Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

@bookworm14 If you told me that you have an only child who tells you how much they enjoy being an only child I wouldn’t be offended.

People are simply sharing their experiences on the thread. Some people have said they enjoy having an only. Some people have said they don’t get on with their siblings. That is fine. My experience is that my own siblings made a very difficult childhood easier. And my children enjoy having siblings. And are grateful for them.

People can be very mean and judgemental about big families so I suppose that’s the context

And others can be mean and judgemental about small families, as this thread has demonstrated.

No don’t have a second for the first child it doesnt work that way

but no I dont regret having a second she is gorgeous as is my first and I love being a mum

@HotCrossBunplease no, my children aren’t narrow-minded. They were just reflecting on their own experiences with gratitude and fondness. They love Christmases and family holidays. They have fun together. They want to have big families themselves. People can be very mean and judgemental about big families so I suppose that’s the context (which is off topic for this particular thread).

But anyway, this is AIBU so it’s the place for people to express different opinions 🙄

I feel that in some ways I would have been a better parent to 1 (less screen time, earlier bedtimes, more homework focus) because when they tag-team or fight it runs me ragged. Also, they are both still very attached to me and want me to play, so it didn't get me out of that one. But it's lovely when they cuddle up, or look after each other, and I am glad that my eldest has a sibling relationship (I'm an only).

Yes , second child has sn and as much as I adore him . I'm scared for what happens when I'm dead ..

But also I just want to say that the only good reason to have a child is if you want one! No matter if they are your first, second, third. If you don't want another child, that's completely valid and you shouldn't feel pressured into having another. When I was younger, I was seen as a bit of an oddity, but now it's much more common, so you will find other parents who have made the same choice and who you can relate to.

You don't say how old your child is, but bear in mind as your child gets older you may change your mind or make a firm decision. One family I know have 2 children with a 7 year gap between them, they just weren't ready for another until then. Don't feel like you have to have a "typical" age gap.

No, never. Having two was the best decision we ever made, even though I'm mostly doing it on my own now.

I was an only child, there are pros and cons. But in the end I felt like the cons outweighed the pros (for me personally, not for my parents necessarily) and my now ex husband was an only child and felt the same. So we had two.

Youngest is only 18 months but so far I love having two :) they’re a boy and a girl 5 years apart and I’ve been surprised how well they play together!

Hand on heart, I have to say that having a second child was the best decision we made. They are best friends and help each other hugely in confidence and socially. I’d have hated to stop at one (although worried about having a second initially).

I am the older sister to a brother 4.5 years younger. Childhood much as you describe though not sure I ever went as far as saying I wished he’d never been born. We have been close since his mid twenties, all great now. So it may take a long time but yours could well get there.

Word of warning, I have a four year gap, opposite sexes - they have never played nicely together, ever. Full on rivalry and bickering. My eldest often says she wishes she was an only child. I just hope they get on better when they're a bit older.

I have friends with onlies and they love it and I see so many benefits.
I have friends with 2 (both same sex and opposite sex) who don't get on at all.
I have two and they get on brilliantly. There are times in the early years when you do feel pulled between the two, but for those who say "I don't want to miss out on time with them" - remember that as your children grow and become more independent they will pull away a bit or go out and have hobbies. During those times, I get time with my other one. We also get time just the three of us (single parent) which I adore.
I also feel less guilty working longer hours in the office now because they are at home together, but that's a bonus, not a reason to have another child!

Absolutely not, don't regret her or our third who was very much a surprise.

I used to really be jealous of the parents of only children when I was struggling with a baby on the school run. Now my youngest is three, it's so much easier and I now thing having an only is nothing to be jealous of

higher quality time

This comment is ridiculously smug.

How to do you measure the standard of everyone else's quality time exactly?

How extraordinarily patronising of them. You might want to tell your 5 children that their only child friends do not need their pity, and perhaps they should find some other things to think about?

It’s quite astonishing that you are proud to have raised children with such narrow minds.

They can’t imagine how quiet and boring it must be for their friends who are onlys.

Why ARE we so defensive? Can’t imagine. 🧐

Not to mention the way the question was phrased in the first place: faux-naive “are there any upsides?” as if it was completely impossible for the average person to think of even one positive.

I have 5 so I’m coming at it from a very different angle.

My children (some of whom are now adults) fairly often talk about how fun it is to be in a big family and how they can’t imagine how quiet and boring it must be for their friends who are onlys.

It is hard when they’re little but it is so worthwhile IMO.

Definitely, I hear these reasons all the time for having another child.

Psychologically and financially, we could only handle one. Think more about what you realistically want your life to look and feel like and what you think you can handle.

I do love the bustle of a busy family (I'm one of three) but the stress and restrictions (to your own freedom) that come with being a parent are multiplied. For example, I like travelling and being able to do that (financially, practically) with 2 children would be so difficult for us.

I wonder why? 🙄

Probably because people shit on them all the time. Literally the first reply to this post set the tone for only child bashing by saying "I'd hate to have an only child" rather than focusing on why their second child was a good choice for them.

There’s a difference between saying “a second child was the right choice for me for these reasons” and “I’d hate to have an only child”.

We can be defensive because we are so often told we are selfish (including on this thread) and that our children will be lonely and unhappy. Are we just supposed to agree?