My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

Her behaviour is so inappropriate!
She messages you every day- do not reply. You don't have to. If she kicks off- not your problem. If the flying monkeys ie her family get involved - do not reply but forward the messages to your husband as long as he's totally on board.
Never use her again for babysitting nor her family who will probably pass your child to her anyway.
Do not tell her who is looking after your child. It is not her business. If she harasses you by message - block. Tell your family to block her. Explain the situation. This girl has seriously overstepped.
Keep your door locked. The last thing you want is for her to turn up and demand to be let in. If she does turn up, ignore her.
Before all that, I would send one final message telling her that her behaviour is and has been unacceptable and you will not be using her for childcare in the future. It's time to stand up to her

Are you quite sure these demands are coming from her?

She's 19 and though she has a job she still lives with her parents. She appears immature, possibly lacking a grip on reality.

She also has ... A boyfriend. How old is he? Does he live there?

Who exactly is the interest in your little girl coming from?

Women may do horrifying things to please a man.

She doesn't sound well but just handing over your business to a husband whose not really backing you is a ridiculous response. My put yourself in such a vulnerable financial position.

Take a step back and find some balance here before you make a mistake you'll regret. I can guarantee your husband won't want to go back the current arrangement in 9 months, he'll see it as his business by then @Mummyme12345

So you don't think that the cousin is weird (or completely insane and rude) for contacting other people who are babysitting for OP's baby to tell them that OP was being cheeky for not asking her to look after the baby? This behaviour has led to OP's friends and family refusing to look after the baby as they don't want to be harassed by the cousin.

Falling in love isn't a licence to behave like this.

So she will ask me daily how the baby is and where she is, if I am found lying or not telling her than I’m being dishonest and rude. She will then message who has the baby and say that I am being cheeky because she wasn’t offered her

Why does she message you all the time @Mummyme12345? Why does she have your family's contact details?

The level of communication is way too intense. I agree that muting her is a good idea.

Hard disagree @Ceramiq
She is unhinged. Her obsession with the OP's baby is unhealthy.

She could be just trying to make you feel good and she isn't that keen on the baby.

Some people feel obliged to ahh and coo over babies as people get really funny when you don't.

I remember a co worker used to show her neice all the time.. photos, videos repeatedly and she'd laugh and coo at it and she kept looking for my reaction and got really offended when I didn't react the way she wanted.

You could avoid the cousin and hopefully she'll get the hint or you could cut her off, you don't have to let her in your house

I would only have one answer to this and if she or any of them found it rude then so be it, I wouldn't give a shit. That answer would be:

"You seem to need reminding that this is my baby, not yours. I am the parent and I make the decisions, not you. Your behaviour and remarks are inappropriate and overstepping the mark."

Definitely along those lines. Don't bother dropping hints. These people won't read them.

This bizarre bullying child appears to be ruling your life.

Your DH is a wet lettuce.

His family are ghastly.

Time to step up.

YOU are the mother.

YOU say what goes.

You'd be quite right to stop using her for free childcare and start planning and using professional care.

You do not have to justify, explain or apologise.

You do not have to answer her texts or calls. Stop jumping. Send to voicemail, look at them only occasionally, when it suits you. Wean her off her expectations to immediate response. Grey rock time.

Practice your brief uninformative shut-down responses when challenged about what you're doing, where she is, when information is demanded. Give nothing for her to seize on.

We have made our arrangements.
We have other plans.
We'll be away then.
No thankyou.
No.

And definitely don't say 'sorry'.

Why is anyone listening to this teenage fucking lunatic?

Time to be less passive, rise above your H’s horrible family with their pack mentality, they’re not the fucking Mitchells, and stand up for yourself. Show no emotion in reaction to their mob Insanity. Don't let them get to you. Just keep that head case away from your child, pay for proper childcare and keep working.

Seriously limit her contact.

When she makes inappropriate comments say 'that's really not an appropriate comment and is quite concerning.'

she sounds unhinged!!! that's awful behaviour and needs to stop.

