To change their surname to mine?

It really does baffle me the amount of women on here who think the ‘right’ thing to do is give the child the mother’s name. Why? The father is an equal parent and if both parents are on the birth certificate then the fair thing to do is double-barrel.

Like I’ve just said, I know people with the same name who’ve been stopped, questioned, asked for birth certs and consent letters.

having the same name is not proof of parentage. Could be aunt, grandparent, surnames aren’t unique and random strangers can have the same surnames.

Yes your hands are tied. You can't change their names without his permission. Not by deed poll or in any other way. They can change their names at 16.

Last time I went away on a sports trip I had no issue.

two mums with same name got stopped and “interrogated”. Because they’d assumed having the same name meant they wouldn’t get stopped, they didn’t have a consent letter from dad.

one nearly missed the flight as dad was driving to work and they couldn’t get hold of him to check consent.

in reality everyone needs consent of all those with PR to travel. Names are irrelevant. Think of all the cultures where having the same name isn’t the norm…they still travel.

I have never had the same surname as any of my children and travelled all over and I've never been asked about parentage.

OP, afraid, you need his consent to change their names as others have said.

You can't do that without dad's consent. And if you do then you'll have big problems when you come to renew their passports.

Other people I know have been questioned on whether they were the parent of their child.

If you had to take it to court they would be very unlikely to remove his but would certainly double barrel to include yours.
I would write to him to ask to change to yours as say the children are upset having a different name to you and want yours. Then if he refuses ask him to double barrel. If he still refuses say that you'll go to court and they'll definitely do it but that's a lot of time and money wasted and does he really want to put you all through that. If he refuses still go to court.

What would he say y if you said "I'm intent on us sharing a surname so want to change the children maiden name. Alternatively I will change my name to theirs"

The new wife may feel rather unhappy about the latter and it might be enough to get him to agree

Travelled with my boys without their dad before. No one batted an eyelid.

People will start talking about it being easier to travel and other myths.

it makes no difference practically. You can still travel with your children, and won’t be any more likely to be stopped.

i am the same, never changed my name. I have not had one negative issue having a different name to my kids.

quite a lot of positives though, including the fact that dh is automatically added to all school and clubs social media etc, as they can’t find me :). So I get out of all that 😂

Now you both will not ever share a surname, changing to double barrelled is the fairest option.

Unclear from your post if the children are old enough to have an opinion?

Travel where they interrogate you and/or your child depending on their age.

Otherwise no-one cares.

Sorry, just reread it
Ignore me!

I dont understand this. My children have taken their father's surname and I didn't change mine upon marriage. Why is it important to have the same surname?? Am I missing something?

Most people who change their names will be changing it to the same as their mother in law anyway.

I’m of the opinion you chose their names at birth and they should keep those names.

i don’t have a problem with any woman giving their child their dad’s surname. But you do so with the knowledge that circumstances may change etc and if having the same surname is a big deal for you give them the surname you have when they’re born, not the surname you hope you’ll get in future. If you do marry later he can change his name if the same surname is important.

So no, o/p, I wouldn’t change their names. You do realise in every form they fill in, passport, jobs etc they will need to produce their deed poll certs and evidence their legal name change? If they marry and change their names they’ll be having to declare and document deed poll and marriage certs.

don’t do it to them. I’d change my name by deed poll if we really wanted the same name. Plus you don’t need his permission for that.

This is what we did and it worked well.
The school also accommodated the double barrelled name.
It also prevented various people related to the children’s life from calling me by Ex’s name by default.

You will need to ask the children what their preference is. They maybe young but that’s still their identity. Personally if I was unmarried my kids would have my name to begin with.

Won’t you need to get his permission to change their name anyway?

This is no longer easy to do. Schools and GPs are much more aware now that they should not be changing surnames without the permission of all parties with PR.

You could change your name to be like theirs.

With PR he needs to give his ok for this. As others have said you could likely get double barrelled if you find that suitable.

Who cares what it looks like to him and his wife? You are only responsible for how you and your children feel. I’d give him the choice, you need to have the same surname as the kids for practical purposes (like travel etc) so either he gives permission to change their names, or you change yours to his. Maybe he’d compromise on double barrelling?