we love him to bits and so does DC1. DCs are very close despite age gap.
Never regretted it.

I think it has as much to do with personality as anything- there's almost a decade between DH and his sibling and they're very close, they talk most days.

I have 1 4yo DS and he has ASD. I've often thought I'd like another but we have for now decided against it. The last 4 years have been really tough with DS and even though his autism is relatively mild he has been incredibly challenging. We know the risk of having another child with ASD is increased. I don't think it would be fair on anyone.
Things have improved over time, and I feel really lucky that I am able to meet his needs and he has made so much progress because I know had I had another that would not have been possible. I'm sad about not having another but I know there's no guarantee siblings get along. I know plenty who don't. And right now we can prioritise our son and give him all of the support and attention he needs.

No regrets here. I don't find parenting easy, particularly the early bits, but I've never regretted my second for a second. With my first I definitely had "what the fuck have I done to my life" moments, but that had all passed when DC2 came along 2 years later. Love having the two and the moments where they're getting on well together and not doing my head in with the squabbling are truly wonderful.

ETA - nothing wrong at all with having just the one, there's pluses and minuses both ways. But two was the right number for me. Would never for a single second contemplate a third.

My mum! And I got absolutely nothing good out of having a sibling, literally not one thing, I really wish I'd been an only. I dread having to deal with my parents estate when the time comes with my sibling I never speak to,

I have an only and it's been absolutely wonderful, many of my friends looked on with envy at how easy, quiet and calm my house was without 2 kids arguing and fighting. He's an adult now and has always been thankful to have not had an annoying younger sibling.

Having one is absolutely fine. Not sure why people try to guilt others for it. Siblings aren't guaranteed friends and so many don't even bother.

My child's sibling ended up being twins. Destroyed my marriage but I don't regret it. Yes it's bloody hard work. But the relationship between my eldest and the twins is lovely - and it's my job as their parent to ensure this relationship endures Into Adulthood by raising well rounded happy and kind children. I do personally find being deliberately one and done for material reasons a tad selfish. But maybe because my ex husband was an only child and he very much has all of the negative personality traits of not having grown up with a sibling

Who is it selfish to? There are no unselfish reasons to have children.

No regrets at all - and I was almost 41 when I had DS2 with an almost 8 year gap. It was easy when DS2 was a baby/toddler, but harder when he was 5/6 and we had to see different films at the cinema and go to different parts of theme parks etc, but now they’re 24 and 16 I am so glad they each have a sibling.

I was happier with one had free time wanted another had a 2nd one almost a decade later I wouldn't recommend it. The starting again , am more exhausted. I've aged massively in the last 3 years.

Also, some of the stereotypes about only children are such bollocks. I have a couple of good friends who are only children and they are the kindest, most generous people I know.

Love having 1. Especially now DD is 16. We definitely made the right decision.

I have 4 siblings. Dh has 2, so it's not like we don't know what it's like. We love our siblings too, but 1 was the right decision for us.

We can pursue lots of activities we couldn't have done with 2 or more.

I also appreciate it as I've seen other families who's kids bicker, adult siblings who don't talk to each other etc.

We have a calm peacefulness in our merry gang of 3.

We do have a larger living extended family of cousins, uncles etc.

DD is not a brat, or lonely, or shy, or any of the other stereotypes people with more than one child constantly try to profess🙄

I wouldn't say you're right or wrong wanting more than 1, but this is just my experience.

I did worry I might not love second as much as first but honestly, from day one he has been my joy. Grown now and we are actually closer than my eldest (even though I am still very close to him too).

I was only originally going to have one but decided I didn’t want him to be an only child, so I guess my motivation was the maligned ‘don’t have another just to keep the other one company’. I don’t regret it for a minute.

Following with interest. My son recently just turned 2 and we had originally said that's when we'd start trying, but neither of us wants a second child currently!

I'm an only and enjoyed, my husband has one brother and a great relationship with him. I definitely identify with that feeling of "it's what you're supposed to do". I really struggle with the idea of splitting my focus, particularly in the difficult late pregnancy/new baby phase. I struggle with the idea of going back to the baby phase (as much as I'd love the snuggles) because I'm enjoying being able to do so much more with our son now he's getting older.

The introvert in me needs breaks and time off parenting, and that would be so much harder with 2 - even with pretty good family support.