Who on earth does this cousin think she is? I agree with PP, you need to limit the time she is around your wee one.
How dare she tell members of your combined family that you are being cheeky because another family member has your child?
Everyone in the family needs to get behind you with scripting to make it clear to the cousin that she is out of line. And fast. It there's not a medical reason that she is behaving like this, then she's a spoilt entitled teenager who needs to learn her place in the wider family.

Do not leave your baby with this girl ever again. If she asks why she isn’t being used, say she isn’t needed. “No I don’t need a sitter atm”

Avoid going to her house, avoid occasions where you’ll be around her. Just avoid avoid avoid. Create a big distance, this girl needs a very harsh reminder that this is not her baby and she can’t keep playing house like this. She seems to be making an inappropriate bond and the best thing is to remove yourselves from her path.

If anyone starts drama just laugh it off. Call them ridiculous, she isn’t a parent and this isn’t her child, she doesn’t have any visitation rights. Any more drama and you’ll retreat further. Your hormones are fine, the only unstable one seems to be the 19YO child herself who is getting grabby and demanding someone else’s baby.

Exactly this!!

She sounds totally batshit.

I wouldn’t let her have any unsupervised contact with your DD and you should tell nursery not to let her pick DD up from there.

If the family complains so what? She’s your baby.

If all else fails, buy her a puppy.

So is her boyfriend also spending loads of time around your baby?

I would cut her off completely and use professional care for the baby as this is an escalating situation which could see her running away with your baby or even worse, harming her because if she can't have the baby then no one else will.

If your family are condoning this weird and dangerous line of thinking then they are also a threat to your baby as they may facilitate taking the baby away from you.

You need to cease using her for childcare immediately.

This is gaslighting. And I've experienced it at the hands of an outsider who came into my family not long after my Dad passed away. This was a female friend of my Mum's who made comments not unlike you mention about your partner's cousin. Obviously I'm an adult but it made me so uncomfortable. She would kiss me, hug me and touch me when I didn't want anything from her. If I complained it would start an argument that would go on for days. At one point my Mum told her 'my kids are not your kids', because she was trying too hard to fit in and be part of my family. It's only with my Mum passing away too that I can finally make my own decisions (wish it wasn't under those circumstances) but the woman tore my confidence down slowly over years because she was so overbearing and like your family, not one thing was ever said to her.

You have to stand by your own feelings on this - this is YOUR baby and your feelings are valid. Not only that, it's your job to protect your daughter from weirdness and possible danger. If it means you having an angry confrontation, so be it, at least you're saying your piece. The last thing you want is for it to go on until your daughter is at an age where she can be 'safely parted' from you and then it's her wanting to take her on day trips etc. Hit it on the head now.

And loudly you repeat she is my baby not yours, you have no rights to question my decisions about her whereabouts. Because your behaviour is making us both uncomfortable, we have decided not to use you as a baby sitter any more.

When she kicks off ( and she will) and anyone says its your hormones, reply it is yes my hormones, she is behaving crazy, I don't want her caring for my child behaving like that.
Next time she comments when you die she will be mine........nope I have all sorted thanks, she will be living with my parents/sister.

Feel free to start telling others minding your child that they can refuse to answer her questions re your childs welfare, when she is etc

Stop it now or this is going to get a lot worse for you in the future.

You need to stop using his family so much for childcare, can you use yours.

You're going to have to sit down with your DH and plan your schedule properly, through the whole month if you have to.

Mute notifications from her, you are feeding into the unhealthy attachment by responding and validating her feelings.

I think childcare with his side will need to be cut back/off for a while until she calms down.

If they're a sensitive lot , you don't need to announce or get into conversations, just quietly pull back.

OP if you mostly work at night and Your DH goes out to work, in the evening can he not take over the evening child care?

I don't think the cousin is insane or a weirdo and it won't be helpful to call her names. Her maternal bonding hormones have kicked in (inappropriately but we all know that falling in love is an unpredictable business).

she has my LO quite a lot when I am at work or have breaks to see friends and so on

And you've carried on with this arrangement even though she's clearly insane?

Honestly op, you need to grow a backbone here. Limit the time she's spending with baby and if she objects tough. Any more of these comments, tell her she's being a weirdo and that she needs to back off. And if OHs family have a problem with this, again tough luck. And that's for OH to deal with. You need to start sticking up for yourself of you are going to have years of this.