To change their surname to mine?

@Timeisaheala deed poll??

I think you will have to get permission from their father. You could tell him that the kids want the same name as you so if he doesn't agree you will have to change your name to match his, which might be a bit confusing/ upsetting for his wife

All those saying use it at school etc are going to cause the children problems as when they get to do exams or in anything official like simply going to a&e they will use the wrong name.

As they are now in school the best thing is to wait until they start secondary school and ask them what name they want. Then work out then the best way to do that.

Also for the rest of their life they are going to have to state they had a different name. I know plenty of people who have changed or modified their names, including myself, and we have to always state that we do not have our birth name.

You can change it without his permission.. He could take you to court to have you change it back if a judge deemed it in the dc's best interests.. Ime...

You need his permission, but you can use your surname in school etc. just tell school that they are to be known as your surname.

She’s asking because she needs advice and she’s got it. It’s not as simple as change change change if the father has PR.

Why are you even asking? Change change change.shouldnt have had his name in the first place.

However, you can often change their names for everyday use without XP's permission by the way - just not officially. So the school might well agree to refer to them as Child's first name your surname, but their exam certificates, etc will have to use their legal name. That might be an option but could be confusing.

If I had my time again, I'd have given my DC my surname. But I didn't and my XP never saw our twins after the age of 4. They're now adults.

However, it's really really important IMO not to place adult hangups on children. Once a child is named, their name is THEIR name. They forge their own identity around it. They are not an extension of either parent (or their respective families) but an individual in their own right. This is what I told my DC when they brought it up when young - because they did. By the time they reached secondary school they no longer cared and had internalised the message I gave them. I'll be honest that I was doing the whole 'fake it til you make it' approach with this as I definitely would have changed their name had I been able, but actually it was good advice and I think has contributed to the lack of scarring my DC seem to have about a father who hasn't been a part of their lives.

Don't change it unofficially. That just causes problems for the children later on. And most schools are now aware they need permission of all parties with PR so won't use unofficial name changes.

Officially you'd need his permission to change it. Do you think he'd give that?

Yes. You can go to court to ask but best you'll probably get is double barrelling. No reason for the court to refuse that however.

Perhaps reframing it as they share a surname with their siblings might help how you feel?

You’d need his permission. If he agrees no reason not to

WTF?

These are comments on a previous thread about similar issue. Thought helpful.

You need his permission.

My mum changed mine when I was 6 and it was so much hassle later in life when I went to get married and had no proof of my name change. There's no central record so you can't just get a new certificate like you can with a marriage license.

If he is on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility the same as you do.
Again, unmarried women really should give their children their surname and this is why. You can legally change it then if you marry the child’s natural father and you get a new birth certificate. That would be the solution in all of this.
You would have to ask his permission to change their name now.

Absolutely. Change their name by deed poll or at least double barrel it. How old are the children. If older harder. Mine was v young when I did this

If you're in Scotland you can change the birth certificate until they are 16. If England I think you can do a deed poll. I think some people managed without father's permission but not sure.

You might have to get his permission but I’d change it if you can.

I really regret not double barreling my kids’ surname - when I was married to exh I didn’t ever change my surname, but for some reason agreed for my kids to have his.

Lots more people seem to be double barreling now than did at the time though.

Definitely change it or could you double barrel? The kids might think it's cool.
I changed my babies name and felt so much better after, and I am with the father so I can't imagine how you must feel. All children should get their mothers name or have it in there at least.

Can't you change their name by deed poll? I'd change it. If I got divorced I'd change it back as well as my children