I don't have the answer, but I've got the same questions!

It’s a massive step up and the financial implications are significant, too. For us it’s struggling to stretch to two swimming lessons, two music classes etc but I imagine for those a couple of tiers up stretching to two lots of private school is a significant difference. Saving for two futures as well (uni fees etc).

I adore my kids and can’t imagine not having either of them. I like our dynamic as a family
of four and how sweet they are together. But I do look sideways at our friends with one kid and think how much extra income we would have for holidays etc. not to mention the extra space in the house.

All the parents of only children I know make a huge effort with playdates, sleepovers, taking friends on holiday with them etc to make sure their child has plenty of company. Personally I'd rather deal with my own children than other people's so had several and let them fall back on each other for company. Obviously they had friends and playdates and even occasional sleepovers <shudder> but I never felt pressure over their social lives.

I remember when I was pregnant with my second child (quite soon after the birth of my first) an elderly neighbour looked at me pitifully and said “it must be so tempting to stick at one…” I had no clue what she was talking about as it was most definitely planned and we longed for a big family. The mere idea was baffling to me.

It made me realise some people are just ‘one child’ people. And you always get them on threads like these extolling the virtues of holidays, and extra attention and their children thriving as an only. But at the end of the day what matters is what that child thinks when they look back as an adult. Some enjoyed siblings, some didn’t. Some appreciated being an only, some were lonely.

All you can know at this point is what suits you and your family. We’ve loved having three DC and we are still all close now they are adults. Our family life is fun and full. We’ve struggled financially but they’ve never been short of holidays, personal space, friends and individual attention. And when we’ve gone, they’ll have each other.

Team one here.I don't think company for dc is a reason to have a child

To start with I was surprised by how much the second child dented my relationship with the first child. There is 2.5 years between ours and I felt an overriding impulse to protect the new baby from older DS who was perfectly lovely and happy to have a sibling but it did feel a bit like a Cold War for a while. He is now so incredibly close with DH which is lovely to see. We want to have a 3rd and I want to be a bit more mindful next time about how to preserve the existing relationships.

The above definitely hasn’t put me off having anymore children and I never regretted having DD, it just took me by surprise.

I never contemplated only having 1 DC tbh, our family is richer for having more children.

I’m not sure it’s something you should do if you’re on the fence about it though. Another child is understandably a lot of work!! And the amount of laundry more than doubles and it becomes much harder to juggle 2 full time careers.

I felt I missed at least a year of my dc1's life for this reason. I was very sick during pregnancy and the early days were very harsh with a newborn. Add in sleep deprivation where you have a short fuse and get frustrated very easily, normally a spilled drink would be fine to clean but under the circumstances you then snap when you normally wouldn't with the older child as you're tired, struggling with the newborn.

There's also other things you cannot do with dc1 due to baby napping or baby needs to be bf. All in all I'm glad I had dc2 but I feel sad about being out of the baby stage with dc1 and only to get to a stage where we could enjoy each others company, we then went onto having another baby. But they love each other and dc1 has become more independent and learnt how to manage boredom creatively rather than constant input and being out and about.

I have one 4.5 year old, it's bliss. So many siblings seem to fight or ignore each other. We couldn't have a second but actually I think life is so much calmer with one, he's a delight. Also he hasn't asked for a sibling yet so I've not felt guilty.

Yes, after a play date you can leave the annoying other child behind and relax in the peace of your own home. So often I wished my brother lived in a different house…

My sibling and I only started getting along when we were 15 and 18. My DH only started getting along properly with his sibling in their late teens. I hadn't realised siblings could get along so well as children!

Society doesn’t pay your bills, provide childcare, take care of your kid when is sick or make your life in any shape or form easier. You do what YOU’d be happy with.

I think it purely comes down to the people.

There's 4 years between me and my sister, we were never really that close and we haven't spoken at all in 10 years, she didn't invite me to her wedding either.

There's 18 months between my friend's kids, one is ND and one NT and they don't get on at all.

My partner and his brother are 2 years apart and it used to drive him crazy having a little brother tagging along all the time wanting to be friends with his friends.

There's 2 years between another friend's kids, they get on fine.

A big age gap is nothing to worry about, especially the older they are. They'll either be friends or they won't and age has nothing to do with it.

Have at least one more. Whatever about playdates, they're no a replacement for another child to grow up with 24/7..