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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep DD at expensive private day nursery?

68 replies

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 07:18

I’m changing my hours next year because DC1 starts school. So my days will be compressed, starting late and finishing early.

DD turns two in July. This means I could switch her from expensive day nursery to the local preschool, which takes children from two and is open 9-3 (no wraparound.) It isn’t connected with any of the local schools. DS goes there now.

However, as lovely as it is, it doesn’t feed them and that’s a massive weight off my shoulders knowing on the days DD attends she eats a healthy and well balanced diet that I don’t have to make or persuade her to eat.

Then there is a difficult parent at the preschool with a son the same age as mine and a daughter the same age and while I wouldn’t avoid it altogether for this reason in its entirety does feel like keeping DD at nursery would be best. DH thinks preschool is a more sensible option. Help!?

OP posts:

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 17:53

No - I would have actually chosen a different school if she had!

OP posts:

kierenthecommunity · 17/01/2025 17:47

As an aside is snotty parent’s DC going your DS’s primary? Just being nosey 🤣

Superscientist · 17/01/2025 15:34

I have a tricky to feed 4 yo who's now at school and would love you to back to nursery days where she had 3 meals provided for her!
We did 3 months at a nursery where we had to provide food for her and I swore never again if there was another option!

JellyFlooding · 17/01/2025 15:26

Also longer hours at nursery are quite different from school, especially starting school, so that wouldn't bother me either.

JellyFlooding · 17/01/2025 15:26

Go for convenience every time. If you can afford a more convenient option, do it (and if it makes sense to you as convenient it doesn't matter that PP wouldn't see it as convenient). It's not like you can't switch to pre school in a few months/year if you want to.

If DH thinks pre school is better he can sort all the pick ups and drop offs and meal cooking to accommodate it!

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 15:13

Thanks @LazyArsedMagician and @RockingBaby889 - sorry, that post took me aback a bit!

OP posts:

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 15:11

but DS went to the the local preschool where you had to deal with all the boys you don't want what?

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2025 14:29

I mean it seems odd to me that you had her at private so she got everything you wanted, but DS went to the the local preschool where you had to deal with all the boys you don't want.

But that's immaterial. If the change in pay and the cost of childcare isn't a problem, then do what works for your family.

The only question would be what are the hours. Someone's available I assume from 3 to pick up DS, is DD then in nursery til late to accommodate your work hours? That's the bit I wouldn't like. I wouldn't want her to be doing longer hours

RockingBaby889 · 17/01/2025 14:26

The preschool sounds like faff.

Your DH is zero help so he doesn't get to have an opinion, you have final say on this.

In real life, it's normal to be happy for someone else to feed your child in the day and not have to bother with packed lunches.

LazyArsedMagician · 17/01/2025 14:21

A child almost ready for school in pre-school is very different to a just turned 2 year old.

I would keep her in nursery. Ignore all the people frothing about her eating - it's a pretty well-known phenomenon that toddlers will eat basically anything they're given at nursery and turn their nose up at it at home.

Also - there's a lot to be said for cutting yourself some slack here - you're a mum of two, going to have to juggle pick ups from two different places regardless, plus work, plus all the boring household stuff. If you can make your life easier, why wouldn't you?

MuggleMe · 17/01/2025 10:09

What's the cost difference? I think that's key. You could do a hot flask pot for pasta or other things. Yes it's more work but if you're saving hundreds a week...

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 09:53

Our sons are the same age, or the same academic year at any rate (hers is a bit younger.) I didn’t know who she was but I realised at a party that I worked with her sister years ago and she had to be disciplined. It was years ago, over a decade, but she clearly isn’t over it! Problem is it’s a small community (only fifteen children) so it’s not like you can just blend in a bit!

OP posts:

devilspawn · 17/01/2025 09:51

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 08:58

It’s aimed at me, though, whereas I certainly don’t have issues with any parents at nursery.

Show quote history

What's the backstory with it all? Hard to gauge how much of an issue it really is without more info. Presumably you met her because of your son? But they're different ages so how did you spend enough time together to fall out?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/01/2025 09:48

@itstoocoldtoday why is the parent difficult??? what is it that annoys her???

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 09:47

@effie19 I was on maternity leave when he started at the preschool. It’s two days a week (DS is old in the year) one day is when I don’t work and one day I don’t start until half nine and finish at half one but that was just luck, so decided to keep him there as he was settled.

OP posts:

effie19 · 17/01/2025 09:40

I don't understand why you are changing your hours because of your DS starting school, when his pre-school provision is already school hours only? Sorry if this has been explained already

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 09:36

Problem with that is that she attends three days a week so it would mean one day at one setting which isn’t ideal really.

OP posts:

kiraric · 17/01/2025 09:36

Is there a compromise option where you switch her next year instead when she is 3?

Then you save some money and perhaps by then her food issues will be better

Margot1122 · 17/01/2025 09:34

Do a 50/50 split between the 2? That’s what I’ll be doing and I know a lot of people have done

AllTheChaos · 17/01/2025 09:26

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 08:35

I wouldn’t do that to the kids 🤣

The preschool isn’t attached to a primary school. I think I just see it as why make life difficult? The preschool has a lot of events where you go in with your child and it’s always awkward as hell with this parent there! And the food thing.

DH has the same sort of reaction as others here re ‘just send her with a packed lunch, just ignore difficult people’ but he isn’t the one in a hall being ignored or dealing with a hungry grumpy child.

If the choice involves extra work and hassle for you but not him, then it is your decision to make, not his! Otherwise he can make the packed lunches before work (and get up earlier to do it), in exchange for you dealing with the mardy bum parent at pre school!

HellofromJohnCraven · 17/01/2025 09:21

And indeed, avoiding a couple of years of a cowbag shooting daggers would make it even easier to decide on nursery!

HardenYourHeart · 17/01/2025 09:21

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 08:17

DH only gets back past bedtime three days a week and he is a crap cook!

Show quote history

Unless you husband is stepping up with meals, drop off and pick-ups, to make the switch possible, he can butt out. If he wants you to do it all, then you also get to make all the decisions.

Original poster

itstoocoldtoday · 17/01/2025 08:58

battairzeedurgzome · 17/01/2025 08:41

Good luck with finding a nursery, preschool or any kind of childcare provision, or a school which does not include any child with a 'difficult' parent.

It’s aimed at me, though, whereas I certainly don’t have issues with any parents at nursery.

OP posts:

TY78910 · 17/01/2025 08:50

Totally up to you and whether you can afford it.
I would have personally kept the child in a private nursery as it gives you a bit more free time to yourself without two DCs

HellofromJohnCraven · 17/01/2025 08:47

I would stop focusing on the food.
If keeping her in nursery means that life is easier for you then do it. You are already flexing for drop offs and pick ups and keeping them fed, safe and warm whilst dh works. Nursery is a lot less load than pre school.
With my last child, I kept her in nursery until reception age. I knew it made life easier having tried the alternatives with my older 2.
Being able to drop off at 8 and collect at 6 made life more doable. Typically she was there 8 til 4.30 but the extra meant that I could do things like the older ones clubs, dentists, hair appts and similar.
I knew that she was having lovely care in a great environment. It was right for me.
So I say do it, and just own the fact that it makes life easier. You don't need to justify it further. I had the odd friend who commented about it, my response was the marginal extra cost is worth every penny to me.

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